Love for Marriage and Love for Convenience

In North America, people will argue that love needs to happen before marriage but, historically, this is actually a very new notion. Mr. Smolinsky was in shock when his daughters wanted to marry for love. He asked his wife if they even looked at each other before the engagement and she replied, “’Maybe if I had the sense of my daughters in America, I would have given you a good look over before the wedding’” (76). This implies that if she had the choice, she would have married for love or perhaps a different man at least.

Modern, contemporary society’s mindset on marriage has shifted considerably over the years. Some research has noted the increase in early sexual experiences, greater acceptance of cohabitation and the increase in narcissistic tendencies, are complicating and muddying the ideals of what marriage means to people today. Research done on this subject resulted in several studies that found that spouses who did not believe that marriage would last forever, were less likely to commit to the relationship financially and were more likely to have extramarital affairs.

“Marriage and Love”, a short essay by Emma Goldman, gives a wonderful argument regarding love and marriage, in fact, she nails it. Marriage does not equal love or has anything nothing to do with it. Not only that, but the marriage could also easily kill whatever relationship was there prior to the declaration. Marriage is simply a social construct, one that imposes control by religion, tradition, and social opinion (Goldman 304). However, if marriage is such the ball and chain that we all joke about, then why do people get married?

Growing up children are surrounded with a fairy tale life, the ‘happily ever after.’ As girls we are supposed to wait for our prince charming and he will love us forever; and for boys it is finding and rescuing a beautiful princess who can cook, clean, and is loved by all creatures. That is what marriage is based off of as a child, but that perspective changes once we get a small grasp of the concept of love and we really see what marriage is. Marriage is not something anyone goes into lightly and maybe our expectations of the fairy tale life are why divorce is so commonly sought.

In “For better, for worse: Marriage means something different now,” Stephanie Coontz reveals the worldwide changes in people’s attitudes and behaviors towards marriage. According to Coontz, education and the social norms are the reasons why marriage has become nonessential. Being single and going through a divorce are more acceptable now. The motivations of marriage have turned from economic dependence into personal willingness. In fact, Coontz’s words make me wonder the true meaning of marriage. Even though the meaning has changed over times, I believed that I still hope to get married.

Marriage has often been described as one of the most beautiful and powerful unions one human can form with another. It is the sacred commitment and devotion that two people share in a relationship that makes marriage so appealing since ancient times, up until today. To have and to hold, until death do us part, are the guarantees that two individuals make to one another as they pledge to become one in marriage. It is easy to assume that the guarantee of marriage directly places individuals in an everlasting state of love, affection, and support. However, over the years, marriage has lost its fairy

Marriage used to be something beautiful and true love always would win, no matter what happened couples would do what they knew felt right in their heart even if it took destroying other people’s life’s. That our society’s morals have shifted instead of a family unit. The fastest way of pleasure is the best thing, in the moment love where you can leave the world behind; and therefore, whoever could find out a honorable, magnificent and virtuous solution to this damaging, dangerous way to live would deserve to be set up like a king to be worshipped for saving the world and have him highly exalted whatever they wish.

Marriage has been a heated controversy for the past few years because people often marry for the wrong reasons. Anyone who thinks of an ideal marriage would think of two people loving each other and sharing a personal bond or goals together. Marriage is regularly defined as the legally or formally recognized union of two lovers as partners in a personal relationship. This definition remarks there is an actual connection between two people in marriage, but do people actually consider this when committing to “love” and “support” their partners forever? As research and studies have shown, people ultimately get married for many reasons, except love. This philosophy can be easily applied to the short poem, “Marriage” by Gregory Corso. In this emotional poem, the author argues marriage is more effectively understood or known for culture and convenience rather than through the abstract considerations of love. Here, we can identify people generally decide to marry for the incorrect reasons, for instance the story of the author himself. Corso finds himself confused multiple times, wondering if he should marry to not be lonely, for tradition and for his physical and mental health. He disregards love, a relationship or a connection with his future wife. General ways of convenience like loneliness, health and economic status between cultural stereotypes and religion are usually the true reasons of why people chose to have the commitment of marriage with another person.

Various authors, poets, and playwrights have portrayed different stages of marriages in their works—such as Godwin’s “A Sorrowful Woman,” Duhamel’s “How It Will End,” and Jarvik’s “Dead Right,” respectively—by discussing certain elements in each couple’s relationship. Each creative piece is centered on important components that either show a strong marriage or depict a couple who is on the verge of separation. These components—communication, honesty, respect, commitment, and intimacy—are beneficial to keep a marriage healthy by allowing couples to work out their marital problems, learn about one another, and generally show their love for each other. The short stories, poems, and play discussed here give the reader an insight into conflicts

Established with Adam and Eve, still surviving, marriage is the oldest institution known. Often the climax of most romantic movies and stories, whether it may be ‘Pride and Prejudice’ or ‘Dil Wale Dulhaniya Ley Jaein Gey’, marriage has a universal appeal. It continues to be the most intimate social network, providing the strongest and most frequent opportunity for social and emotional support. Though, over the years, marriage appears to be tarnished with high divorce rates, discontentment and infidelity, it is still a principal source of happiness in the lives of respective partners. Although marriage is perceived as a deeply flawed institution serving more the needs of the society than those of the individuals, nevertheless, marriage is

The stark divide between love and marriage shown right the way through cannot be comprehended fully by the twenty-first century reader: in today’s society marriage and love are mutually exclusive - you very rarely get one

“Marriage is the way in which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.” (Vatican) In today’s world divorce has become a rather recurring theme. Men and women marry younger and younger, and in many cases it has nothing to do with love. In these cases people marry for selfish reasons such as sexual desires, pride, or principal. These reasons have nothing to do with love and marriage should not be built upon them.

A quote from a famous American author, Mark Twain says “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” The definition of marriage varies with cultures and views. The most popular and idealistic notion is that it’s a result from the unconditional love of two people wanting to share it for the rest of their life, in a committed and long bonding way. For some, however, marriage is more of an economical arrangement, a pact for two people to help and catch each other when the other one fall. And for others, it is just a paper that one can throw away if not needed, or by simple saying, marriage is not important.

In Claudia Kolker’s book The Immigrant Advantage, she talks about the cultural tradition of arranged marriages brought by South Asian immigrants to the United States. Kolker agrues that arranged marriages are much more effective in finding a spouse than traditional marriages. Kolker believes that this tradition of assistive marriage should be adopted by Americans. Research and studies have shown that “women in arranged marriages rated the highest marital status” (Kolker, 71) compared to couples who have arranged marriages. Arranged marriage is great for individuals who are ready to settle down and start their own life without wasting any time finding a partner. Arranged marriage saves a great amount of time on dating people who are not compatible with your personality or beliefs. As Kolker states, assistive marriage does not just save time in finding a lifelong partner but, it also leads to exceptional happiness between the couple than a traditional marriage reported by couples during studies. Traditions brought by immigrants such as, assistive marriage should be considered by American traditions.

Today, the idea of marriage conjures images of bashful brides beautifully draped in all white, of grandiose flower arrangements climbing towards the ceiling, of romance personified. As an institution in this modern world, marriage represents the apex of romantic love, with an entire industry of magazines, movies, and television shows devoted to perpetuating marriage as an idealized symbol of the ultimate love between two people. Contrarily, as a sociological institution, marriage comes from much more clinical and impersonal origins, contrasting with the passion surrounding modern understandings of the institution. Notably, french anthropologist Claude Levi-Strauss theorizes that the institution of marriage emerged from a need to form alliances between groups, with women functioning as the property exchanged so that such alliances could be solidified (Levi-Strauss).