How My Life Is Unmanageable

All I could think about were those two words, “Clinically depressed.” How could this be happening to me. There is a chemical missing in my brain, how does that work? The next doctors appointment had finally arrived, and the office had the same nose burning stench of pine-sol and clorox. My mother and I were called back to a different office this time. This office looked like it was an elite painting that was hung on one of the wall of the Titanic. The tall broad shouldered women recapped on everything that was discovered that week before. “Now,” she said, “ I recommend prescribing a non-addictive drug to treat her clinical depression.” Those two words still made me feel like a 10 pound bowling ball was just dropped into my stomach. Clinically depressed, clinical depression, they didn’t make sense to me. We went on talking about what the medicine does and how it works. Toward the end of the appointment I myself came to a decision. Being the stubborn mule I am I did not want to take, what I call, happy pills. I also did not want to continue these therapy appointments. I felt and still feel like I do not need the gruesome appointments with a lady that is going to tell me everything that needs, fixed, with me. The doctor said that she hoped I reconsidered, but still to these very second ticking days, I don't plan on going back or taking any inessential

Unfortunately, that situation didn’t go as planned and living further away from my job with no car caused me to lose my job. Losing my job put an extreme amount of stress on my family, due to not having money to pay the bills or to support my pill habit. At this point in time I knew I had a problem with narcotics and needed help. I put it off when Tim got a job thinking that I could support my habit again. Things got better for a while until Tim started using painkillers with me. Tim had gone so long trying to encourage me to stop, that he started using them with me. It was fun using together for a few months; until I found out we were going to have a baby. Now, we were both addicted to narcotics, had no vehicle, struggling just to get by financially, with a seven year old girl and a two year old girl. I knew something had to change because we were both too weak to help each other get clean. Due to this, we decided it was best to move in with my father. When I made the call to my father to confess my addiction, tears started running down my face. Admitting to my dad my struggle with narcotics was hard because I didn’t want to be a disappointment to him however, I needed to get help and the first step was to be honest and admit I had a problem.

Addiction is a disease that I will battle for the rest of my life. After being sexually assaulted at the age of twelve, I started to self-destruct. Lack of parental support, less than pristine living conditions, and an addictive personality paved an expressway to a life of addiction. I chose to hang with undesirable people, and was introduced to Marijuana, LSD, Ecstasy, PCP, Cocaine, Heroin and eventually what became the love of my life, the prescription painkiller Morphine. Never did I think that trying pot would have a domino effect. It led me to try harder and more addictive substances ultimately turning my life upside down. Often publicly

Heroin started with “sniffing” and eventually led to intravenous use. I lost my job, stopped going to school and lost my family. I did not want to subject this drug use to my young children, so they went to live with their father. I had contact with my children, however, I missed out on a lot of memories and milestones, which I now feel they resent me for.

Just over a year ago I was homeless, pregnant, and sleeping in a tent on the grassy median next to the beach in Waikiki. Twelve years of hard drinking, two years of shooting meth, a failed marriage, abusive relationships, and losing custody of my oldest child brought me to this self-centered existence. I was battling depression and struggling to stay clean and sober. I did not see a future for me and feared I would lose my youngest child to CPS. I couldn’t let that happen. I had to get help. I reached out and on December 2, 2013 I entered the Salvation Army Family Treatment Services (SAFTS), a residential drug treatment facility in Kaimuki. My journey to recovery had begun.

I respect that you went straight for the herion. I respect that you skipped over the marijuana and the cocaine, those drugs are for pleblian’s Chester, you’re no pleblian. I heard you had out of town visitors last week. Chester, you fool. You should never have out of town visitors because you have to do things like take them to Sea World. Sea World is probably what drove you to the Heroin! Or would you like to blame your heroin use on me as well?

But things changed. I remember my life became such turmoil that I no longer wanted to continue living it. I realized that I was trapped within my addiction. I began to believe there had to be more, but what? I began going to Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings to try and escape the dead end life I was living. They did not talk about a God but about a Higher Power. I went to these meetings every night for 90 days. The longer I was without drugs the clearer my mind became but my life remained empty. I began to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. I was told I had major depression and was treated with medication and weekly therapy sessions. The depression improved but again not the emptiness or my bleak outlook on life. An NA friend invited me to her church. I thought it was silly and useless but she was so insistent and I cared for her so I went. When I walked into the church it was loud and the music pounded from the drums and caught up with my heart. People hugged me and welcomed me as a visitor. Everyone seemed so happy. I felt warmth in my chest and I felt light like I was floating and even though I did not believe in God when I walked into the church I realized he was there. I felt

Who would’ve gone through five days of feeling a slight burning sensation when they could experience a dry mouth and an upset stomach instead? Even though I’m a track star that goes through grueling workouts everyday, I am still a crybaby after all. Even though the use of the drug has brought about more side effects over the past two years that include, but are not limited to, sleep apnea, severe constipation, and complications to both my heart and my lungs, I am still happy that I avoided the temporary pains of surgery from two years ago. Even the thought of experiencing pain was soon pacified by the wonderful drug Hydrocodone. With each refill of my prescription, I began to feel as if I was invincible, like Superman minus the flying and the cape. One time I experienced a paper cut and almost had a panic attack, but then everything was fine as soon as I took my Hydrocodone. Before every track practice, I would even pop a pill in order to forget about how exhausted I was. It was therapeutic; It was my insulin and I was the diabetic recipient. That’s why I was so surprised when my coach reported me for drug abuse when he saw me taking three pills at once. He called me a “drug addict” and said I needed to be admitted into this thing called “rehab”. I was at a loss for words and I couldn’t think clearly, but I couldn’t tell if it was from my

I believe The Pain of Painkillers and The Hell of Heroin can be helpful in your time of need. This book is a distillation of what I have learned as a physician treating addiction for more than thirty years. Take advantage of what I have to offer.

I really enjoyed this chapter and there are some dynamics that I know all too well. The family model and the complexities are something I haven’t know until more recent, at least a certain dynamic of it. I families want and expect me to be a certain way. I think about my wife and how she would try to exclude me and how she seemed happier when I was on drugs. She grew up in a family of six where the father, for the most part was absent. Lee had left for four years of Kyia’s life for reasons I never pursued and probably aren’t known, meaning that rarely does a person commit to such a change without have multiple motivators. For the most part I wasn’t a drug user throughout our marriage, my faith was extremely important to me, and still is.

The client for this paper is a twenty-seven-year-old single mother to a six-year-old son. The client was raised in a hardworking middle class family in which her father built a successful business. Her parents divorced when she was ten years old, and she reports she never heard them argue before they announced to the family they were separating. The client describes the divorce as “ugly.” She started smoking marijuana with her friends at the age of fourteen which led to her opioid intravenous addiction by the age of eighteen. The client’s drug of choice is hydrocodone. She admits she has never tried to abstain from her drug use and has been arrested over twelve times as a result of her addiction. Her last drug charge resulted in a six-year prison sentence at the age of twenty-three. The client is currently court ordered to successfully complete an in-patient drug treatment program for up to eighteen months. If she successfully completes the program, she will be released two years early from her sentence. The client has been diagnosed with 304.00 (F11.20) Opioid Use Disorder – Severe which continues to make her eligible for treatment. Client is Hepatitis C positive.

As every teenager there is one thing they all want to do and that is to fit in. For many, fame is the game. The only option is to fit in, but how will they ever achieve such a thing? When they looked around each corner all they all see one thing, people laughing and enjoying life. Maybe if you go near them and they will offer you marijuana. This marijuana is supposed to help you with your pain, reduce stress, and help you have a good time. Too good to be true, right? That 's because it probably is. This is one of the most common traps people fall into. They look at what the marijuana will do to make all the negative possibilities go away and excitement come and to not worry about future outcomes. It is begining of a new life and

stated, “Few days ago I used heroin by myself.” Counselor encouraged and helped Pt. to analyze the relapse and develop strategies to prevent future relapses and discuss why abstaining from all drugs is important. Counselor taught Pt. that one way to prevent the reemergence of heroin use is to recognize the early warning signs of his addictive behaviors. Pt. explained that one of his addictive behaviors is the thrill of getting the drug and chasing for the drug dealer. Pt. verbalized how he did not achieve the desire “high” after snorting the drug. Pt. identified the current triggers that he faces are when his girlfriend used in front of him and dealing with his anxiety every day. Pt. reported that he wants to pay for his girlfriend methadone TX. Pt. stated, “I am going to help the people around him to get clean so I can help myself,” Counselor encouraged Pt. to put first recovery first because learning a better way of life is his highest need. For the next 15 minutes, Counselor assisted Pt. to weighing pros and cons of continuing substance use. Pt. stated, “The pros are stopping my racing mind, helping with stress and helping control my anxiety. The cons are losing more money, losing relationships, damaging my body, getting in trouble with the law, not achieving my goals and can’t pay bills.”

I forgot to mention about the many other treatments there are out there such as individual, group therapy, or 12 step programs some people would prefer the individual therapy because they don't want a lot of people in their personal business about their addiction(s). I know it may be hard for some people to sit in a group session and talk about their problems but sometimes you will be able to meet people that suffer from the same addiction as you then you can talk to them privately about how they beat the addiction then you will be able to practice the same procedures they took to get over their addiction.

Everyone has their own unique beliefs and motives that push them through their lives. I have many different beliefs instilled in me that mold my day to day life. These beliefs have been formed either by learning from my parents, or by personal experiences. One major conviction of mine is the pursuit of happiness. There are many ways to strive for happiness, and all people are unique in the fact that no one shares the same goals. My happiness comes from a core of beliefs. Religion is an extremely important part of my life, and I can thank my mother and father for that. Another belief of mine is that hard work pays off; in many situations I have been shown that a good work ethic goes a long way in being successful. I also believe in being an optimist throughout life’s trials and tribulations. Many things can upset me in day to day experiences; however, I believe it to be crucial to obtain a joyous attitude. These beliefs have become priorities to me and carry me through my life, and help me to succeed.