Lost And Gained : Depression And Anxiety

1747 Words Apr 22nd, 2016 7 Pages
Lost and Gained
I was thirteen when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. The diagnosis did not come to me as a surprise; it was expected. I got my diagnosis behind my parents back. Thirteen, the legal age that I can go to the doctor’s office without a parent if I wanted. I never told them. They wouldn’t understand, they never really did. The main cause of my mental illness was not being good enough. Having an older sister who was good at everything was hard to deal with. She excelled in academics, she held leadership roles in many clubs or organizations, and she was ‘the perfect daughter.’ My parents sometimes unknowingly compared me to my older sister. I was always one step below her. I got lower grades, less medals, and struggled in the things she always excelled at. What was worse was that I grew up in a very stereotypical Asian family. Getting anything below an ‘A’ was considered failure. I was expected to be the best at everything I put my hands on. I can clearly remember in 5th grade when I handed my mom a test we had taken in class. The bright red letters on the top of the test marked ‘112%.’ It was a math pre-test we took earlier that week. I was able to get more than full points on material we had not yet learned, but I didn’t receive much of a response. I then asked why she never complimented me if I had done well. Her answer was “这是应该的,” which roughly translates to “this is expected.” As a 5th grader I just accepted this response and repeated it to…

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