Domestic Violence Memoir

Many of you don't know my story and I was hesitant to post this, but the issue is bigger than me. I was born into a household of anger and pain. I tried my best to be a good girl. I studied hard and earned good grades. I cleaned the house spotless, but I was never good enough. The verbal and physical abuse from my parents was unpredictable. I don't think I will ever escape the emotional scars that I earned from my childhood. My body has dozens of scars, but I'm fortunate because I survived. We have to talk about domestic violence. It can be a silent killer, there are many that don't survive. If you suspect someone is being abused, reach out. If you are being abused, seek

As a single mother, and a survivor of domestic violence, there is no real way to deal with the after trauma of domestic violence. Life after abuse can be positive, but truth be told, sometimes you feel like it’s harder than the abuse. For my family and I, it is one day at a time. During my violent relationship, I never wanted my children to experience this violence, nor did I ever want them to be at risk. Therefore, my single most important priority was to make sure my 3 daughters were in a safe place at all times. 2014 was the beginning of a new extended family for my children and I through the Boys & Girls Club of New Haven. My children became members of the Boys & Girls Club of New Haven and they welcomed me and my family with open arms. At the Club, I know my children are safe, and exposed to other positive, caring adults.

I grew up in a lower socioeconomic class but now identify myself in the middle class. I grew up in an abusive home with a father who was physically and emotionally abusive toward my mother and sometimes toward my siblings and me. At 17, my father was shot during a domestic violence dispute. As a result of my experiences, I have become an advocate for breaking the cycle of violence.

Hey! I hope you had a great day. Let's see, uh I love country music :), but I also listen to alternate rock, R&B, classic rock, classical, and some mainstream music. My theme songs (I can't decide on one) would be "miss independent" by Neyo and "superwoman" by Alicia Keys. Both songs suit my personality well and describe the kind of woman I am.

Violence against women is one of the most prevalent crimes against women yet the most underreported. Worldwide, hundreds of thousands of innocent women experience different types of abuse, and some do not even know it (UN Women, 2016). The cycle of abuse starts with tension building, in which the perpetrator starts becoming aggressive prompting the victim to fold and try to please the perpetrator. When the suspect does not get what he wants or is not satisfied, the act of violence starts. This includes verbal, threats, intimidation, arguments, blames, anger, physical assault, or deprivation from the outside world even from the victim's family and friends. After a while, the abuser would enter the honeymoon phase and apologize for everything that happened, then vows that it wouldn't happen again. And the cycle continues (Bell, 2008).

So, it is going to be another of those terror filled Saturday nights. I’m nine years old, but can recognize the onset of domestic discord. My cruel father is spoiling for an argument with my mother and we (Danny, my brother, and I) know how this is going to end. As it always happens, there is going to be crying. Mamma, Danny and I will be crying before long. There are other siblings, but they are younger and presumably not as aware of what is happening. At times such as these, Danny, who is fifteen months younger than me, and I stand together. There is no talking, but I believe our physical closeness provided some sort of psychological support for each other. Danny and I will cry without audibly sobbing, wiping away our tears quickly before they’re noticed, for crying would earn us a beating. Crying would mean “that Danny and I are looking for something to cry for”, the rationale of an abusive father and husband.

These acts, in different cases have left women disabled in one way or the other, subjecting them to a lifetime of dependency, pains and regrets. Moreover, intimate partner violence leads to more psychological torture compared to injuries on physical aspect. There is no physical touching or beating involved but abusive men use degrading and abusive words to pierce women’s minds. This often leads to suicide attempts by women who are abused by men they loved and makes them feel devalued in the society. The use of offensive words by these abusive men as weapon against their wives eventually degrades their self-esteems. Words are powerful weapon against women’s nature. Positive words gladden their hearts while negative words spoken to them could make them sorrowful and regretful for the rest of their lives. Furthermore, sexual abuse is the common aspect of intimate partner violence in homes. Married women and young ladies are either raped or often experienced attempted rape by their husbands or boyfriends. This has left many women with so much hatred and hindered them from having a meaningful relationship after the abusive relationship come to an end. Many women are still battling this devil called sexual abuse from the hands of their partners.

Sociologist have even wondered, “A common question is why women stay in an abusive situation” (271). Even though studies show that most of them do leave after a certain amount of time. It seems there are many factors that keep men and women staying in violent relationships. Seccombe lists many of them that are still relevant today. One of the tactics that abusers will use is the shaming tactic. They will shame their victims or in this case, their intimate partners by blaming them for everything. The abuser will blame their intimate partner for the reasons why the abuser is hitting them in the first place. As crazy as it sounds, but this is very common in the psychological process of abusers. Another reason why individuals stay in violent relationships is due to the fact that the victims feel ashamed. In the psychological process, they feel people will judge them and look down on them. Plus, they are aware that they are plenty of people who do not have violent relationships so they do not want people knowing about their own violent relationship. Then, it does not help that the victim’s self-esteem are usually low since the abuser has made them believe that they do not deserve a positive happy

Violence has become a part of our everyday lives. We see it on the news, hear about on the radio, and read about it in the newspaper. There is no escaping the world of violence. People have no regards to others. The law is there to protect us against crimes, but the crimes must be reported first. When I think of violence, I think of Domestic violence. Most of the time these crimes go unreported. I am a survivor of such violence, and I deal with the after effects on a daily basis. Domestic violence happens regardless of age, race, or gender. Domestic violence has three main areas sexual abuse, physical abuse, and mental abuse.

I felt intrigued by this article titled Reasons for Staying in Intimately Violent Relationships: Comparisons of Men and Women and Messages Communicated to Self and Others, writing by Jessica J. Eckstein. This fascinating article was published on the Springer Science Business Media journal, on October 27th 2010. It has come to one’s attention to understand why some people, either male or female where to stay in an abusive relationship.

Finally, through the adaption of specific emotional conditioning therapies, such as anger management, these issues can be prevented from happening. Prevention by this method involves directing attention to those who are committing the abuse, and directly confronting the issues that are involved with their anger. In this way, the basic underlying emotional tendencies involved in these domestic issues can be understood. This method is based on the notion that these occurrences are essentially the result of emotional instability on the part of one or more individuals in the domestic

Domestic violence can be describe as one of the most gruesome and misunderstood crime in our society. It can be as simple as verbal abuse and as complicated as a homicide where we walk a thin line between intentional harm and self-defence. There are two distinctive differences or stages of domestic violence. The first being some sort of “controlling behaviour explained as a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain, depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour.” (Oonagh Gay, 2015). This controlling behaviour can either stay as such or excel as what is called a “coercive behaviour: an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.” (Oonagh, 2015).

Domestic violence is a large social issue around the world that is commonly associated with the mistreatment of women. However, there are many different forms of domestic violence that affect men, women, and children (Domestic Violence 1). Victims of domestic violence may suffer not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Domestic violence is a very important social issue because it negatively affects both the abuser and the victim. In the article, “Domestic Violence and Abuse: Types, Signs, Symptoms, Causes, and Effects,” the authors, Benedictis, Jaffe, and Segal, claim that, “Domestic abuse is not a result of losing control; domestic abuse is intentionally trying to control another person. The abuser is purposefully using verbal, nonverbal, or physical means to gain control over the other person” (Benedictis, Jaffe, Segal 1). Desiring control over the victim is one of the leading causes of domestic violence. Domestic violence is caused by, but not limited to, a partner’s need to dominate, past and childhood experiences, drug abuse, and alcohol abuse. Furthermore, domestic violence tends to appear in many forms . Nonetheless, domestic violence is an occurring problem in today’s society and continuously takes a toll on millions worldwide.

Domestic violence can be described as authority misused by one person in a relationship to control the other. It is the establishment of fear and control in one’s relationship through violence and other forms of abuse. Domestic violence can be in a form of physical assault, sexual assault, social abuse, psychological abuse, and financial abuse. The occurrence of the violence can be sometimes on and off, occasional or long-lasting. Many may confuse the term domestic violence as a simple argument, but that is not true. Domestic violence is a pattern of using threats and force to make someone do something. Many abusers use threats, physical and sexual violence, emotional insults and economic deprivation as a way to dominate their

Domestic violence is comprised of willful intimidation, assault, battery, sexual assault or other abusive behavior committed by an intimate partner against another. According to The National Center for Victims of Crime (2011), aggressors of domestic violence persistently disparage, degrade or humiliate their partners. Unfortunately, domestic violence victims are known to habitually blame their own actions, rather than the violent behavior of the abuser. Conversely, violence perpetrated by abusers is repetitively self-driven and depends little on the victims' behavior. The use of psychological, emotional, and physical abuse fused together with episodes of "respite, love, and happiness are premeditated coercive tools used to generate