English 1A MW 4:30pm 3/20/13 Game of Love Throughout our lives we've seen many men and women conversing with one another. We also have noticed how single men and women interact with each other differ from when talking to the same gender; but what do they talk about? What is their motive in starting a conversation? Specifically, I’ve done an observation between men and women conversing with one another in Starbucks, at Marysville, and a bar called Round Corner Tavern in Sacramento. The outcome of it was women showed more emotion when talking to their girlfriends, men acted with no manners when talking to their guy friends, and when single men and women talk to one another they become more aware of their behaviors. In Starbucks, I …show more content…
His behavior was more polite and respectful than the other guys from last time. The guy didn’t mind facing the girl face to face. Fortunately, the girl felt the same way as the guy did. She stepped closer to the guy since she felt more comfortable being around him. I could tell the guy was testing the water because he was hesitant on some of his behaviors. I would do the same if I was in his shoes. If I was with a beautiful girl, I always have the urge to ask weird questions, just like I would do with my guy friends, to make her laugh. But I wouldn’t because I don’t want to show an attractive girl my weird side. On the other hand, the girl’s body language showed that she was flirtatious. When the girl was talking to him, his facial expressions showed that he was interested in what she was saying, compared to if he was talking to a guy because he smile throughout the whole conversation. It almost felt like watching a soap opera In the article, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation” Deborah Tannen points out in her research that most women share secrets to form friendship and stays in one topic for a long period of time. Whereas men do less talking while jumping from one topic to another and more doing things together. Tannen also says that most couples can’t understand each other after years of togetherness. Through my observations, this proves her point accurate because most men and women conversations are very different from
To define these communication conundrums, Tannen discusses “rapport-talk” and “report-talk”. She defines “rapport-talk” as “For most women, the language of conversation is primarily
Understanding can only occur through connections with other people, a main reason why communication is essential to a relationship's longevity. Gilligan stated that females are able to make this three-stage transition effortlessly while males have a difficult time advancing past the first stage.
In “Man to Man, Woman to Woman”, M. Sherman and A. Hass explain the problem of male –female communication through the research. They passed a questionnaire to 160 women and 110 men asking them that how often they talk about the topic listed on the questionnaire with friends of the same sex. From the responses of the questionnaire, they wrote this article. They said that the men reported talking about sports, current events, music, whereas women reported talking about relationship problems, health, family, reproductive concerns, weight, food, and clothing. They come up with the conclusions that both men and women don’t have to adopt other’s style, but they have to recognize and respect other’s style. Well, it seems like Sherman’s and Hass’s article can really tell us accurate information than that of Maynard’s article. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the majority view and not one person’s view like “His Talk, Her Talk”. “Man to Man, Woman to Woman” is based on the survey, so the newlyweds would be able to understand better because now-a-days people like data from research, they like exact numbers. Moreover, the survey done by Hass and Sherman leads us to the conclusion that the difference in topics is not so damaging to intimate male-female relationships as are the differences in the style and function of conversation. J. Maynard’s data are merely based on her own life experiences. Some people may not believe in one person’s
The first difference is how they listen to people talking. Women love to make “listener noises such as ‘mhm,’ ‘uhuh,’ and ‘yeah.’” They do this to show “I’m with you” (Tannen332). On the other hand, men listen in silence. When men are silent it usually is because they are trying to interpret the information. Another reason for a men’s silence is when they go into their “cave” because they are upset or stressed. Women misinterpret a man’s silence and they imagine horrible things such as “he hates me, he doesn’t love me, he is leaving me forever.” A women’s silence means what she’s about to say is going to hurt them or she doesn’t want to talk to them. If they can realize they have different ways of communicating then there wouldn’t be many worries or
Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why it is so Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other
In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.
Male and female differ in their use of communication because their reasons for communicating are different. Men
In order to be able to solve some of the problems associated with gender miscommunications, we should distinguish first between the two different types of communications: verbal communication and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication consists of messages expressed by linguistic means such as the use of intonation, the specific words we choose to say, and the way we are saying them. There are differences in females and males usage of language/verbal communication. As we might expect from traditional sex-role stereotypes, girls tend to establish more egalitarian same-sex groups. Girls use friendly groups as a training ground for cooperation. Boys view friendly conversation among their friends as training for verbal aggression. Females are more verbal, use three times more amount of words than males, they are much more descriptive and use more adjectives. Women are less direct in their communication style. As Prof. Tannen showed in one of her research, women are more indirect in answering questions depends on the situation. They answer questions the way they would like to be answered by men, which means more than just a yes/no answer. However, men answer the way they would like to be answered
Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women
interactions performed by people on a daily basis; gender is not merely a concept, but an
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of
Communication is a crucial part of our daily lives which can be interpreted in various ways. Although, many couples think they have no problems communicating with each other; however, the issue among genders still exists. Learning to talk and listen can improve relationships in many ways. Therefore, Deborah Tannen, John Gray, Susan Page, and John Gottman focused on improving communication skills between genders.
One of the main topics this book focuses on is the social aspect of relationships, regarding parent to child, parent to parent, and child to peer. In the psychology 135 class there has been discussion in regards to importance and significance of having healthy or open communication in relationships. An important concept that has been discussed when it comes to communication in gender differences is report vs. rapport. According to the course text, Marriages, Families, & Relationships: Making Choices in a Diverse Society by Mary Ann Lamanna and Agnes Riedmann, Report talk is what men typically engage in which is mainly aimed at conveying information, Rapport is what women usually engage in by speaking to gain or reinforce intimacy or connection with others (Lamanna 328). In other words report is used in order to gain a solution while rapport is used to gain or foster intimacy. When connecting this information to
She studied ethnic groups, which speak the same language using different styles, and found that the effect of gender on communication is miniscule compared to the effect of culture and socialization. In her research, Tannen asserts that the basic uses of conversation by women are to establish and support intimacy; while for men it is to acquire status. These styles and motives for communicating represent different cultural upbringings, and one is not necessarily better than the other. However, she also notes in her findings that men tend to interrupt more and ask questions less. In fact, the female tendency to ask more questions sometimes results in receiving lower grades from male professors who view frequent questioning as proof that a student knows less than her male counter parts.
In the article “Talk in the Intimate Relationship: His and Hers” by Deborah Tannen, you will begin to see and discover the differences in conversation between men and women. Discussed throughout this paper are the importance of metamessages, an overview of Tannen’s article, whether Tannen is fair in her article toward both men and women and whether I agree with Tannen’s article as well as experiences of my peer’s and myself.