For Argument's Sake Deborah Tannen Summary

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

In the article “Taking a ‘War of Words’ Too Literally”, Deborah Tannen defines “argument culture”, as “the best way to get anything done”. Debating is when “Issues are routinely approached by having two sides stake out opposing positions and do battle. This sometimes drives people to take positions that are more adversarial than they feel-and can get

Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.

The first chapter introduced the reader to the art of rhetoric. He describes how rhetoric works through real life examples. He demonstrates ways that rhetoric persuades us like, argument from strength, and seduction. He tells the reader that the sole purpose of arguing is to persuade the audience. He showed that the chief purpose of arguing is to also achieve consensus, a shared faith in a choice.

“The war on drugs, the war on cancer, the battle of the sexes, politicians’ turf battles- in the argument culture war metaphors pervade our talk and shape our thinking,” affirms Tannen. We approach the world in an argumentative frame of mind.”

Deborah Tannen’s essay “But What Do You Mean?” focuses on what she claims are differences between men and women when it comes to social interaction. The essay is sectioned into seven categories, in which she talks about how men and women tend to think and react when it comes to apologizing, criticizing, thanking, fighting, praising, complaining, and joking with others. In general, she seems to promote the idea that women tend to be more polite and refined, considering the feelings of others when conversing and taking everything as a formality. In contrast, men are apparently more blunt, taking a more direct approach with matters and being more unconcerned with how they may affect others. Women tend to automatically apologize and thank others

Deborah Tannen's book, The Argument Culture, is a compelling piece that looks at the perceived "argument culture" that is permeating the United States and the West in general. I do agree with what Ms. Tannen is saying, that there is a form of argument culture, but I think it could be argued that there is a contrasting part of American society called a "nice culture" as well. On the one hand, you have people who will argue about topics whenever the opportunity arises, but on the other hand you have people who will avoid confrontation at all costs. Ms. Tannen somewhat acknowledges other ethnic cultures in the United States that tend to argue in different ways, "You do not have to go to a foreign country to experience these cultural differences [of how people argue in different cultures.] Americans of different ethnic backgrounds can experience them just by making friends." (Tannen, 211)Acknowledging ethnic culture differences is important but to homogenize it into just an argument culture is wrong.It could still be argued that there is a converse culture in the United States that is based around niceness and civility. You can see it in the world around you where you are taught to use your manners as much as possible or in fast food jobs where workers are supposed to be as "nice" as possible and if anybody makes a mistake they are supposed to apologize as sincerely as possible. Another example of this nice culture is contrast to the argument culture is when adults are arguing

speaker, audience. In their writing (chapter 1) argue that everything can be turned into an argument. They support their claim by first telling about Michelle Obama's tweets about her concern of a kidnapping, by terrorist group Boko Haram, of more than 200 Nigerian girls in 2014. Then by explaining how we make arguments. The author’s purpose is to inform readers about make arguments by using ethos, pathos, and logos.

Martha Irvine, a graduate of the University of Michigan published an article titled Queer Evolution which talked about how the word “Queer” itself has evolved into the mainstream. Originally the word’s definition was to describe something as odd or weird. Society utilized the word “Queer” as an insult to the LGBTQ community. As more sexual orientations are being discovered, “Queer” became a more accepted word in the gay community in order to make things simpler. Irvine’s essay showed that whatever word we use, can affect a person depending on the intention, and the tone of how it’s being said. Irvine’s essay is very similar to Deborah Tannen’s essay You’re Wearing That which talks about the relationship between mother and daughter and how words have established expectations for women based on their appearance and behavior. Another essay that well connects with Tannen and Irvine’s articles is a section from a book written by Michael Kimmel titled Bros Before Hos’’: The Guy Code. Kimmel talks about “The Guy Code”, rules that a man should always follow in order to be considered a real man. Words are the reason why these standards have been established for all genders and sexualities. The relationships between parents and children would be better if words were replaced, which would abolish the expectations that society has for men and women.

Over the years, views on women’s roles in society have drastically changed. The gender differences highlighted in Deborah Tannen’s excerpts from You Just Don’t Understand emphasize the differences between women’s desire for intimacy and men’s pull towards independence. By this theory, men tend to drift in the direction of power and self-reliance, which are characteristics of action television shows and movies, whereas women immerse themselves in romance and family oriented media. While The Game of Thrones appeals to males through the fast-paced storyline, the characters of Arya Stark, Sensa Stark, and Daenerys Targaryen break away from Tannen 's stereotypes and empower women watching the series through the ladies’ demonstration of survival and independent judgment, even among formidable males. As a result, both genders are equalized, but women are ennobled in the process.

1. The essay has a large cast of characters: twenty-three to be exact. What function do these characters serve? How does Tannen introduce them to the reader? Does she describe them in sufficient detail?

I would categorize Debra LaFave as a fixated sex offender, with a topology of high fixation/high social competence. Sex offenders who are categorized as fixated will not usually have sex with people within their own age range, appear to be emotionally undeveloped, and are overly interested in interacting with children. They will typically concentrate on young boys that are not part of their family. The offender will spend time creating a relationship with children through grooming and pre-meditation to gain their trust and acceptance. Ms. LaFave falls into the category of approach–explicit because she took the time to groom Billy, planned out the opportunity for them to be together, while trying not to get caught (CSOM, 2016).

In Tannen’s book, she starts off by addressing the differences between men and women conversate, then shifts her attention to offer a solution towards the end of the book. In chapters one through nine, Tannen tells the reader of the differences in conversation men and women have, and how they came to be. One example is the goals men and women have in life. Men’s goal in life is to strive for independence in conversation, and avoid failure, which according to Tannen mean that they come up with their own ideas, not following others. While the goal for women is to try and preserve intimacy. In order to receive affection, women try to find similarities in each other. Tannen thinks this occurs because boys are taught to compete when playing games in the play yard, and women are taught to stick together and socialize. Throughout the book Tannen shows characteristics that men and women and how they are different. At the end of the book Tannen tells the reader that although there are many differences between both genders, and it may be hard to understand each other in conversation, it is possible. According to Tannen by understand these differences one will be able to recognize them in conversation, and understand what the other person is trying to say, or realize why they said that. The chapters appear this way because before Tannen can come up with solution to get men and women to better understand the misunderstandings that occur, she has to inform

In the excerpt by Deborah Tannen entitled, The Argument Culture: Moving from Debate to Dialogue Tannen speaks about the oppositional nature of public discourse. She expressed her thoughts on how we are determined to seek certainty by using arguments from two different standpoints, as if there are no additional angles that can be examined. Oftentimes, there are more than two sides of an issue, but due to the way society has taught us, we only look at issues from two extreme perspectives. I find Dr. Tannen to be extremely intelligent in her observations of how people communicate using debates and opposition as a means to express what we believe to be true. Although Americans habitually view issues from only two extreme points of view, dialogue solves more problems than debates because it does not cause division among people as frequently as debates does.

Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.