Five Random Facts About Living With Toxic Family Members

Children who grow up exposed abuse are expected to keep the “family secret” and at sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Self-analyzing is something that we unconsciously do day to day. We question everything until it makes sense; at times we even create tests to prove it. In my personal life I have come across many studies, most for school purposes, others for work. The more my curiosity grows the more I learn that there a personal experience with domestic violence. This has led me to explore this subject. My parents did not get along and it was very obvious that there were problems. My dad actually had psychotic episodes where he tried to kill my mother. He would very vividly describe in detail to me of how he would carry out his plan to torture her right before he killed her. Yes this sounds

The cycle of abuse is a deadly disease that is hard to cure. Children who grow up in a violent house who are physically or sexually abused are more likely to then become abusive to their own children when they are adults. Abuse is a problem that reaches all ends of the earth. Stopping the cycle is hard, and abuse is no tradition any family wants to have.

family made me confine myself in a bubble. Even though I lived in a community,

There are a number of circumstances that can lead to an unstable home life. Divorce, alcoholism, fighting and abuse are all but a few of the situations that would lead one to believe that they are living within an unstable home. When dealing with alcoholic problems in a home it is said that, “offspring of alcoholics are thought to be at risk for poor emotional regulation” (Chassin, 1999, pg.107). This means that the children of alcoholics cannot cope with their emotions in a healthy manner. The absence of a healthy coping with emotions can cause an individual to feel lost and alone. Therefore, they look for ways to get away from home, since home has become an uncomfortable place.

Imber-Black (2014) delves into the dangers that toxic secrecy plays in four different family situations. The dangers of keeping the health problems of family members a secret (and the triangles that are formed while doing so) are addressed. On the other hand, specific questions are laid out to better help patients understand who they may or may not need to share their specific health problems with (Imber-Black, 2014).

The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited

In addition to poverty, chaotic homes also correlated with behavior problems in children. Chaotic homes involve domestic violence, divorce, and substance abuse. Studies showed that three to four million children who are between the ages of three and seventeen are at risk of witnessing domestic violence each year (Domestic Violence Roundtable, 2008). Research has also shown that 80 to 90 percent of children who came from domestic violence families knew that there was violence taking place in the home (Pagelow, 1990). Children who witness and are exposed to domestic violence in their homes experience emotional, mental, and social harm that can affect development and behavior. Children who witness frequent domestic violence showed heightened levels

Bowen’s (1974) family system theory states that family members so profoundly affect each other’s thoughts, feelings, and actions that if often seem as if people are living under the same “emotional skin.” There have been circumstances in which the child who has been exposed to violence within the home begins to treat the abused parent or other family member the same way the abuser does; seeing it as acceptable and justifiable behavior. Social learning theorists view abusive and aggressive conflict resolution techniques as learned and reinforced, often at the expense of more adaptive ways of resolving conflict (Wall & McKee, 2002).

As stated, children completely develop and become who they are early in life. Therefore, any major events, or off circumstances can permanently affect their personality. The environment at home is very important in a child’s upbringing. Therefore, if abuse is factored into this environment then negative results can occur. The book Family Violence by Debra Goldentyler focuses on various forms of abuse and its affects. One form of abuse commonly overlooked is verbal abuse. It is easy to lash out on children due to stress or other problems. However, this eventually can result in repetitive episodes of verbal abuse. Since children become so emotionally attached and dependent on their parents at such an early age, any negative thing a parent says

It is common for parents and their children to have disagreements and to have arguments but sometimes these disagreements can turn into abuse. Children usually use violence to try to “control or bully them” (Parenting and Child Health, n.d.) This violence usually occurs when the child “frightens, threatens or physically hurts them. It can involve using abusive language, pushing, shoving, kicking, throwing things, or threatening with knives or other weapons” ((Parenting and Child Heathen’s.) Children may abuse their parents due to the normalization of that parent getting abused by the other parent within their household. The child may use the parent that abusing the other parent as a model for the way they should act towards their parent as well and justify their actions simply as something that they observed in their household. The violence that children commit against their parents affects that subsystem because it leaves it broken. There is a strain within the parent and child relationship that forms a direct result of constant conflict and abuse between the child and parent. Sometimes, in child-child relationships, an older sibling may become “more aggressive” with their younger sibling because of the abuse that they have witnessed and been exposed to. (Fantuzzo, Mohr, 1999) The children can become socialized by the parents to believe that

In all generations, families encounter a wide variety of hardships. Stressors can range from most intense such as Divorce and Illness to least intense like a family disagreement. Despite the severity of the stressors families find a way their way to unity. They look past the bad and know that it will be okay again. This is shown in families who struggle with Substance abuse. Substance abuse hinders how families function, but through this experience they find a positive solution to move forward.

As I listen to my neighbors argue almost nightly I can hear the intense fighting and verbal threats among the adults. I think of their children and what they must feel or what their going through. According to one scholarly source, children that were raised in an abusive home may developed anxiety, depression and dissociation among others into adulthood(Goldsmith and Freyd 96). What is interesting is that they may recognize these symptoms as adults but do not relate it to the past abuse (Goldsmith and Freyd 96).An explanation for the lack of connection to the now present symptoms is that there is; 1. No awareness of the former abuse. 2.The failure of defining mistreatment

A dysfunctional family doesn’t mean the child is a bully. However, a large amount of bullies come from this category because they are in homes with little affection and openness. Parents in dysfunctional families often let their children view some type of violent behavior on tv or even within the family and friends. “Children learn from seeing what their primary caregivers do. They are very attuned and very observant about what goes on in a household,” said Dr. Nerissa Bauer. Dr. Bauer is the lead author of a study at university of Washington on the relations of violence in the home and bullying in schools. “This study supports the idea that parental violence can lead to violence between children and their peers,” added Todd Herrenkohl the co-author of the

Family satisfaction lowers because the child is hurting and the parents are the ones to fault. Communication within the family becomes necessary to help the child improve his or her learning, acting, and behavioral styles. Lastly to say, if there is anything more worse than the two issues mentioned in the last couple of sentences, it’s the health and mental issues who beat the child. A child begins to experience severe anxiety when his or her parents expect the most of their child. Overprotecting can cause a child to feel extremely nervous or scared around their parents that they begin to fear their parents. Anorexia can also come in act when a child is too frightened to mention their hunger to their parent as they are told to study or practice for hours. Both anxiety and anorexia can lead to the death of a child, as it has happened with famous child prodigies. Ways to reduce these issues is by consulting a therapist and communicating to help parents lower their strictness and overprotectiveness. It’s quite reasonable to say communication plays a huge role in extreme parenting. Communication between parents, teachers, and children can help these negative issues disappear from the life of a child who is suffering from extreme

This all comes from the parents focusing way too much on their own problems and not enough on the kids. When that happens, they seek a form of attention from other places. In some cases, they might turn to misbehaving to get attention. For example, as mentioned by author Brette Sember “kids have to cope with the fallout from a never ending cycle of disputes, resentment, sadness, and even hate”. In the kid’s eyes the conflict is even greater in their eyes. Seeing mom and dad fight daily can put strain on the child’s thought process and how they go about talking to mom and dad. On one hand a child might be the nicest person ever to their mother but to their dad they might have some resentment for him. That resentment would be that their dad left his mom. This seems like it might not really be something to worry about, but the child might come to hate that parent because of them leaving the family unit. In general, when things start to crumble is when kids really start to fall under the pressure of not having a happy family. That’s why in the eyes of the child they will never understand why mom and dad don’t like each other. They one day might understand, but for know they are left with the burning question “Why did they split