I Am The Hardest Day Of My Life

April 21, 2016 the day my life changed forever, the day nothing would ever be the same again. To everyone else it was just another day they were living in. On this day I would have spinal fusion surgery to correct the 60 degree curve in my back with two rods, and twenty-four screws. Everything would change for me during my four hours of surgery. The way I walked, the way I appeared to everyone, I wouldn't have the same balance, and most importantly nobody would talk about me anymore. These were all things I had to deal with for two years. I’ve learned from it that I’m a stronger person for putting up with it, and not letting it get to me all the time. Even if some days were harder than other days.

I started to write about how I felt betrayed and unloved and how angry I was. I was typing feelings that I didn 't even know I had. I wrote about how he somehow was able to get inside my head and become part of my every day thoughts. It was almost as if I was speaking to him through my writing, and I think that’s what it became. I sarcastically thanked him for not being there when I needed him most. I told him that I suffered through many hardships that involved my mental and physical health, and that I was broken and didn’t know how to handle it.

A few years ago, life was a rollercoaster. My parents were constantly fighting and talking about a possible divorce. I felt that I was the blame for all the chaos. Occasionally, suicidal thoughts came into my mind. But something tells me that ending my life is a bad idea. I asked myself, “Would giving up on life like this leave a good impression for my younger brother?” With the moral dilemma, I kept telling myself that life does get better. It may be tomorrow, or the tomorrow after that. But I know that my tomorrow will eventually come. I told myself to “never let [my] feelings get [me] down. To open [my] eyes and look around.”

I never confronted her, but for a long time I felt like I really couldn’t trust anyone and everyone was against me. After I told my parents about my depression our relationship went downhill very fast. The day after I told them I was taking a nap upstairs and then my dad calls me down so I come down. Then he asked me if I was sleeping and I said yes. He then started yelling at me saying that I wasn’t even trying to help my depression and I had no reason to be depressed. By this time I had already starting sobbing, because I really did have a reason to be depressed and I had been trying to help it since the fourth grade. I then run out of the house to cry and maybe run I didn’t know what I was going to do. So I sit on my porch and cry and cry when I hear my dad start to come to the front door to the outside where I was (whenever he would get done yelling at one of the kids he would find you and apologize). So I started walking I didn’t know where but I was walking. I find myself at our carport and I can’t walk or do anything but cry so I just sit down and I’m doing that cry where it feels like you’re screaming but there is no sound. My dad then shows up and does his whole apology thing but then he says that I should stop sleeping all the time and actually try to help my

Life recurrently hands everyone challenges. March 2015 was a time that I now look back on as a learning experience, a period that not only challenged my strength, but showed me that I was capable of handling anything. It was when my five-year battle with scoliosis was finally put to an end due to a procedure called spinal fusion. Going through major surgery has been one of the most challenging experiences in my life thus far, and still scars me with a slew of painful memories. The restless hospital nights-in which I was up all night in agonizing pain-or the embarrassing days of learning how to walk again-are things I will never forget, despite my constant efforts to try. Being a freshman in high school was already hard enough, and missing

I called my friend to pick me up I was so scared I call my parents because I thought they would be mad at me for allowing myself to stay in that type of relationship. So my friend came to pick me up along with what clothes I had left and took me to my parents’ house, and my mom asked me what was going on and I just told her I got into a bad argument with my boyfriend and I was coming back home. My mom kept asking me was I ok, and I knew she know something was up. The next day I was at work and he called my job saying that he was so sorry and that he didn’t mean to do that, and he didn’t know what had arisen over him. He ask me to come home, and I refuse and said no, he said you just need a little time to clear your head, and to let what happen pass I said ok. Three days went by and he had called me at work because that was the only way he could get in touch with me, and he said was I ready to come back, I said no there is no coming back he got loud with me calling me all types of name. He said that if he couldn’t have me no one could that he would kill me and shoot himself. My heart just dropped I was so terrified for my life, and I had no other choice but to tell my parents what was going on. My parents took me to the police station to make a report and to get a restrain order against him. I didn’t know what I had got myself into, realizing my

However, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back was the moment you lied to me about not telling Tom that you were going to kill yourself in Virginia. When I approached you about the situation, I wish you could have known that I would have understood. Feeling unloved by a boyfriend is a horrible feeling, however, it is not acceptable to use your depression/suicidal thoughts to gain attention. Although, you turned the tables around and said that Tom lied. The way you reacted about the situation made me curious and want to know why you got so defensive. Yes, I did message Tom about this situation and stated “I will not be mad if you lied about Steph attempting suicide in Virginia”. Tom discussed how that was what you told him and it was

In this relationship, I felt like I couldn’t speak my mind; if I did, I felt like I would get punished for it in one way or another. I walked on eggshells and quickly learned to tiptoe around issues or concerns within our relationship. I felt like my feelings, thoughts, and opinions were never validated, no matter how I tried to communicate; conversations, texts, letters, I tried everything but I was still brushed off most of the time and never had his undivided attention, no matter how important the issue was to me. I couldn’t talk about my feelings, if I were to bring up something regarding how I felt, he would quickly become upset and this would manifest itself in many different ways, whether he’d be combative, judgmental, dismissive, frighteningly aggressive, or

I woke up tired as I got ready for college. Amber left for school as I got me self together. Today is September 11, 2015 the day my life turned upside down. Years ago I would cry remembering this day. But now it was pointless. I ran out of hope, my body was slowly drifting away, I was lost just walking through life with no smile or dream. Ever since that day I was secretly on drugs. What was the point of living with nothing to keep you going? Amber didn’t need anyone making her life any

September 20th, 2016 was the day I was dreading the most out of the whole year. That was the day when my boyfriend of almost two years would be leaving to begin his training as a United States Army Military Policeman. We had to wake up at six in the morning to begin our journey to the Gloucester Army Reserve office where his recruiter would take him to the Richmond International Airport to begin his trip to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. Saying goodbye to somebody who has been by my side nonstop for the past two years was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Little did I know, the next five months would be nothing but a few phone calls and occasional letters by mail.

There are moments in life that you will remember for the rest of your life whether good or bad. Consequently, there are moments that, when openly accepted, can be used as turning points; used as more than just the proverbial turn of a page, but rather a beginning to an entirely new book. As I often say, ‘There is Beauty in Rediscovery’ and that is really what life had to become for me. Life had to get to a point where the term rock bottom would be an overstatement because you’re genuinely living in Hell. It is at the lowest moment, and only with God alongside you, that you will find your path to rediscovery and trust me, the path I’m on has been a long one.

No one really knows that in one day, their life can take a turn for the worst. Today, I understand the figurative phrase of “being hit by a train.” All it took was one day. Just one. I wouldn’t see myself consuming two hundred and seventy pills in a semester. Who would? Never would I have imagined that I would encounter such a sever onset of separation anxiety. Not from family or friends, but from my dear girlfriend who has had such a tremendous impact on my life when my family was falling apart and still continues to this day. As I mentioned before, it hit me with such force, that I never saw nor felt coming, a week before college began to be exact. Before I knew it, I was weak. I was neither eating nor drinking, I was vomiting and had diarrhea,

Looking back at the beginning of last year, life was not the best for me. At the time I was going through the transition of moving back from my previous college back to my home in Miami, Florida. Disappointed, at how I did not push myself enough to succeed in my foregoing college, I came to question what I should do now. Everything felt so rushed, the control I had on it was nonexistent. I, like an audience in a movie theater sitting back and watching my life unfold in front of me. Eventually as time went on I decided the best thing to do, is fix myself. I found myself a job at the Grand Beach Hotel in Surfside, Florida as a hostess at the restaurant and everything changed since then. My job helped me become a better individual by showing

I don’t remember much about that day. That day led to a lot of bad things and dark days. I was in middle school, 14 or 15. I was feeling a little bit better after i woke up. I had already been gone for a week or more. It start out as a normal morning. I ate breakfast, got dressed, and did all of the essential things to get ready for school. My sister was already ready. She was going to highschool at that time. My brother was isolated in his room, my father was asleep. My mom is always up when we get ready to go to school. That was no surprise. Smokie one of our cats at the time was really old. My mom was was sitting on our couch using her computer. The smell of freshly brewed coffee was in the air. The sun was just coming up, but it was

For months everything was perfect just like most relationships, we weren’t fully comfortable, we didn’t argue, we didn’t have a lack of trust. It was absolutely perfect. Once we came to about 6 months he left for the first time, and it broke my heart. We had our space, worked things out and eventually got back together. After a couple more months of being okay, he left again. Once again we gave each other space, worked through it and got back together. After finally working everything out i had a concern of a girl he was around and had been talking to. He had promised that it was nothing and that they were just childhood friends, i believed him at first until it started to become more frequent. After fighting about that many times, he ended up leaving, and that third time had me absolutely shattered from the inside, out. I had a very low self esteem, and couldn’t find it in myself to stay healthy and happy. I let myself fall through very deep cracks, and wasn’t sure how I would back out.