The Day I Meet Dialectical Journal

I’m sorry. I just miss you and want you to know that I love you very much.

I would like to say I’m sorry to you for my behavior on Friday evening; however, I am worried about you and it upsets me that you keep drinking.

You’ve never been the reason why I wanted to drink. You’re far from that. I know you probably won’t forgive me for quite some time and I understand that wholeheartedly. I had only said those cruel things about how you were the reason I wanted to drink because I knew how upset it would make you and it worked. Audrina, I am so sorry.

I looked at you in the eye, at my sisters sixth birthday, you looked at me back with a confused face, your eyes grew old, sad and frustrated. You wanted to remember but your brain wouldn’t let you. I wish I could've gotten to know you, hug you, and tell you I loved you before you forgot.

Today you would have been 60! I can only image the shenanigans we would have gotten into tonight! I miss you more than words can even explain. This morning, I sat in my car, scrolled through my phone, stopped at your number, and almost dialed it. It has been almost 8 years since you passed, and I have yet to delete your number out of my phone. I realized that I could not just pick up the phone and call you as I used to. I wish I could go back to being a little kid driving around looking for garage sales during the summer and listening to all of the Motown Classics. I did not realize it until now, but you honestly were my best friend, there is a spot in my heart that has been empty since you left us. It dawned on me that losing you made it hard

I am writing this letter to you so you know the things that happened before the summer of seventh grade. I am not expecting you to understand what I am writing to you. I hope you can take in as much information as you can. We have been friends since the second grade. I do not think you remember that. After the accident, I have been carrying this guilt inside of me. The only person that is making me carry this guilt is me. I want to first start off by saying that you were my first ever true friend. Despite our major differences, we somehow connected in a way that I have never connected with anyone before. Your family has treated me like my own family. Your sister and your mother treated me with such kindness, which is the factor that makes me

I was too late. Tears rush from my eyes as I crouch next to your cold and limp body. I call the police. Yesterday you drank. I'm a good drinker but you're not. You drank too much. Before you went to bed you took weird pills but I didn't ask. When I woke up you were gone and then I went out. Now I've come back and I fucked up. It's my fault. I didn't stop you from anything and now you're gone. Your eyes are black and lifeless. Your cheeks are hollow and your lips sag down. I wish I could still kiss them. My tears drip onto your face. I wish you could feel their warmth. Everything happens too fast. The people come and rush away your body. They think they can save you. But they can't. I know they can't. My puppy. I was your happy virus. Always

I would like to apologyze that I have not written you since I get back home from the best holiday in my life but I work everyday and the rest of my free time I spend with my boyfriend.¨

I never liked funerals, even through they are thought as a celebration of the life you have lived, they only make me remember that you are no longer to continue celebrating that life. I place my unstable hand on the hard, dark, wooden coffin, wearing your suit you got perfectly fitted for what was supposed to be “the best day of our entire lives”. The flag draped upon your casket setting a reminder to every one of your bravery. I allow a tear to slowly roll down my cheek as I stare blankly at my blurred hand and say to you “my heart is forever yours”. I say this to you with a different meaning and emotion to when you said it to me as you placed the diamond ring on my finger for the first time. You said it as a beginning and I'm saying it now as an ending. This just highlights the fact that I'm not ready to say goodbye to you, I never will

No matter what, I’ll always care about you. I want to start off saying that these past couple of days have been really rough for me. I’m sure you have felt the same. I apologize and take responsibility for not speaking to you on Friday; I had way too much going on in my head and I couldn’t look at your name without crying. On Friday I received apologies from Claire and Abbey. Hannah and Leah even apologized that they even had to been apart of the process of me finding out. I have gotten so many different stories from so many different people. For most of the stories I tried really hard to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it was extremely difficult.

I don’t know how to apologize for leaving you like that, not too sure how words on paper alone can convey this. But you visited, concern scrawled across your features, and I knew I couldn’t tell you. So I told a third lie. My heart was my own to carry.

For years I thought and thought and since she is now gone, I blamed you for making me mad enough to send you out into a war, a war I knew nothing, but a miracle can save you, but I now realize that no one can make me feel anything I don’t want to feel. I know saying I’m sorry can never restore your life or make your family whole again. Sending you off to your death is terrible, I know your family was sad and Leslie

Hello and I’m sorry, a salutation and a farewell, I don’t have much time. I don’t know why I did it. I should’ve said no and gone home. Now I’m god knows where and all my friends have disappeared. I know who took them; I just don’t want to admit it. The Angels. Well, weeping angels to be exact. It’s always been a rule, taught to us from day one. “Don’t blink. Not even for a second. Blink and you’re dead.” They drill that phrase into your head. My friends thought it’d be fun to go into the cemetery, look where that got them.

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I’ve been stuck out in the badlands for almost a month after I survived a plane crash and I’ve been fighting to make it home every day. I was in a little bit of trouble with some people I knew and I had no choice but to do as they say, I didn’t want to put you guys in harm's way, then everything went to hell. I’m sorry for not telling you guys the truth.’’