Losing A Father Changed My Life

A boy longs for connection at the same time he feels the need to pull away, and this opens up an emotional divide. This struggle between his need for connection and his desire for autonomy finds different expression as a boy grows. But, regardless of their age, most boys are ill-prepared for the challenges along the road to becoming an emotionally healthy adult. Whatever role biology plays (and that role is by no means clear) in the ways boys are characteristically different from girls in their emotional expression, those differences are amplified by a culture that supports emotional development of girls and discourages it for boys. Stereotypical notions of masculine toughness deny a boy his emotional resources. We call this process,

The only male figure in my life was contributing in an indirect way. Instead of having a father that I could talk to when I needed advice, I had to wait until my father called at 8:35 PM each night. As I grew older, there were times where I desperately needed the physical presence of a male figure, only to have to fend for myself. The lack of this physical presence built up an enormous amount of anger and resentment toward everyone in my life. Unknowingly, the trials I endured during my childhood created steadfastness that I would need to face what my future held.

There are many times when a person comes into your life and changes it for the better. I was happened to be blessed to be born with that person that changed my life, my dad. He has always been there and guided me in the correct way. Just like in Sedaris “Me Talk Pretty One Day”, how something negative leads to a good outcome, my negative event resulted on how dads’ actions impacted my life in such a significant way. (635). My dad became a great example for me to look up to, by showing me how dependable, adaptive, and hardworking he truly is. My dad gave me the ambition, to continue my education, and become a dependable mother for my daughters and family.

Imagine coming home from middle school to your grandmother house on your mother’s side to find it unusually quiet and everyone with tears in their eyes. Imagine being told your father had a routine surgery but nothing was routine about the results. Imagine having thanksgiving dinner with your family and the phone rings then you hear a loud scream and feet running towards you to let you know your father has died. Imagine going to school the following weeks and hearing jokes that your dad died because “the turkey was dry”, “He choked on a chicken bone”, and “He wanted to leave your mom”. I did not have to imagine because it became my reality at the age of 13.

The child who died is considered a gift to the parents and family, and they are forced to give up that gift. Yet, as parents, they also strive to let their child's life, no matter how short, be seen as a gift to others. These parents seek to find ways to continue to love, honor, and value the lives of their children and continue to make the child's presence known and felt in the lives of family and friends. Bereaved parents often try to live their lives more fully and generously because of this painful experience.

Often when boys get hurt, or fail class they will not show them out, they try to hide the emotion inside them. Over the story, it seems like boy’s are fear of what other people think of them and scare of reject, they carry on their emotion inside, they afraid people around them see their weakness. These prove why most boys don’t cry even though they are hurts. If the boy cry or act their emotional out then that boy is a sissy. Pollack states, " Men take a whole range of feelings and emotions and put those behind a mask.”(P. 73) These show that boys have to stand on their own two feet try to be tough and they are a shame to show any emotion. According to Pollack “boys are shame phobic and "some will even kill to avoid shame”. It seems like the society only allows men to express their emotion only through anger. With many strict conflicting expectations, a

When a loved one dies, children handle their grief differently than adults, but they still often grieve very deeply in their own way. Much of the grief children experience comes from the fact that children often lose friends to a sudden death such as a traffic accident. The loss of older loved ones may be more anticipated, such as

In America’s current culture death is a taboo subject that many individuals feel awkward talking about. Most individuals feel uncomfortable simply after hearing the word. After facing a death, the large majority of people decide to isolate themselves dealing with their grief alone. Bereavement is a complex feeling of emotions that many people do not know how to face on their own. Each individual goes through the bereavement process differently. Society usually focuses on adult grief, but lack to give attention towards children in these situations. Most people think that children are too young and naïve to feel and understand these emotions about grief. However, this is not the case children actually have complex emotions just like adults. Also children are very curious about death and need attention from adult to gain a full

Society teaches young boys that they must always be tough and they must hold in their “feminine” feelings, such as crying. Not being able to adequately express emotion causes a build up of unresolved feelings and unfortunately when this build up becomes too high, the most natural outlet is violence. This form of hyper-masculinity contributes to issues of depression and suicide in boys, gun violence and mass shootings, and sexual assault on women because the built up emotions within young boys feeds violence. “Real” boys suffering from depression are taught not to show that emotion. They are taught that it is okay to talk about anger but not okay to talk about sadness because sadness is a “feminine” emotion. Without an outlet to work through sadness, depression brings out aggression and can lead to suicide because boys feel so alone and unable to talk to anyone about the thoughts racing in their head. Likewise, if young men do not take their own lives as a result of built up sadness, they may act out on the public in order to feel control—perhaps with gun violence, mass shootings, or even sexual assault on

Hayslip, Pruett, and Caballero (2015) construe the grief responses of young adults who have lost parents, and suggest that young adults were burdened more so than middle-aged adults. The authors propose that many young adults lack the support system that is so fundamental in coping with loss, making their grieving process more problematic. Instinctive coping responses in young adults when grieving, specifically the loss of a parent, include anger, insomnia, losing interest in endeavours, and trouble working with others. A study within this article found young adults feel more animosity towards the deceased, and more shock.

I attended Squareville high school, along with about one hundred other kids. Squareville was small, population of about six hundred. I, being one of the six hundred, didn’t mean much to Squareville and I was well aware of it. I live with my mom, Joann, and my sister, Hannah; My dad passed away about a year ago. Our, now, three person, family isn’t nearly the same. We used to laugh and smile at breakfast, we used to tell jokes at dinner, and wish we could all be together during lunch but obligations made it infeasible. My dad refused to ever show he was in pain so the day my dad was diagnosed with cancer was shocking, then two weeks later he passed. The cancer was terminal and the doctors had caught it way too late. After he passed things

As a boy grows into a man he faces the ever-raising mountain of masculinity. In regards to the occurrence, he finally reaches maturity he has no choice but in order to fight to retain his measly sense of manhood. He is not allowed to act feminine or else he’s not man enough, he can’t show his emotions, he has to hide that he can do anything a woman can do sans give birth. Boys grow up being told they are not allowed to cry and that they are supposed to be tough, that they are not able to be like girls and in the event that they are then they are not real boys. This concept is known as toxic masculinity, some people are not aware that men are being forced to suppress their emotions or even that toxic masculinity should be a topic that is

Death and dying is a natural and unavoidable process that all living creatures will experience at some point in life, whether it is one’s own person death or the death of a close friend or family member. Along with the experience of death comes the process of grieving which is the dealing and coping with the loss of the loved one. Any living thing can grieve and relate to a loss, even children (Shortle, Young, & Williams, 1993). “Childhood grief and mourning of family and friends may have immediate and long-lasting consequences including depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, behavioral disturbances, and school underachievement” (Kaufman & Kaufman, 2006, p. 61). American children today grow up in cultures that attempt to avoid grief and

When boys are young they are told to toughen up or to stop acting like a girl when they are sad or want to cry. Michael Kimmel, author of “Bros Before Hos”: The Guy Code, discusses how there is a code guys are supposed to follow and how being taught natural behaviors, such as crying or talking about emotions, are wrong at a young age negatively impacts boys for their whole life. Emily Smith, the author of Life on the Island, talks about how a decrease in places that have a feeling of community increases the suicide rate among men. Everyone tells boys to act a certain way their father, coach, even people they don’t know, but this is not the only place they hear these negative statements. Television and magazine advertisements often depict men in an unrealistic way that feels unachievable and because of this young boys who view these ads feel negatively about themselves and because of the guy code they can’t share their feelings and emotions which can lead to depression or even suicide.

My father passed away in 1991, two weeks before Christmas. I was 25 at the time but until then I had not grown up. I was still an ignorant youth that only cared about finding the next party. My role model was now gone, forcing me to reevaluate the direction my life was heading. I needed to reexamine some of the lessons he taught me through the years.