His Needs, Her Needs

1769 Words8 Pages
In Willard F Harley, Jr.’s book entitled His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage, the reasons for divorce are discussed. Harley discovered the simplest answer for why couples were struggling and marriages were failing. People were simply not in love with each other anymore. For many years, he and the majority of other marriage counselors around the nation struggled to piece back the relationships. He discusses his own discovery of why that was happening. He felt that counselors were paying attention to the wrong side of the issue. In general, counselors thought the key was to enhance communication to solve problems. Of course, that is apart of it, but that was not the “fix” for struggling couples. Counselors were so…show more content…
Then Harley reminds them of how much time and devotion they put into the relationship while courting. Harley says that people marry because they enjoy the courting process so much and they want it to continue throughout life. Sadly, couples tend to take each other for granted when the weight of life sets in. Financial struggling generally leads to such issues. However, Harley made the point that money or a career should serve a marriage; a marriage should never serve money or a career. Conversation also had a way of fading out with they couples interests began to separate into their own “spheres.” Couples that grow apart have to make an effort to become more involved in each other’s lives and interests. As the couples share more interests, they have more to talk about. This goes hand-in-hand with the male desire for recreational companionship. He needs a wife that can enjoy activities with him. This gives a balance to the relationship because as the woman becomes more involved in the activities that once made them so close, they gain more to talk about.
The next set of chapters do not really compare or contrast. However, I did find it odd that honesty was not listed among the top five needs of men. Maybe that is just the woman coming out in me, but I could not imagine a relationship without it. Granted, it does make sense from a privacy standpoint. Women have a tell-all way about them; whereas, men tend to need some prying to get down to what
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