Humorous Wedding Speech: A Short Story

Good afternoon ladies and gents, I am here to give you guys your commencement speech. When I heard that I could do it, I immediately said yes, then I had to go home and do all this research about what a commencement was and how to actually make one. When I did do the research everything popped up in spanish and then I realized my father had changed the settings. But here I am giving it all I got, but besides that I am here today to talk about the future. A subject no one is willing to raise their hand for or even let out a small peep. Usually when the subject about the future is brought up everyone starts crying and starts panicking, well this is for the class of 2016, some of us don’t know where we are going, some of us do but that’s okay,

“Good morning Ms. Britney, how are you?” Good morning, Mr. Douglas, I am doing well. Thank you.” I responded with a partial smile on my face. I just started a hot pot of coffee, it should be ready when you get settled. He said as he was walking down the hall. Douglas is one of our embalmers at the mortuary. He has been with me for about five years now and he really does a great job. It’s funny because I would never have guessed that I would be owing and running my own funeral home business. It’s been almost 6 years since I opened my door and 10 years since I have been involved in the funeral home business. I remember like it was yesterday, I was out of college and needed a job. I ran into Mr. Edwards at the gas station and ended up getting

Salam alaikum and good evening, everyone. I would like to thank Brother Naeem Baig and the ICNA National Committee for a phenomenal job organizing this year’s convention honoring the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and for inviting me to speak tonight. I would also like to thank my colleagues at the Arab American Association of New York for their hard work and dedication, which allows me the opportunity to be in attendance at this indispensable conference. I am extremely honored to be here with all of you. It means a lot to me to be back in Baltimore. As some of you may know, last April I participated in the March2Justice, walking on foot with Justice League NYC and friends from across the country from New York City to Washington, D.C. to deliver a "Justice Package" of criminal justice reform legislation that will end racial profiling, demilitarize our police forces, and invest in our communities. Along the way, my fellow marchers and I stopped in this great, and at that time, troubled city and attended Sunday services at the Empowerment Temple and joined Freddie Gray protests at the Western District police station. Those were unforgettable and moving experiences that I will carry with me, always.

When you were a boy I shared a game with you every morning. I would KNOCK KNOCK on you door I would come up right next to the bed and you would jump up into my arms. “Good morning Papa!!!!” You would say then I would tell you how much I love you.

Hello. Welcome to the Jeremy and Jamie after party. The after after party is going to be where the real fun is, but, most of you won’t wanna be in the room, and you sick twisted freaks that will….shame on you. Its their wedding, Damn it!!! I am your cordial host as it were, the slightly battered, partially bruised Josh Johnston. It has to do with wasps and tripping out of trucks and....well, never mind. Many of you know me, and for those of you that don't....you won't soon forget....like it or not. In addition to getting the honor and privilege to stand up here with my sister and her beautiful bride...wait....wrong cards....these aren't even MY CARDS!!! Damn dressing room mixups!!! I also am privileged to be the best man. That is a position

I am assisting Gary Beane with your 403 (b) retirement account. Mr. Beane met with you on the 8/17/17 at Lakes Region General Hospital at 8:30 am; you expressed to him that would like to hold your current investment, but you want to change in your Birth Date due to is wrong on Aspire- the Record-Keeper. I have attached the participant personal information change form. Please, sign it and date it and then send it back to us to that we can resubmit it to aspire to make the appropriate changes. Please, if you have any questions give Mr. Beane a call.

Happily she replied, “Well I recognize, it is as good as it’s going to get!”

Hi dear sponsor, How are you? I hope everything is well among your family and friends. Let me tell you that I’m very happy to write you again.

Thank you for participating in the call Tuesday morning. It brought much more clarity to the Project. I do not believe we need to have a meeting today, however I would like to add some notes from last night.

One of the first things I checked when I woke yesterday was who won the popular vote. I suspected that it would be Hilary, and I was right.  I refused to believe US citizens had become so backward. [?]

Congratulations on your Confirmation! Furthering your relationship with God is a huge step that will help you greatly throughout the rest your life. As you grow older, you will experience adversity that can cause you to doubt your relationship with those around you. When you feel as if you have no one to turn to, just know you always have me, your family, and God ― no matter the situation. I am so happy to have you in my life. You are the little sister I have always wanted. As you go into high school next year, you will begin to shape who you are as a person. You are already so beautiful inside and out, but stay humble as you are now. I know you will never lose your kind and funny personality and I am so proud to call you a friend

Recently (Sep 2nd) we sent you an email announcing the recent business relationship between SwitchForce LLC and Nexiilabs Technologies. It is with this in mind that I wanted to follow up with you, so together we can move forward with arranging a quick 15 minute conference call, at your earliest convenience between yourself and Eric. At that time he will provide you with more specific details regarding the numerous technological solutions that NexiiIabs offers. While also addressing any questions or comments that you might have. Eric is available to speak with you the week of September 14th. What day and time is convenient with your schedule for him to contact you?

Please donate to help us unite the world and share this message around the globe. Together, we will lead the world into a new future.

I am contact you on my hold in FAMU Irattler. I went to FAMU Orientation they told me everything was clear to register for my classes. Also, Elmer Fuller, III, was help me through this precede, so I can have a smooth transited at FAMU. Please Contact me Mrs Adria , so I can make the dead for register Fall 2016.

iii) Even though you are my little sister, I have learned so much from you and I admire you.