Essay on Lunch versus Dinner versus Supper

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Many times I have moved from one house to the next, one town to another, but the transition never included changing the meaning of words. At one point in my life I actually thought dinner (1) and supper (2) could be interchanged when referring to the evening meal; but oh, how tragically wrong I was. I recall the first realization of my mistake like it was yesterday. This led to my discovery of an ancient plot to starve the world and Mrs. Gump's (3) ongoing struggle against her fashionable enemies. My mother had just recently met the man who was to become my stepfather, David. He seemed like an okay guy. We got along well. He let me play with his chainsaw, and in exchange, I taught him how to flatten a tool shed with an oak tree.

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All of these were very valid questions when it came to the pleasure a meal brings to my stomach. David was very wise in the ways of gastrointestinal pleasantries, and he was able to operate effectively a weapon of deciduous destruction. Who was I to argue with his claim, for I had yet to change the oil in my car? However, I could flatten sheds with falling chunks of nature, so I thought my upcoming question deserved an answer, if there was one.

"So, if lunch is dinner, what is dinner?" I asked him, not realizing the stupidity of my inquisition. David, being sure to make his answer as stupid as my question, explained that dinner was dinner and lunch was what spaceships did after the countdown. I, feeling like the human body part compressed when sitting, was careful not to trip over my tongue with the next question.

"Let me get this straight: dinner is the afternoon meal, lunch is what spaceships do. So, what is the evening meal called?" "Supper!" he replied, looking at me like I was an abused child. "But supper is dinner," I said with a quivering lip and glassy eyes. "No, son, dinner is in the afternoon, supper is at night, and before you ask, breakfast is at sunrise," he said, confident that this was the final blow needed to convince me of my verbal inferiority.

I was overcome with sadness and embarrassment, for I had spent my entire young life unable to describe properly the daily gatherings for consumption of food. It was a tough job,

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