Impact of Children on Committed Relationships

Demographically, over 90% of the participants strongly agreed that fatherhood is crucial in our society. A little over 47% of fathers, that encouragement from the mothers of their children matters because of the obstacles they faced with finance, and their duties on the job. The final results of marital status statistics is over 80% married fathers, nine percent divorced, and six percent never married. One surprising statistic was 90% cohabitate with the mother and focal child (Glenn & Popenoe, 2006).

Jeffrey Cookston, the author, is a Professor of Psychology at San Francisco State University. The University of California at Berkeley trusted him to write this article. He offers tips to fathers in his article. He

“The Myth of Co-Parenting; How it Was Supposed to Be. How it Was” by Hope Edelman and “My problem with Her Anger” by Eric Bartels both explain the strain child rearing and lack of communication can put upon a marriage. The two articles describe their personal experiences with this issue, but the authors have differing points of view on the subject. Although they have different perspectives, both Edelman and Bartels explore ideas of traditional gender roles and unrealistic expectations in relationships.

It is during this time a father needs to be present to father, shape and mold his children (Jones, Kramer, Kim A., Teresa L., Armitage, Tracey, Williams, Keith, as cited in Wallerstein, 1980, 1987). On their 10 year follow up, Wallerstein and Kelley found that regardless of the time spent with a father or not, the father continued to be a significant presence psychologically to adolescents, particularly to boys (Jones et al., as cited in Wallerstein, Kelley, 1974). On Kelley and Wallerstein’s 25 year follow up of their now adult participants in their longitudinal study, they have found that the effects of fatherlessness and divorce during their adolescents were long lasting. The participants in the study by Wallerstein et al. (2000) noted that “The impact of divorce hits them most cruelly as they go in search of love, sexual intimacy, and commitment” (p. 299). These same participants also stated in an interview that they had anxiety issues about relationships and intimacy problems into adulthood (Jones et al., as cited in Wallerstein et al., 2000). Wallerstein et al. (2000) participants of the research also stated that they had resentment towards their parents, particularly the fathers who were seen “selfish and faithless” (p. 300).

One thing that almost everybody will have to deal with at least once in their lifetime is parenting. In parenting, both parents are needed to make the job easier on themselves, their marriage and their child. In the essay The Myth of Co-Parenting: How It Was Supposed to Be. How It Was. by Hope Edelman, Edelman tells her experience with co-parenting. Edelman, along with many women, initially believed that co-parenting was possible. She soon figured out, however, that it was not a realistic goal. Some points that Edelman hits in the essay are the gender roles and societal expectations in parenting, being the nurturer versus being the provider, and how poor communication can ruin

To learn about families from a new perspective, I had the opportunity to work as a research assistant in Today’s Couples and Families research lab, which aimed to better understand modern couples and

The key research question in this study is what are the long term effects of parental divorce on a child’s relationship between their parents and their siblings? They took into consideration variables such as age of divorce, gender, and living arrangements so they can see what influence they may have on the present study results and compare it with previous studies. They gave 3 different surveys to 102 students with married parents and 107 students with divorced parents to be able to observe the differences in relationships between the two types of families. Some of the key findings of this study are that females actually have better adult relationships with their siblings and that divorce caused the children to have better relationships with their mother, and worse relationships with their father. They noted that the age when their parents got divorced was not a variable that affected whether or not they had a good relationship with their siblings. For the relationship between their mothers, it was better unless there was a variable of pre-divorce or post-divorce conflict between them. For their fathers, it showed that daughters had worse relationships with their fathers compared to sons. Living arrangements showed effects for both of the parents depending on which parent they lived with. When it comes to remarriage, it had a positive affect on mother-child relationship when the father got remarried and no affect when the mother was remarried.

A child recreates the mother-child exclusivity and allows women to return to their primary object-love unit – however, it interrupts it for men, who find themselves sidelined in the relationship.

That is a hard question. We are really the same as every other family in the sense that our feelings change. You love your children, and you face their challenges and their succeses with them. This same principle of emotions is true for all four of our children.

Anne-Rigt Poortman and Judith A. Seltzer. "Parents' Expectations about Childrearing After Divorce: Does Anticipating Difficulty Deter Divorce?" Journal of Marriage and Family 69.1 (2007): 254-69.

In the last two decades divorce has increased substantially leaving couples single and families broken. Divorce is the reality for many families as there is an increase in divorce rates, cohabitation rates, and the number of children raised in step and single marital families. Divorce cannot be overlooked as it negatively affects and impacts youngsters for the rest of their lives. Although it is the decision between two parents’s children are hurt the most in the process. The concept of divorce is extremely difficult for children to understand as there are many unanswered questions and uncertainties. “Will my mom or dad remarry and who will I live with?” are concerns children express while going through divorce. Many

Parents need to maintain the daily schedule. This is most difficult for the parent who does not have primary custody of the child. The non custodial parent must try to accomplish a schedule of their own that must include the needs and wants of the child. Depending on the work situation of this parent, it can be a quite difficult task. “The finding that decreased income was associated with higher divorce adjustment for men but not for women was inconsistent with findings that divorced women suffer financially to a greater extent than divorced men” (527 Plummer). With this fact, it is known that single-parenting affects a woman more heavily that it would a man. If the custodial parent is constantly trying to keep up with the demands of their job, this will affect how much time the parent and child will spend together. The attachment many children develop with their father by the preschool years makes them sensitive to changes in the amount of time they spend with him and interact with him. A younger child cannot always understand who their father really is. This leaves fathers feeling desperate for time with their child. When the father spends time with his children, he is liable to stretch the time they have together by taking the children home later, which causes stress for the mother because she has such negative feelings toward the father. This becomes “fuel” for confrontations with the father.

Becoming a father is a life changing experience. Most fathers will remember that one special day for the rest of their lives, while other fathers say the day their child was born was the day their life as they knew it was over. After sitting down and interviewing three different fathers who had three very different experiences before and after child birth my eyes have been opened to the multiple views, experiences, memories, and feelings these three gentlemen have experienced or will soon experience. Mr. Snyder who is currently awaiting the birth of his first child in the spring of 2015 was the first man I interviewed. Mr. Celso is the second man I interviewed. Mr. Celso and his wife experienced a very emotional and nerve wrecking pregnancy and birth of their two 4 month old twins. Lastly, Mr. Shipley was the last man I interviewed. Mr. Shipley is a father of a one year old boy. Mr. Shipley’s experience of the birth of his child was much different then the other two gentlemen given that Mr. Shipley and the mother of his son are not in any type of relationship, nor were they during their child’s birth. Each of these men shared a lot of similarities as well as an abundance of differences regarding their children and soon to be children.

A parent-child relationship is a special relationship that has a huge effect on the way that the child will turn out. This relationship is formed through pregnancy, adoption, and step parenting. Parenting requires a great deal of adaptation. The parents want to develop a strong bond with their child but they also want to maintain a healthy marital relationship and adult friendships. Potential parents often ask themselves what they will be like when they are parents and try

Furstenberg (87) proposes that couples should only stay together if they are happy. However, there is a view that children do better in two parent stable families (Amato, 2000). The type of family a child grows up in is not as relevant in my opinion as how stable it is and how effective the parenting and relationships are. I believe that children do better in situations where they are living a fulfilled family life, whatever the definition of that family happens to be.