It 's Come A Long Way From The First Draft

1477 WordsSep 15, 20166 Pages
This is the final draft of the essay. It’s come a long way from the first draft. The details are present and the thread is more clear. At least to me, the writer, it is. I’m proud of the elements I’ve chosen and of the way I’ve chosen to connect them. The use of freedom as a thread was difficult, yet the perfect challenge I needed. I love my thread, yet I’m not super confident in my imagery within the piece. I tried to incorporate more sensual imagery, but only accomplished visual imagery, a little bit of touch and smell. I’m proud of this piece merely because I managed to connect two things I absolutely love (nature and equine) with an issue we still face in this world, acceptance of others, ourselves and racism. Racism was displayed in the freedom taking of another man. Never did I think I would be able to connect these 4 completely different ideas in such a simple, yet complex way and absolutely love it. I’ve never been more excited about of a piece of writing and allowing people to read it than I am with this piece. There are so many things I’m proud of with this writing, but there are a few things I feel I’m weak in. I’m not quite sure everyone will agree with my thread being present throughout my entire essay, although I think it is, but maybe that’s because I wrote. I’m not quite sure if the repetition of the words ‘free’ and ‘freedom’ were effective or really necessary. And the imagery as I already said. I’m lacking the sense of taste as how do I represent taste with

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