Everyone has held a grudge against someone at some point in life. Whether it is over something small or much more serious. The anger we feel can make us bitter in many ways for years. Learning to let go of grudges/bitterness is something difficult for people to do, but it is necessary for us, for our well-being, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Why hold on to emotions and memories that cause us pain? The reason we hold onto grudges is because we are unable to let go of that anger we feel towards those who did us wrong in the past. All we really are doing is strengthening that identity as the victim, the one who was wronged by someone. You will continue being that victim but of yourself, because you are keeping yourself miserable with the memories. Truth is sometimes it is an attempt for us to get comfort, compassion, or empathy. Something we didn’t get in the past. It is like we are letting those around know that we are in need of extra kindness. It is a cry to be cared for and treated special because of what we endured. The only person that can truly change those emotions is ourselves. Holding on to grudges is bad for our well-being. There are physical effects as a result of the mental and emotional strain you place on yourself. When you think about the negative you have greater stress response. Eventually, taking a toll on our bodies leading to mental and physical illness, such as depression and even heart disease. Future problems such as, elevated heart rate,
Painful experiences and memories are a part of everyone’s lives. Anyone who has ever been alive can remember a period of distraught and pain. However, while some try to forget the past, others choose to remember it. It is important to remember painful aspects of the past rather than forget them because it makes us stronger and prevents us or others from experiencing the same pain.
People are taught to “forgive and forget” in order to be happy, afterall living with a grudge can being a serious damper in ones life.
O’Brien describes that memories can affect one’s emotions in a detrimental way over time. Reflecting on memories that one felt affected them negatively can be bad for the mind and cause them emotional turmoil. O’Brien describes a “hard story to tell (O’Brien 172).” “For more than twenty years,” O’Brien, “had to live with...the shame.” O’Brien had been “trying to push (the memory) away,” The event O’Brien reminisces on
In his New Yorker article “Vengeance Is Ours,” Jared Diamond makes the claim that revenge is a universal feeling and that state governments alienate us from satisfactory feelings derived from revenge. Through two narratives Diamond exhibits the satisfaction derived from revenge, as well as the dismay when revenge is not achieved. He first examines the story of Daniel Wemp who, after the murder of his uncle at the hands of a man named Isum, goes on a quest to avenge him and feels the euphoria of revenge. It took Daniel three years, twenty nine other murders, and three hundred pig sacrifices to achieve this, but when he finally heard that Isum was dead he felt “as if I am developing wings” and as if he was “about to fly off”(7). To do contrast
Sometimes we don’t let go of memories, which results into making us bitter and not seeing past the truth: The world does not owe us anything. When the Universe decides to plot a scheme against oneself, one thinks it is the end of life, but the truth is there is always something to live for. Losing a person might be excruciating, but if you keep living on grief memories, it will only be worse. Lingering on things that no longer exist can end a person. Happy moments will fly through them because they’re still lingering on the past. Memories are important, but one has to learn when to let
The idea of justice should be based on the idea of forgiveness. A popular attempt at achieve justice is to “forgive and forget”, however this idea is not the best method. To forgive means to recognize that someone has done something wrong and is attempting to fix it, and in turn, you must accept this attempt in order to move forward. Holding grudges is a part of the Human Condition in the sense that we struggle to get over instances of people wronging us, instead of getting over it, we deeply desire revenge. However this is something that we must move past in order to reach true justice.
I have gone through some hard things in my life. I have some regrets about the way I handled things in the past, but remembering how I felt after I made those choices will help me to not make those same mistakes again. I can remember how my reaction to certain situations would cause problems for myself and other people. By remembering things from my past, it has helped me to not react or handle situations the same way that I used to. Memory has also given me many good things, such as remembering things I did with people I don’t get to see as much anymore, or even remembering how happy I was when something really good happened.
Thematic Statement: Forgiving someone for their mistake can make yourself free of anger and bitterness.
Nearly everybody has had at least one grudge against someone at some point in their life. Grudges are usually formed through a dramatic event that triggers emotion. Typically grudges are associated with hate. For instance, say a man has done something against a woman. Instead of thinking reasonably, she lets her emotions get in the way and develops a grudge against the man, because emotions and hate clouded her mind. Another
If a problem is not resolved, then resentment is held against the offender. The consequences are lugging around the emotional baggage that comes with the problem. When confronted with the problem, either physically or within a conversation, the emotions attached to it also arise. Feelings of anger, anguish and bitterness resurface, almost as a reminder as to why the offender was not forgiven. The outcome of holding a grudge against others results in constant emotional turmoil, which does not allow for complete inner peace nor happiness.
The need for understanding the phenomenon of repressed memories is also very important from a legal standpoint. In recent years there has been numerous cases of people suing their parents or other authority figures for abuse that has been recalled many years after the abuse was said to have occurred. The rulings in these cases have often been controversial considering there is often not enough concrete or collaborative evidence to prove the accused to be guilty or innocent. The judge and jury are often forced to make a ruling that relies heavily on the testimonial of the accuser. This is very contentious considering there is not an accurate and reliable test to determine the validity of the accuser.
As human beings, we are able to remember events from past and cherish them as important memories. At the same time, we can also grudge the past events that negatively affected us. As long as the event is deeply carved in people’s memories, the feelings that was created during the event will last for many generations. One example of such an event is slavery. For more than 200 years, the brutal memories of slavery were passed down through African Americans. It is obvious that the memories that were passed down for generations would not end and be forgotten immediately after the end of slavery. Similarly, white owners would not be able to get out of the owner mindset because they were owners since the start of slavery. Although slavery itself
Often times we find ourselves thinking about the past only to try to force the memories away and return to our current delusion. We can never erase the past, but if the past is who we are, then should we just welcome pain back into our lives? Embarrassment, guilt, and pride betray us as we choose to bury our darkest memories in our head and look to a positive future without ever having to readdress them and acknowledge that they had ever happened in the first place. Thinking back now my weakest moment caught me by complete surprise.
I know this is the reason I picked the article, hoping to find the appropriate method for me to deal this unresolved, buried time in my life. What stood out most was the fact that resentment could lead to unhealthy conditions like depression and anxiety, which can influence ones emotional health and decision making. I never really thought about how that past situation could have or can be impacting my relationships and/or health. In my mind I had let it go and moved on, getting out of the predicament was the best and pretty much only move I needed to make. I can admit some anger still remained, but I honestly thought it was normal and healthy. There isn’t any hate towards the person, just not someone I would choose to be around. But it bothers me that from that experience I could judge others in a way I may never had. Or I may over compensate in situations to cover up my feelings of weakness because of the abusive relationship. This article has led me to better understand myself and realize that forgiveness was more than just moving on, it is about not holding on, actually wanting good for the person who did you harm, and using all that you learned as a positive to enrich your life.
Why would anyone want to erase a part of their memory? No one would want to remember being raped or tortured, witness a shocking, scary, or dangerous event. People simply want to forget these memories because they want to stop it hurting and haunting them. Trauma can greatly affect our memory. We may use our natural ability to dissociate to avoid awareness of a traumatic experience while the trauma is happening and however long it may occur. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that develops in some people who have experienced any of events I have mentioned (NIMH). It is normal for us to feel afraid during and after a traumatic situation. Fear is a powerful trigger for the changes in our body to help defend against danger or avoid it. Most people will experience a range of reactions after trauma, yet many will recover from initial symptoms naturally. Those who continue to suffer may have PTSD and they may feel