Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

The typical stereotypes of communication are that women talk more than men, that is not necessarily true. For example, Tannen states, “...another explanation is that men think women talk to much because they hear women talking in situations where men would not: on the telephone; or in social situations with friends, when they are not discussing topics that men find inherently interesting, or; like the couple at the women’s group, at home alone-in other words, in private speaking” (Cooper and MacDonald 11). Men and women have two different conversational styles, different ways of talking. They also have different ideas of what is important and what is not. For example, Tannen points out that the man thought it wasn’t important that his friend was getting married, but the woman had thought that it was important (Cooper and MacDonald 12).

Men and women speak the same language, but there are multiple speculations that women talk differently compared to men. Women are constantly seen as super talkative, while men try to control conversations. Deborah Cameron, a professor of language at Oxford University, wrote an essay titled, “What Language Barrier?” where she discusses the similarities and differences men and women have when they talk. Cameron begins her essay by stating women and men do not communicate differently, she claims, “The idea that men and women ‘speak different languages’ itself has become dogma” (Cameron 268). Cameron believes there are no differences in the way males and females talk and she continues to prove her claim by using examples of the female/male brain, power between sexes, and research. She essentially discusses the biological and social reasons why we talk and how gender does not matter when communicating. She concludes the folk-belief that women talk more than men is only a social prejudice; therefore, it depends on each person whether they talk more or less (Cameron 267-273). I disagree with Cameron, the dogmas that women are more talkative and men are controlling are true because there is a difference in empathy, power, and topics that allow us to become better in different areas when having conversations.

Stereotypes are all around us. They surround different racial groups, countries, people, and genders to name a few. Although many of them are false, some do have some truth to them. John Gray addressed gender stereotypes in his book, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. One particular quote states that, “A man’s sense of self is defined by his ability to achieve results...A woman’s sense of self is defined through her feelings and the quality of her relationships”. John Gray’s quote is valid in the way that men and women often get their sense of self through different stimuli due to their upbringing and the gender cues in society.

“Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” by Deborah Tannen, very clearly outlined many of the problems in communication between genders. Men and women are raised differently and understand the world in different, yet similar, ways. Reading this article gave me great pleasure in that it verified what I’ve observed in the world. Men and women do not communicate the same. Physically, men and women converse in different ways such as men appearing to be distracted vocally and attention-wise, while women stick to one topic in great detail while holding eye-contact (Tannen, 1990). This distracted appearance makes women assume men aren’t paying attention, but the “‘participatory listenership’ is often perceived by men as interruption, intrusion and lack of attention,”

Women and men find it so hard to communicate because both sexes act difficult and communicate differently from one another. Deborah Tannen made some very good points in her article “Sex, Lies and Conversation”. For example, men tend to talk more in public situations than women while women talk more at home and the men talk less. Most divorces are caused by a lack of communication. Women love communication and want that with their husbands.

Men and women communicate in very different ways. Men want to see the solution, they want to just get straight to the point and then be done with the situation. Women on the other hand tend to be more detail-oriented before they get to

How one communicates is also influenced by gender. Studies show that ones sex can place a person in a gender role expectation. Women and Men communicate differently and because sexual identity is defined through same sex parent or role model, women and men can get into gender role expectations. These expectations influence their perception attitudes and behavior that will result in a communication style. This early self-concept can effect each one's interpersonal relations. Women for instance are much-attached human beings they have very early identification with their mothers, and this can cause an on going pattern of role expectation. It can lead to interpersonal communication skills that are very nurturing and understanding. Women are not threatened by intimacy and communicating at a close range with people. Similarly, men also have an early identification process not with their mother, but their fathers. Men tend to be fairly reserved, and quite. Men are most comfortable when there is a level of separation. This male role will contribute to the communication processes and it can cause communication to

Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of

In his short article “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,” excerpted from his book by the same name, John Gray argues that women and men are psychologically wired different. He asserts that women have a nurturing disposition,value relationships, and personal expression while men are goal-oriented, efficient problem solvers, and acquire a technological viewpoint on the world. In addition to those differences, both genders have different perspectives on dating. Women idealize romance and the quality of their partner whereas the focus of men tend to be the quantity of women they gain and the physical characteristics of the women.

From reading, a lot of things came into play that I never understood before, such as the two-culture approach and miscommunication. I knew that it was always difficult for males and females to understand each other, but I never realized men have a report talk and women a rapport talk. Although misunderstood, we all learn that it takes time to understand each other, and relationships build as we communicate through conversation, or the process of two or more parties working interactively to create meanings through the exchange of verbal and nonverbal vocalization and

According to Deborah Tannen, a linguistic professor of Georgetown University, men and women talk differently and sometimes it might be very complex as she stated that many coupes 'grew in diverse cultures.' Men consider communication as a primary language of 'report.' They feel more

Communication between males and females has always been somewhat complicated. Because we are arguing that males and females have different cultures we wanted to take a look at what some of these differences might be. According to our research the inherent differences between male and female culture are the different roles that society holds for them and the ways these roles lead to different communication styles. The stereotypes that men and women grow up with affect the types of ways in which they communicate. We first wanted to take a look at how they specifically differ while men and women are arguing or having normal conversations. We also looked at the different types of networks that men and women