His Needs, Her Needs

Variables such as abuse, illness, death, and financial issues all factor into crumbling marriages; “irreconcilable

The majority of people who join together with their significant other through the act of marriage hope and dream that marriage will surround them with infinite love and happiness; unfortunately that is not always the case. In fact, “according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s 2013 American Community Survey, 10 percent of Maine women and 11 percent of men in Maine are divorced.”1 Though 10 and 11 percent seem like fairly small percentages, 10 percent of Maine women is approximately 67,831 women, and 11 percent of Maine men is approximately 71,506 men, which truly are not small figures to take into consideration. Since marriages do not always have a happy ending

Pratz’s first main point is that marriages can be predicted to either succeed or end in divorce within the early stages of courtship or initial years of marriage. She offers that the early stages of distress are what determine a couple’s fate. Pratz includes Ted Huston, a professor of human ecology and psychology at the University of Texas, and his Process of Adaptation in Intimate Relationships Project as her main source throughout the article. Pratz states, “through multiple

When our friends and family marry, the ultimate goal is “Till Death Do Us Part”, however, contrary to popular belief half of marriages end in divorce. This statistic has been proven to be accurate for the last 40 years. Due to the large number of divorces, they are a lot more acceptable than they once were. Now becoming a societal norm. Divorces are now a part of everyday life. This ethical shift has impacted a lot of people, mostly the children. Figuring out why most Americans are choosing divorce over marriage counseling will depend on many generalization factors.

This entire book actually helped me and my own boyfriend, Ryan. I decided it would be interesting for us to complete a few of the little questionnaires and love maps in the book. It was enjoyable and it certainly helped strengthen our relationship. On one certain love map on page 58 through 60, it genuinely made me gain a new appreciation for Ryan. Ryan and I have been dating for about a year and a half. I have invariably speculated that he never listened when I would tell him little tidbits of my life. For example, whenever I tell him I’m hanging out with my friend Taylor, his response is always, “Who’s Taylor?” I constantly became upset, considering we have

John Gottman asserts that within minutes of observing a couple, he can with 94% accuracy, predict whether their marriage will succeed and be happy or end in divorce. He bases this prediction on their ratio of positive to negative interactions between the couple. If he is correct, then using communication tools which increase positive interactions in a marriage will increase the chances of a successful marriage. No marriage is perfect, but there seems to be identifying markers that characterize marriages which end in divorce. John Gottman calls these indicators, “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” These four behaviors are criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling.

There is a staggeringly large amount of divorces in the United States (US). In total, the US had a recorded total of 2,140,272 marriages in the year 2014 alone, and of those marriages, 813,862 ended up in divorce or annulment (Center for Disease Control). This means that as recently as 2014, there was a divorce rate of approximately 40%. This supports the statistics that the divorce rate for the US has stayed within 40-50% since the 1970’s (Austin Institute, 2014). While the numbers themselves are important, it is also important that the causes for the high divorce rate be explored, so that it can be known what pitfalls to avoid when participating in such an important union as marriage. There are many causes of divorce in the US such as conflicting gender roles, socioeconomic status, religious conflicts, physical abuse, emotional abuse, alcohol addictions, and many more (Amato & Previti, 2003). This paper will look at many of these reasons, but it will also focus on the differing reasons reported by men and women.

I believe that maintaining the marriage should be the decision of the parties involved when a couple enters relationship counseling because of conflict and emotional distress. I would not want to impose my personal beliefs on my client’s. By having a conversation around what values each client has and what values they each have in common I would allow them a safe space to continue exploring what they want to do as a team. Counselors should not have a greater ethical responsibility to encourage couples to maintain the marriage when children are involved because every family is different and one should not assume that because they have children they have to stay together for the betterment of the family. One reason I would not want to do so is because not all families need to stay together to strive and I would not want to impose my belief that they should stay together when they could make the family dynamic work with whichever path they choose to take. What needs to be done is to have a conversation around the needs of their child and what they believe is the best

Ellen McCarthy writes that most of the newlyweds she interviewed that were getting married for the second or third time around said that one error they made that led to divorce was “letting problems build or pushing them under the rug”(214). Avoidance may seem like the best way to “keep the peace”(109), but after a while the problems repress and do start to stack up, taking a toll on a person until they finally burst at a point of no return. This can be seen as a science. To provide an illustration of what this neglect can do, think of Adam Savage’s favorite thing to do on his show MythBusters; blow up hot water heaters. The water heater represents the person and the water inside correlates to the problems that are kept inside that person. Inside this water heater, due to months maybe even years of avoidance, there is 70 percent water inside leaving only 30 percent empty and problem free. The water starts to heat up as time goes on as the problems are stewed over and the water begins to expand. Unfortunately, being deeply invested in the relationship, the safeties on the water heater are disabled and so the pressure of keeping the relationship alive causes the water to heat past its boiling point. Due to this pressure, instead of actually boiling, the water keeps expanding until there is no empty space left. With water filling up, the heater fails to keep it contained and so it is released. The water doesn’t just pour out of the heater either, due to the high temperature it explodes. At this point, there’s not much you can do to fix that water heater, let alone the relationship. Avoidance doesn’t only hurt the person that is avoiding, it also hurts the partner, especially if they are in the role of the pursuer. Trying to talk to your partner just to be stonewalled or have the conversation drift off to something irrelevant can be

Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, this is a statistic many of us are familiar with. Although it is such a familiar statistic, I’m not sure many of us think about the severity of this figure. This means that one half of everyone who thinks they are marrying the love of their life and will be together forever is mistaken. Going through divorce can ruin individuals and families in the blink of an eye. This statistic is not just a statistic it’s heartbreaking. Think how heartbreaking that statistic would be if it were to increase. Think how high that statistic has the potential of being without marriage counseling. The correct type of marriage counseling has been proven affective for many couples all

A PAPER SUBMITTED TO DR. JAMES D. GIBSON FULFILLMENT OF REQUIREMENTS FOR CO 5740 INTRODUCTION TO MARRIAGE AND FAMILY COUNSELING

Marriage requires effort and work. Many newlyweds come into a marriage thinking it is easy but do not consider the consequences of marriage that heavily rely on balances and partnership. Marriage is all about compromise. It is important to engage in a premarital program to allow both partners to learn what to expect within a marriage, how to face certain roadblocks, and to better communication when conflict is aroused so that divorce does not become an option. Gottman’s research (2009) has made a significant contribution to the study of relationship and marriage tying unity, harmony, and communication together to make relationship and marriage work. When a couple who does not have consummate love (intimacy, passion, and commitment), they often portray the six indicators of divorce: harsh startup, the Four Horsemen, flooding, body language, failed repair attempts and reflecting on bad memories (Gottman, 2009). Divorce often occurs within the first two years of marriages and almost half of divorces end within the first seven years (Bhutto-Ramirez, 2015).

 McFarland continues, "œIf we can help couples see there'™s hope for their marriage, and they can believe in that hope, just a little, they almost always end up having a better marriage than before. For a good many of the couples I see, the problems that bring them into counseling become the raw material they need to grow a great marriage. The crisis brings the breakthrough."

Lack of communication between the partners is one of the most common direct causes of divorce. When knowing one's thoughts and emotions too well all that is left is daily talks about the children, work and bills. Along with not having much to talk about, people in marriage commonly hold back the feelings and thoughts they have making the communication gap even greater. When there is a communication gap the gap has potential to be filled with arguments.

“DIVORCE” – Just the sound of such word in any married couple or children’s ear can cause great agony that can even become terminal. Research and personal experience, has proven that in today's society, divorce is more common amongst newlyweds. Since 2009 the rate of divorce has increased to approximately forty percent, There are three out of every ten marriage that ends up in divorce before it reaches the stage of maturity, and the most prevalent results are – lack of communication and infidelity.