Kaleidoscope Eyes Analysis

Decent Essays
Internal Comments:
No. While the idea that we choose to see the world either optimistically and pessimistically is beautifully expressed throughout the poem, it comes across as trite in parts. The main idea of the poem is not completely developed - instead, the author spends too much time on unnecessary side characters. In addition, there are several errors in terms of grammar as well as imprecise word choice.

To the First Reader:
Dear Denee Freeman, thank you for your commentary on submission 10405 (“Kaleidoscope Eyes”). All of your comments are formatted correctly, and I particularly appreciate your depth on your specific comments. In terms of things to work on, I would recommend being more gentle in your wording. A question posed with language
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The author does this by presenting a variety of snapshots of people with this grey world view, lingering on the last snapshot of the family, to expand on the kaleidoscope view of the children. You’re obviously aware of how language impacts mood, and do a nice job choosing their words.
I wished this poem had more showing, instead of telling, such as with the failed marriage and the will to continue living. I think more specificity in your images, would eliminate both some of the moments where the poem borders on cliche as well as the moments that distance the reader from the snapshots. Personal details with make the poem stronger, and feel like the reader is in your snapshot scenes.
The second note for revision I have for this poem is to think about the form. Right now the form isn’t particularly helping you, and in some places with the uneven spacing and unnecessary stanza breaks, it actively hurts your poem. I would consider fewer stanzas personally. I wonder even about having a very regimented line, stanza, or even a syllabic pattern, except for those lines speaking about kaleidoscope eyes. Thank you so much for submitting to Polyphony H.S.; continue
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