Effects of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family

Unlike most people, I did not get to be a carefree child for long. Even though I always said that I could not wait to grow up, now I wish that it all did not happen so fast and early in my life. From eleven to twelve years old—that would be the period I describe as the time I had to put my big-girl pants on and face the real, cruel and unwelcoming adult world. In that time period, I can specifically pinpoint two major events that ended my childhood: my move from Russia to the United States and the birth of my baby sister Toma. To some those might not seem significant enough to change someone’s life to the extent that they changed mine; however those events molded me into the person I am today.

In the short story, “Where are you going? Where have you been?” written by Joyce Carol Oates depicts how being young and innocent, conflicts with the reality of evil people out there. Connie, the main character of the story, is a 15 year old girl that has sexual fantasies. When she is confronted with the harsh realities of adulthood, she cannot think and ends up making a life decision that saves her family, making her the hero. Hero is someone who makes sacrifices that they may not be happy to do and may impact their lives in a negative way, but they do it for the sake of people they love. On the webpage hero means, “A person, who in the opinion of others, has special achievements, abilities, or personal qualities and is regarded a a role model or ideal” (dictionary). They are looked upon and considered role models because no anyone is willing to make all the sacrifices that they do, but desire to be like them.

I’m not going to sit here and say that my childhood wasn’t great, I had a loving and supportive family even growing up in a household with my mother and sister. My mother was a single parent who was always supportive and made sure she did what

A hero can be viewed differently in many eyes. Author and lecturer Joseph Campbell, has correlated a hero as usually being a male, often of lowly birth, but with special powers or a higher birthright, the hero doesn’t know about. Also, the hero parents are often dead, absent, or uncaring, and the hero is judged by the actions he takes and the way he reacts and relates to people. In the opinions of others, a hero is also a person admired for bravery, great achievements, abilities or good qualities and is regarded as a role model. A hero is also, admired for having done something very courageous or having succeeded in something great. In literature, the hero is the main character of a story, play, or movie. In the textbook, The Norton Anthology

In the chapter “Dreaming Heroes” from Friday Night Light by H.G. Bissinger, and the chapter “Two Kinds” from The Joy luck Club by Amy Tan there are high parental expectations placed on children. Both Jon Billingsley from “Dreaming of Heroes” and Jing Mei from “Two Kinds” are affected by the high expectations their parents place on them. Sometimes when parents have high expectation, it causes children to either struggle and give up or use it to motivate them. In both novels the parents have high expectations for their children.

The Western archetypal hero’s story teaching us to remain loyal, protect the weak and the innocent, and even the weak can achieve great success with help of others and the right mind set. The hero story also teaching us that good deeds are rewarded at the end and the bad ones are being punished (Janaro &Altshuler, 2017).

When we think about the childhood, we think about everything we have passed through, the good and bad moments since we were toddlers until the moment we have grown up. My childhood and the form I was raised it’s what has shaped me as a person. The stuff I learned and I have seen in my family it's what I make part of who I am and for me to give away. I grew up in a Mexican family in Acuña Coahuila, Mexico, with 3 children and I’m the oldest child and we were a family chasing the American Dream.

Adults’ propensity to seek proximity and support when faced with a distressful situation demonstrates how attachment formations endure over one’s entire lifespan. Disorganization has also been observed in childhood and adolescence. For example, some disorganized children behave punitively toward their parents, seeking to challenge or humiliate them, while others adopt a caregiving stance, taking the role of the parent and attempting to soothe or comfort them Both of these forms of behavior are seen as controlling. Other forms of disorganized behavior include manifesting fear toward or having difficulties in addressing or interacting with the parent, exhibiting behavior that invades parental intimacy, engaging in self-injuring behaviors or

Children growing up in unhealthy family system difficult connections or no connections at all. Shelley, as a child, grew up in an unhealthy family system where her dominant father blocked healthy adaptations by restricting the freedom and thereby eventually isolating the family from the community. Sexual abuse in a family is betrayal of relationships and family roles which can damage the victim’s ability to trust and form relationship with others (Haugaard, 2000). In the case of Shelley it is evident she lacked the concept of a normal father figure throughout her life, an important factor within the family system. Though her father was physically present with her until she was 10, she may not have seen a fatherly figure in him. The sexual abuse she suffered at the hands of her own father and uncle has resulted in her current interpersonal and psychological problems of feeling betrayed, powerless and

"Never forget the past…because it may haunt you forever. Regret all the bad things…cherish the good things. Look ahead always…but don't let the bad things from the past get in your mind." As a young child, there were so many incidents in my life that made me become the person I am today. There were rough times as well as good times. If I were to tell you all of them, I would remember half of them. I think some of my incidents really had some impact, and some were just simple ways of life. To tell you the truth, the incident that had the most impact on me has to be when my real father left me at the age of three. I never knew my father. I mean being a baby, you really have no experience or recognition of somebody else.

The child in the dysfunctional family that becomes like another parent is the eldest child. This child is referred to as the Hero Child or the Responsible Child. This child takes over the parent role at a very young age, becoming very responsible and self-sufficient.  They give the family self-worth because the child looks good on the outside.  This child becomes the good student, the sports star, the prom queen.  The parents look to this child to prove that they are good parents and good people. As an adult, the Family Hero is rigid, controlling, and extremely judgmental of others and secretly of themselves.  They achieve "success" on the outside and get lots of positive attention, but are cut off from their inner emotional life.  They are compulsive and driven as adults because deep inside they feel inadequate and insecure. The family hero is often the child in the family who as an adult has the hardest time even admitting that there is anything within them that needs to be healed (Burney 2008.)

Growing up as a little girl my life was ever changing. Although I don’t have many recollections of my childhood, I do

I don't remember much from my childhood. Little things. Bits. Pieces. Never the full thing. Simply flashes in the endless pool that we humans call time. The few memories that I do fully remember are nowhere near happy. I do have happy memoirs they are there somewhere, in the back, behind a door, locked in a box never to be seen aging. I didn't put them there by choice, it's like my mind is set to keep me on my toes. To constantly remind me that the world is cruel and that the only person looking out for you is you. It’s wrong because I’m wrong.

As I take a look back on my life, I realize how great it has truly been. I had an absolutely amazing childhood and I am beyond blessed for it. I grew up in a home with two loving parents that have been with me through it all and now of days that is something to be truly thankful for. My parents taught me to strive to be anything that I wanted and that I could be anything that I set my mind to. These dreams changed throughout my life as I grew older and as I grew into the person that I am today.

Heroes; something we all aspire to be, but easily recognize in others. Wait, how do we define what makes a hero, a hero? A hero is one who is kind, courageous, smart, determined and selfless. They often do what is better for the greater good and not themselves. This is seen in both Greek and Modern heroes, whether it is cutting off Medusa’s head or defeating the Riddler, they show these qualities in one way or another. We also see these qualities in parents, true everyday heroes. While they may not have super strength or the ability to fly, parents are the ultimate heroes in our lives, for they love for us without judgement and will always be there when we need them most. My father, William Romero, is a hero since it takes a true hero to