Domestic Violence: The Barriers to Leaving Essay

Many people are perplexed by the unwillingness of victims in abusive relationships to abandon the tumultuous environment, even when given an opportunity to escape. Outside of personal, subjective experience friends and family can learn why and how this helpless mentality develops and most importantly, ways in which they can help.

Many women and men seek intimate relationships in order to fill their emotional needs of security, safety and love. Their journey starts off with their loved ones spoiling them with flattering gifts and emotional words. The love they feel is so wonderful and deep that they believe that nothing can come between them. They are so happy and convinced that they will live happily ever after with the one they love. Unfortunately, the fairytale they have dreamt about was only temporary and soon comes to an end. The love story they have ones longed for turns into a horrible nightmare. The emotional words they were once spoiled with turn into howling screams and name-calling. The flattering gifts turn into physical abuse. This relationship is referred to as domestic violence or intimate partner violence. This happens when a partner or significant other declares power, authority and control over the other partner. To maintain this authority and control, the abusive partner uses emotional, physical or sexual abuse over his victim (Alters 27). Victims will desperately look for an exit out of this relationship, but only to be blocked by numerous walls of the despair, fear and misery. Many people are convinced that victims have the option of leaving, but they are too weak and they choose not to. What many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers. In most cases the outcomes of leaving are

Women and men with low-self-esteem tend to be afraid to start over or walk away from the things they have built with their abusive partner, so they attend to except a lot therefore they become victims of explosive conflict. Most women and men hold on to their partner in hopes that they will change therefore they have to walk around as they are walking on hot coals, in hopes that they won’t set the bad temper individual off. In this case a lot of physical and mental abuse takes place.

Women who are being abused and controlled by their partners are generally not allowed to engage in the kind of open dialogue that counseling promotes. In fact, a woman who does speak openly to a social worker in the presence of an abusive partner may, in reality, be in serious danger when she returns home. (Golden, 1994) The fear that is created through the abuse makes it difficult for the victim to admit they are being mistreated.

Domestic Violence: Victims Should Leave For many years, domestic violence has been a subject of many discussions, concerns and fears. As we all have probably heard or seen, most of the victims of domestic violence are women. It’s not unusual to question- Why don’t they just leave? Why silently endure the pains inflicted by the perpetrator when the door is open and there is so much help out there.

Millions of women in the United States are physically, and emotionally abused by an intimate partner each year. Domestic violence is a situation that harms and kills most particularly women, children, and families members. As a result, battering of women is one of the foremost causes of injury to women. The growing awareness of how pervasive and destructive this situation is in our society, and the violence that accompanies it, has created a wide variety of programs, shelters, educational endeavors, law enforcement initiatives, and other efforts to prevent the development of this well-known trend. Fortunately, most victims of domestic violence today have one or more ways out, if they know there are available opportunities exist and able to use them accordingly.

Million of women in the United States are physically, and emotionally abuse by an intimate partner each year. Domestic violence is a situation that harms and kills most particularly women, children, and families members. As a result, battering of women is one of the foremost causes of injury to women. The growing awareness of how pervasive and destructive this situation is in our society, and the violence that accompanies it, has created a wide variety of programs, shelters, educational endeavors, law enforcement initiatives, and other efforts to prevent the development of this well-known trend. Fortunately, most victims of domestic violence today have one or more ways out, if they know there are available opportunities exist and able to use them accordingly.

Women will continue to suffer from domestic violence unless there is some sort of intervention to help them. When dealing with this population, it is essential to create a safe environment where the woman can talk freely about the abuse without any retaliation from the abuser. When someone comes into a therapeutic session, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and care. This in turn will create a sense of hope that a different type of life can be possible. Also, knowing that there is a support system can help the woman begin the process of change. Despite this, the process of leaving the abusive partner is slow (Warshaw, n.d.)

Domestic violence is a very important social problem that we must educate ourselves on because it has such a profound and negative effect on the individual(s) being abused. They are affected mentally, emotionally, physically, and I know from experience that the scars can run very deep. Being in an abusive relationship for three years was devastating to my self-image as a teenager, and because of these feelings of inadequacy, my decreasing esteem allowed me to stay in such a dangerous scenario. Healing from the negative effects of that relationship has been a difficult journey for me, and I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for women abused for years on end. To this day, I struggle greatly with the ability to let go of my own "control"

While it affects so many people worldwide, there are still cultures to this day that follow old male authoritarian traditions. Women often choose to remain in abusive relationships because of their cultural views, their children, a lack of financial support/ help, myths surrounding intimate partner violence, patriarchy present in the relationship, and strain. The problem of underreporting not only prevents us from knowing how many become victims of such abuse, but it also pushes the problem under the rug. We need to raise awareness and show people that there are resources out there that can help a person transition into a safe living environment, far from

Some women take the position that “hope springs eternal” for people in love and they shouldn’t be held accountable for the abusive spousal choices they make. That is precisely the kind of romantic notion that men and women cling to and use to seduce them into staying in relationships in which there is abundant evidence that they should leave. Often friends and parents try to intervene but when “hope springs eternal” obvious dangers are overlooked, denied and women tell themselves something like, “If I just love him enough, he’ll change.” Battered men usually say exactly the same things. “What is needed in situations of verbal and physical abuse and danger is not romantic fantasy but a critical and self-protective assessment of the facts followed by a decision based on those facts”(Walker 17).

The CDC reports that nearly half of all men and women in the United States have been psychologically abused by a romantic partner, while around a quarter of women and 1 in 7 men have been physically abused [2]. This is a dramatic difference from areas like the United Kingdom, where 8.2% of women and 4% of men have been abused [3] One in three people experience abuse by a romantic partner by the age of eighteen [4]. In 2015, 87% of hospitalized abuse victims in New York state were women, and were admitted more often than male victims [5]. This can likely be partially attributed to traditional gender roles, which assume that men are “stronger” than women and are “weak” if they are hurt by a woman.

In addition to all these reasons to why women stay in abusive relationships, is because women lose their self-esteem and eventually don’t have the energy to leave.

Abusive Relationships is defined as the “systematic pattern of behaviors in a relationship that are used to gain and/or maintain power and control over another” (Huston, 2010). The forms of abuse range from emotional to financial and each has an everlasting effect on the victim. An abusive relationship also has a discrete effect on the mind of the victim; they experience many psychology difficulties pre and post the abuse. Yet despite all these catastrophic consequences to both the mind and body caused by the constant abuse, many of the victims tend to stay in the relationships. The victim’s deal with emotional challenges on a daily basis, they are wounded on both a mental and psychical level, and have to deal with the constant pressure

Every year in the United States, One in four women are victims of the domestic violence; however, this is only based on what has been reported to the department of justice (Stahly 2008). While men are also victims of domestic violence, women are more often the victims. Moreover, 90% of domestic violence is male initiated. In severe cases domestic violence ends with victims being murdered. More specifically, domestic violence resulted in 2,340 deaths in the United States in 2007, and 70% of those killed were females (CDC 2012). Many people think that victims have the option of leaving and many people blame victims for putting up with the abuse; what many people don 't know is, victims of domestic violence have many reasons preventing them from leaving their abusers, these reasons include, isolation, having children bounding them with the abuser and lack of financial support. "It 's never pretty when you leave an abusive and controlling relationship. The warden always protests when a prison gets shut down," says Dr. Steve Maraboli (qtd from web). Whether a victim stays or leaves their abuser, the outcomes of both situations are not always as easy as many people predict. In some situations, the outcomes of leaving may be very dangerous for both the victim and her children.