`` It 's Complicated ' : An Individual Experience Of Their Romantic, Long Term Relationship

Attachment theory has proven to be one of the most beneficial frameworks for understanding risk and protection factors within developmental psychology stated by Bowlby (1973). Bowlby (1982) suggested that children form mental representations of relationships based on their interactions with their primary care giver. Which form a cognitive structure of embodying memories based on these daily interactions with their attachment figure (Bretherton et al, 1990). This is more commonly known as the internal working model, and has been used to explain how infants used this existing representation, to

Hazan and Shaver (1987) proposed the theory that ”Romantic love is an attachment process.” (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), which the individual will experience differently depending on the attachment history that has been formed by the internal working models based on the social interaction with caretaker as an infant. According to Bowlby, these internal working models are essential for attachment patterns throughout life from childhood till adult love relationships (Fraley, 2010).

Attachment theory is accepted by most psychologists and psychiatrists as the best explanation for how we develop the capacity to form relationships with others and relate to our environment. It asserts that the methods we use to relate to others, manage our needs, express our demands, and shape our expectations for the world are rooted in our relationships with our early caregivers. Through these interactions we learn to balance our feelings and need states with others and to establish our varying degrees of independence, dependence, power, and control. Attachment also impacts self-esteem through the experience of conflict with caregivers.

Attachment theory in developmental terms is a close secure lasting bond that occurs between an infant/child and a care provider. This is a deep connection that starts to develop from the time of conception and continues on to flourish and establish itself in the early years of the child’s life. Bowlby, (1998) suggests that a child does need to develop a foundation with at least one primary care provider for their social and emotional development.

The attachment theory has helped in initiation of large number of models for social development from childhood till adulthood. Pietromonaco & Feldman Barrett (2000) elaborate on the underlying components and organization of these working models and offer new perspectives that contribute in organizing and sustaining relationship knowledge. They also focus specifically on evaluating the concept of internal working models of attachment.

Bowlby states that affectionate bonding between caregivers and infants is crucial for a health development (1973). Based on the attachment patterns they had at early childhood with primary caregivers, children develop internal working models about self and about others. These internal working models which they form help them interpret and predict experiences in adult relationships.

Attachment is an integral part of the human condition, through it bonds are created between child and caregiver and these bond help contribute to a developing person’s sense of self and the world around them. These feeling of connection carry over from parent, to child, to later life from the person to their partner and then their own children. Attachment theory grew out of the understanding that young children in their early fragile stages of development require protection and security to increase their chance of survival, protection is present in the form of the parents from whom physical and a psychological sense of security comes. The infant sees their parents as a protector and a secure base through which they can always turn to in moments of stress when experiencing the world (Browne & Shlosberg, 2006).

A Ted Talk by Esther Perel focuses on the secret to desire in a long-term relationship. Many parts in her talk relate to concepts we have discussed in class. In the talk and in class it is explained that your relationship style or attachment starts young and continues into your adult life and sex life. Focusing on desire, Esther explains that romanticism and caretaking can be similar,

Attachment theory is rooted in the biological concept that children seek proximity to their parents or caregivers as a mean to survive stressful or dangerous situation. Interaction between children and their care givers are integrated into representational or internal working models that guide children understanding of current and future relationships, including expectations regarding the trustworthiness and predictability of others. Attachment security is fostered when children trust that their care-givers are accessible and capable of responding to their needs and safety. Parental divorce is a stressful time that may initiate different changes.

The attachment theory of Bowlby (1980) helps to explain human bonding, conceptualize attachment, and proximity seeking. According to Lee and Hankin (2009) comfort received from caregiver reassure a child that at the time of distress caregiver will be with them. Furthermore, Lee and Hankin (2009) explains that the attachment within infant-caregiver is regarded as a basis for future relation dynamics of a child. Child, who is having anxious attachment are having difficulty to take caregiver as a secure person and they are characterized as anxious person (Lee & Hankin, 2009). Hamilton (2000) explained about a 12-year longitudinal study that found infant attachment style helps to predict attachment style in adolescence. In addition, a meta-analysis

John Bowlby’s attachment theory (1991) argued that infants are motivated to engage in an organized behavioral system that ensures preferred others, usually the primary caregivers, remain close, provide support and function as a “secure base”. Bowlby, along with other theorists (e.g. Ainsworth, 1969, 1985, 1989, 1991; Main et al., 1985; Sroufe and Waters, 1977), argues that the ways in which adult individuals form intimate bonds with other individuals are influenced by the patterns of relationships with primary caregivers established in childhood. In attachment theory, it is a fundamental tenet that the security or lack of it, experiences in the child-parent relationship forms a template for the patterns of interpersonal relationships the child

This present study was based off of a self-report methodology that was aimed to assess the utility of attachment style to try and predict adult relationships. The purpose of this study was to replicate the findings of Hazan and Shaver concerning the relationships among attachment style, attachment history, mental models, and to look into attachment style differences on different measures of love.

According to attachment theory, quality attachment relationships have the ability to teach infants and children to tolerate states of arousal, explore the surrounding environment, and manage emotions in developmentally appropriate ways (source). An infant’s ability to survival and development is dependent on a suitable caregiver. This theory suggests that attachment behaviors are biologically based, as the cry of an infant is a signal to the attachment figure to respond to the infant. Attachment experiences are significant for the development of a variety of skills and capacities, including social competence, problem-solving, motivation, capacity for empathy, the ability to form friendships, and the ability to rely on other adults when necessary (source). Internalized working model is a concept of attachment theory. An internalized working model refers to a child’s inner representation of attachment experience and interaction with the attachment figure. If the child had a responsive caregiver their internalized working model will provide them with a sense of self as lovable and worthy. If the child had an unresponsive caregiver then their internalized working model may provide them with a sense of self as being unlovable or unworthy (source). In addition, attachment theory also provides attachment classifications based on the attunement and responsiveness of the dyadic relationship between the caregiver and infant.

According to the traditional and overused, cliché definitions, love is only viewed in certain contexts, between certain people, and with certain characteristics (exclusive, lasting and unconditional). What this traditional fairy-tale definition of love ignores is the body’s definition of love, which plays an important role in our perception and acceptance of love. According to Fredrickson, love has biological basis and body dictates us various things about love. For example, love is not long-lasting, however, it’s renewable. When talking to a romantic, you won’t be told that love can discontinue and that it can be renewed, however our bodies indicate the true nature of love. Through chemistry and various pathways, bodies offer us alternative and possibly more true definition of love. This new definition encourages readers to rethink the way we view love and the characteristics that we ascribe to it, thus promoting healthier forms of love.

They are a continuous commitment which rely on constant maintenance, nurturing and assurances from each participant. Love relationship practices and investments are configured in experiences are shared in the past, present and in the future.