Humorous Wedding Monologue

Decent Essays
Jeremy K. Good morning hot cakes! I had a dream I was working at loans again! My boss Stewart was amazing (although I hope to never have to serve again). Well ol Barbara and I are already up and about. She didn't go to bed until 3 and in 23 days it hasn't rained 3 of them... she's so loco. You know..... I'll never forget one summer she got out of the car (pulled over) and acted like she was going to use a pay phone.. her phone was on the top of her purse... I did pass a work van on new circle that "does it all" plumbing, electric, cleaning ect... I could give them a long list and say happy I'm getting married mommmm (maybe dinner first)!! Aka tell them I am renting them a week. I am sure she would keep them busy. She has so many dehumidifiers…show more content…
Then Im telling you they ARE best friends now (he still knows who his #1 is though). I am glad she had him, she'd take him to Louisville with her to her ex boyfriends. She takes him everywhere here, ha! It cracks me up, last year she got him a haircut, first time in.. 12 years, he looked like a puppy it was precious. Every time we back down the drive, "oh look at him he's crying!".. "mom.."..."no look at him he wants to go!".."mom... we won't be gone…show more content…
we had tiger the cat he was a tom cat, when we moved to this house I was in Kindergarden we couldn't find him. Here the owners left Regan a big ol German Shepard, I turned his dog house into a club house (he was that big) once he ran away.. he scared me too cause he'd growl when I'd try to pet him (while he was eating). Then we got Rex.. well he was a retired cop dog and I could literally ride him around. He lasted about 5 months then someone stole him. Then we got George Regan, well this dog was so stupid he'd pee on you every time you pet him. He ended up biting someone on dogwood.. I have no clue how he got that far or why.. but the peoples daughter he bit kept him.. or perhaps they killed him and didnt tell me? Well then we got Jack, he was a jack russel looked just like wishbone. I went to work with mom for some reason, and one of her coworkers had him on a leash out front, well I asked if I could pet him and she said of course he's yours! That was a surprise and sweet gift from the Barbara. We had him probably 7 years, he ate her peper spray once and went blind he sill could jump up to your neck. So we took him everywhere he was my best buddy. He was the only one she'd let me keep in the house ( 50% of the time). Then her and amanda backed over him on christmas eve one year (I might have already told you this) I was out at lavanias with the village and here comes amanda in crying, she throws off her wig
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