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I Created P1

Decent Essays
Specific Comments:

P1, L1 - There is no need for quotation marks in this speech - if they are being used for dialogue - as the entire work is a speech. Thus, I would delete the quotation marks after the question mark in this first line.
P1, L4 - I feel as though that in order to have a better transitioning effect from your introduction to the main claim, “I’ve created” should be used in place of “I created”. I would recommend reading this line aloud and seeing which option you believe works best.

P2, L3 - For grammatical accuracy, an “is” is required to be placed before “because”.
P2, L4 - Just out of curiosity, why did you repeat “and” in this line? Is it for the purpose of emphasis?

P3, L1 - I would recommend including the word “following” before
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P4, L2-5 - Some of the lines in this paragraph, in my opinion, felt as though they could benefit from some general restructuring and rewording as they can potentially come across as confusing in their current organization. For example, one potential correction could read: “Using the TSER point scale, I tested the correlation between a higher efficiency value and the chance of a winning season. I also calculated the quarterbacks’ career and seasonal values. The average efficiency (?) values ranged from 8 to 16.2, footballer (?) Daunte Culpepper at the high end. The variation in the data could be explained by the differences in the teams these quarterbacks played for, all of which have different offensive styles”. I would then recommend a transition before the next sentence, but it’s all up to you! I feel as though the active voice of “I also calculated their career and seasonal values” fits the tone of the piece better than the passive voice of “Their career and seasonal values were also
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