Forgiveness : A Mental Health Perspective Essay

As I was reading the chapter on forgiveness in Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian Counseling by McMinn (2011), the personal life experience that jumped out to me was when I had to make the decision to truly forgive my ex-boyfriend and his parents for the emotional pain they caused me. After living in New Jersey for a month and spending time with my boyfriend and his family, working, and taking care of an elderly lady with dementia my world came crashing down on me. My ex-boyfriend’s parents discovered sin in his life and told me I could no longer pursue a relationship with him because of the sins he had committed. After finding out the sinful things my ex-boyfriend had done, I chose to forgive him. I also chose to give him a second chance at a relationship with me, but my effort to salvage our relationship was futile.

Forgiveness is not just practiced by saints and not only benefits its recipients but have strong connection with person’s physical, mental and spiritual health. It plays a great role in the health of families, communities and nations. Forgiveness provides common ground for love, acceptance, harmony and true happiness Most spiritual and religious leaders of the world will agree that forgiveness of oneself and others is one way to clear the mind, heart and soul and may result in a feeling of increased peace and happiness.

It is also vital to look at Wilson’s view on the practice of forgiveness and how if an individual decides to ignore it, it can place a road block in their process of change. She believes that God speaks about forgiveness for the following reasons:” (1) we are all sinners with whom to relate so we’ll need to become skillful forgivers (2) God makes forgiveness a centerpiece of our healing process because living in un-forgiveness is so much worse (Wilson, 2001).

Life, as we all know is saturated with misfortune. Most of us are able to go through these and learn from and exempt ourselves. Yet, this isn’t always the case. People are faced with bone riveting experiences that often take a long time to get over, if they ever do get over it. These episodes brew in our brain popping up at the most random points often bringing our tone down. Although these experiences may scare us and fill us with ruefulness and penitence, we can’t continue to live in the past and let these regrets habituate us. Self forgiveness is a remedy to healing and to moving on in life, no matter how hard it is.

Often we are asked the question, can justice and forgiveness go hand in hand? A lot of people believe they can’t. That only one can exist not the other. For some it’s true, they only believe someone can either give forgive, or justice, neither both. Then there are the few people who believe they go hand in hand, one can’t exist without the other. That’s true as well. I’m not sure where I stand exact on the line for these two, maybe exactly on the line. I believe they go hand in hand and in some cases only one works, all depending on the situation. Now we’ve read a number of stories regarding this, but most of them doing with forgiveness and justice going hand in hand. I’m going to talk about a few of these stories, and see where you fall

The motivation and tendency of people to forgive others remains an important topic of discussion. In today’s society most people at some period have experienced feeling of un forgiveness towards friend, or relatives. “Forgiveness was defined as the ability to relinquish of resentment towards others” (Baskin & Enright, 2004, p. 80).

The article "Self-forgiveness: The forgotten stepchild of forgiveness research" is a qualitative rather than a quantitative study of the phenomenon of self-forgiveness. The authors distinguish self-forgiveness versus forgiveness of an 'other' in an outwardly-directed fashion. They state that self-forgiveness has been under-studied in the existing literature. The beginning of the article is devoted to a literature review of existing writings upon the subject, with using a working definition of self forgiveness "as a set of motivational changes whereby one becomes decreasingly motivated to avoid stimuli associated with the offense, decreasingly motivated to retaliate against the self 地nd increasingly motivated to act benevolently toward the self" (Hall & Fincham 2005: 622).

Forgiveness is the excuse of an offense.But it never denies the offense, the hurt and damage still exists for years.When integrity is not justified, justice restores individuals and the society to show virtuousness.Justice is all about restoration, not revenge.Revenge is a retreat.But the society does it different from what most people do in personal relationships.Through the journey of individuals life, forgiveness is a special thing.It can be a choice or an emotional spirit.Some people tend to hold bitterness and injustice for years, while others can sweep away the situation.Some people might argue that forgiving with justice makes everything so much easier however, it is obvious that sometimes justice does not help with anything.Often there

The Miserable Lives of Those Who Cannot Move On In today’s society, forgiveness is occasionally a touchy subject. Some believe forgiveness is not necessary, while others follow the belief in the Bible, “forgive one another” (The New American Bible, Eph. 4:32). However one looks at this subject, forgiveness can be difficult in certain instances, especially between a coach and his players. When conflicts arise between these two subjects, there are instances when forgiveness can take years, even numerous years.

Forgiveness, while not only Christian, is a belief and practice that almost all Christians hold. Jesus displayed forgiveness in a variety of parables such as the “Lost Son” in Luke 15 and in his life, like when he forgave his persecutors in Luke 23. If we are to aspire to live in a way like Jesus did, then forgiveness needs to be regarded as a positive step to take. Through a case story by Stacy Banerman, we can see how the absence of forgiveness leads to a cycle of violence that will continue as people seek to justify their blame. Stacy Bannerman’s tragic story about the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) on her husband displays the unbearably hard aftermath of losing everything.

“Forgiveness is not always as easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.” This heart wrenching quote by Marianne Williamson gives substantial insight on the true agony that comes along with forgiveness. As we all travel through the journey of life, we face many obstacles which we must overcome.

This in turn leads to the idea in which forgiveness is a cancellation of a debt and the offended party no longer expects repayment for the pain caused (Pettigrove, 2012). Additionally, forgiveness is the release of bitterness or anger as an effect of an apparent offense while ceasing to demand punishment (Pettigrove, 2012). Furthermore, it begins by accepting what has happened and choosing to let go by making a decision to forgive and love the offender by canceling the debt (Pettigrove, 2012). Likewise, it releases judgement as well as thoughts of revenge or ill-will to the one who caused harm while resuming some form of a relationship with those who caused the hardship (Pettigrove, 2012). What is more, it is taking the responsibility for one’s own feelings while taking back control of one’s life instead of allowing those feelings complete control (Pettigrove, 2012). Finally, it allows God the room to move and work within our lives as He begins to heal the brokenness.

Enright and Reed’s (2006) article confirms that forgiveness is extremely important because it brings positive change from negative experiences. Forgiveness therapy does not mean that a person has to forget the abuse they experienced. It does not even mean that the person is looking to build a better relationship with the person that abused him or her but it does mean that the person has made a moral decision to have an attitude of benevolence which will improve all of the negative outcomes of the abuse. Accepting the fact that I have been done wrong and realizing that I cannot change what has already occurred leads me to only want to make sure the situation or a similar situation does not happen again. Choosing to forgive and let go of anger makes room for joy and cheerfulness.

Everyone has the control within them to forgive or not to forgive someone. Forgiveness comes down to taking responsibility for the choices we make and doing what we believe is right. By forgiving others, authority of our own lives can be regained by letting go of the conflicting objects from the past and moving into a more significant direction. The world today is full of conflict and people are being hurt every day. Conflict is seen today in politics, between countries, and between your average everyday people. Conflicts such as those listed above are often shaping the atmosphere we live in and shaping the person we are today. We can see that forgiveness is a place to start when trying to resolve conflicts, but not everyone will

In general, self-forgiveness is identified by a common ability to exhibit self-respect in spite of the acceptance of wrong-doing (Hall, J., Fincham, D., 2005). I never considered the distinction between interpersonal forgiveness and intrapersonal forgiveness. While they share many similarities, there is even greater evidence of the differences between the two. One significant difference involves the consequences of withholding forgiveness from self. It is likely that intrapersonal unforgiveness can be much more detrimental than interpersonal. Hall & Fincham state “ Self-forgiveness often entails a resolution to change” (2005). It is this process of acceptance of one’s own imperfections and sinful nature that catapults a desire for self-improvement and growth. This is a critical component of healing the soul and beginning the journey to spiritual and mental health. Also enlightening was the declaration that one can experience pseudo self forgiveness by failing to acknowledge any wrong doing and convincing him/herself that they are without fault. Finally, I was struck by the notion that self-forgiveness will typically