Driven by Determination

1284 WordsJan 28, 20185 Pages
When I was 16 I left my parents’ home. One week before I left, I wrote this in my journal: “Is that a fluttering in my belly, something rising up through my chest? A sense of apprehension, fear, or excitement? Am I anticipating a change, a falling down, or a caving in of something I expect to be solid? I am in a strange place, moving slowly forward with nothing that can be measured; an internal advancement or a shedding away of old selves. I’m pared down.” The story of my leaving still feels like something written in code; a code no one could understand on the rational mind level except for me. It was my soul’s decision and no amount of explaining or writing has helped enlighten those who did not understand it. It is odd but I barely understood it myself. But to those who did understand, I had to say very little. Fortunately they knew within the first two minutes of my telling to them. They were inevitably people; who at some point in their lives tried to bury their own soul’s yearnings and had decided to live a perfectly fine and reasonable life until the day they could not. The day of “soul excavation” remains crystal clear in their minds. Just as does all the nudges and urgings from the universe that led them there. However, once I left, I looked back and saw this path towards that day so clearly – to me it made perfect sense but to others it didn’t. So much so that when friends later asked me, “Why would you leave such a life of having a nice house,
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