Killing As Structural Violence

These essays show me how much I lack when it comes to descriptive writing. I often use simple vague words to get my point across quicker rather than taking the time to write about the details about the situation or the people or whatever I may be writing about.

The Little Seagull Handbook, by Richard Bullock, Michal Brody, and Francine Weinberg, is a book full of advice on the writing process. The book is divided up into sections which help’s students to easily find the topic they are searching for. Section W-4e on opening and closing paragraphs was used to improve my conclusions. I do not have a lot of trouble with conclusions, but I feel that mine do not fit as smoothly into my essays as they should. Therefore I decided that I needed to improve my conclusions. The section lists out several tactics to form a conclusion, such as, summarizing the essay, discussing implication of the essay’s argument, and giving a call to some kind of action. Reading the section has given me several ideas for how to end an essay. Now I can either plan which tactic to use ahead of time or

Overall, the essay seemed to lack flow as a result of a noticeable absence of transition words. The essay had bad syntax. Each paragraph seemed to be scenario after scenario and each sentence seemed to be idea after idea. For example, in the first paragraph, the list consisted of multiple sentences, instead of just one sentence with commas. “But they are few: Being mistaken for a wheat field by a cloud of locusts. Being buried alive”...“Interviews from film festivals.”, this seemed like an awful way to list ideas. In addition, the fourth paragraph of the essay was made up of only 2 sentences, one

Hello Rozhnaz! This writing looks better than the previous one that I revised; congrats! You also gain improvement in terms of the use of academic vocabularies in this essay. Some notes to be considered here are the minor things such as punctuation, redundant expression, and capitalization. Here are several takes on your writing:

There are several aspects of my essay that are strong. First, I believe that my topic sentences were representative of the topics I detailed in my essay. For example, I stated that, “In Florence Kelley’s speech, child labor is portrayed as a difficult, evil task.” In doing so, I was able to describe Kelley’s central argument, which I returned through during the remainder of my essay. Secondly, I successfully chose effective rhetorical strategies to support my argument.

The essay fulfills the assignment, but content is not fully developed and/or ideas are not clear. The essay fails to address all aspects of the assignment and demonstrates a superficial understanding of the concepts and facts. It contains some flaws.

I added to my introduction paragraph revealing what the essay is about and further strengthened my body paragraphs, getting rid

Although my second essay was significantly better than my first essay, similar flaws exist in each piece. Both essays lack elaboration on specific ideas and both have awkward wording or confusing sentences. In terms of content, my second essay is much more focused and logical than my first one. The latter needs a clearer thesis, more specific support, and quotes, while the former only needs minor additions to already existing ideas. Also, the first essay contains surface analysis as a result of the lack of focus. The second essay has more depth but is just as grammatically flawed as the first one. Each essay has its fair share of awkward wording, inappropriate word choice and wordiness in general. The two essays include glorious phrases such as “[opening] the gateway into the twentieth century awakening regarding the ridiculous societal standards of the day” and the unnecessary appearance of the word “driven” everywhere.

This essay was the one essay I had written all year outside of Dr.Kassem’s class. Since this was composed in a non-honors course, I was guided step by step and given an exact format to follow. Every student in this class had the same template to follow, therefore the writings were less-diverse. All the information I needed was given to me in a straightforward packet, and all I had to do was pick a side to argue. I can’t complain about an easy assignment, however, the effort I put into this was inadequate, yet I still received a perfect score. I really wished my teacher had challenged us more and, had given us less guidance

In my first quarter essay “A False Positive Or The Truth?” I had many sentences that were choppy and had no flow to them, such as, “For instance, in the case of Black Dahlia. Elizabeth Short, nicknamed Black Dahlia, was found dead on January 15th, 1947. The main suspect was the man she was having an affair with,

I had a thesis sentence. It should have been clear and concise. I do believe that the way that I presented it, however, may not have been the best way possible. It may have seemed to some as more of just another sentence in the introduction rather than a thesis statement. This could be fixed by using more

Paul Farmer's definition of structural violence and the way it coincides with history, biology, and storytelling adds to my deeper understanding of how violence is widespread and related to temporality. According to Farmer, structural violence is institutionalized aggression in a society or culture does not allow certain individuals to meet their full potential. Structural violence also puts these individuals at a disadvantage.

Violence is a concept which can be felt more aptly than defined. The word ‘violence’

After submitting my mini essay and rereading it, I realized there are a couple things I could improve on. One being eliminating passive sentences. I could work on this by finding worksheets or lessons on passive sentences and practice identifying them and changing them to active. Learning how to avoid passive voice will help make my writing more clear, helping the readers understand my points easier. Additionally, it will help make my arguments sound stronger and keeps the sentences from being too wordy and becoming confusing. Eliminating passive voice will help make my writing more direct and clear and overall help improve my writing.

The term violence brings to memory an image of physical or emotional assault on a person. In most circumstances, the person affected due to violence is aware that a violent action has been performed on that person. There is another form of violence where the affected individual, in most cases are unaware of the violence inflicted upon them. These types of violence are termed as structural violence. Structural violence is a form of invisible violence setup by a well-defined system, to limit an individual’s development to his full potential, by using legal, political, social or cultural traditions (Winter and Leighton, 1).