My Experience In High School

I never expected I’d spend the first two years of high school bedridden and suicidal. I was born and raised in Elmhurst, Queens. Attending the same school from kindergarten to 8th grade, I was used to being in the same environment. I was given assurance when my friends consistently told me that I was lucky and that I would be able to adapt to high school life fairly quickly — I was the outgoing one, the one who made everyone laugh.

I am a gamer, a powerlifter, an inventor, a designer, a student. I enjoy my life currently, everything is very mellow and chilled. My life is moving at a phenomenal pace and soon I will be out of high school and into my college career. That is four years away though, my high school graduation and college level scholastic experience that is. That all will start with a <4 GPA that I intend to keep up with and graduate with.

In the middle my 8th grade school year, I had to move and transfer schools. I was not at all pleased with this move because the new area that we lived in was completely different from what I was used to in my old neighborhood. Being at this new school, I spoke to a few people but I mostly just kept to myself. Until I met a girl named Morgan. We had to work together for a group math project. Once the project was over we still remain friends because our personalities were so similiar. She got me out of my comfort zone, showed me the ropes around the school, and even introduced me to a lot people that I eventually became friends with own my terms. Our conversations at school soon expanded to talking 24/7 at home. Later we realized that we lived about 5 minutes from each other and that made our friendship grow even more closer. By the time the school year came to an end we had become full blown bestfriends.

In my senior year of high school I took a ceramics class. One day the teacher invited a professional potter who taught us a convenient way of making pottery. This experience was significant, because it taught me something I never expected to gain from high school which was to broaden my horizons, and approach different subjects with an open mind. I ended up making many pieces at home using that technique.

Before I truly began to walk with Jesus, I was under the impression that I always had been. I was baptized as a baby, attended the same church my entire childhood, and spouted off every Sunday school answer without missing a beat. I loved the Lord, and I understood that he was my Savior and Creator, but I did not fully understand to what capacity I had been saved and created. I was missing something, and at age thirteen I developed a serious case of perfectionism. I closely monitored what I ate, religiously worked out, and devotedly studied to obtain unbeatable grades. I practiced piano every day until my wrists hurt and would except no less than flawless performances. I was captain of the cheer squad, and often referred to as “little miss perfect.” At a young age, I had constructed an image of what I thought I should be. Behind the facade, I was extremely lonely and insecure, but assumed those feelings were just middle school angst that would subside when I entered high school.

When I was young, I did not do well in school and was not very social. I was the quiet person in the room that did not learn or understand anything. School and life was only about surviving and not failing, as I put minimal effort into everything I did. Only motivated to not be a complete failure. I was as bright as a muddy shoe. However, this shoe would soon be renewed, as my 8th grade Civics teacher, Mr. Caslavka, polished this shoe.

Some summers pass by and you barely notice, while others make an impact you may never forget. It happened to me this past summer while I was away at Louisiana Technical College before my senior year of high school. I opened my apartment door on that first day and I knew this was perfect for me. The apartment, the gym across the street, the classes and the independence were all so perfect for me! Those 36 days I spent in what felt like a different world taught me priceless lessons I'll never forget.

As a little girl I knew school was going to be a problem for me because I remember I was always having a hard time doing my homework in kindergarten. I lived with my aunt and uncle and they had notice that I was not understanding any of the work. They would try to help me, but when I still didn’t understand they would end up getting frustrated and leave me to figure it out on my own. I would just sit there trying to do the work and then giving up, but they would always make me sit at my desk till I finally understood and finished all of my homework. Even at a young age I knew I was not going to be very good at academics. In elementary I was doing well in most of my classes except for reading and English. I used to go to a different class when we started on those subjects and I never knew why till I found out that those classes were for children with lower reading levels. After realizing that I was alright with it because I was actually beginning to understand some of the lessons. I was also getting the help I needed from the teachers who were helping me bettering my education.

After 3 years of crawling my way up from the bottom and finally reaching the top, I’d say that I’ve learned quite a bit about the ins and outs of high school. I remember being a freshman, looking at all the seniors and thinking, “I know way more than these people give me credit for”, but over time, I realized that I knew about as much as they thought I did, which was nothing. I wish that I could go back in time and give myself some advice.

It all started in middle school I got suspended a lot of times for arguing with my teachers. I would argue with my teacher about the smallest things such as talking while they were talking. It made me feel like they never understood why I talked all the time. I always tried to solve problems and most teachers didn’t agree. One time I disrespected my teacher and as a result I got sent to the principal’s office. Walking to the principal office I thought about how close my principal and I were. The walked seemed extra long because I would look back to see the small narrow hallway behind me. My principal understood me and always listened to what I had to say. Even though we were close I never wanted to face the consequences he gave me.

Right now I am a freshman taking both honors Biology and English. I have actually never thought about not taking honors classes before I was even in high school. I guess it has always been assumed that I would be taking honors classes and harder classes. It’s something that my parents have talked to me and my sibling about when we were little so that it could be a goal for us. The high school is different, but in a good way. We have longer passing periods, longer classes (so you can finish more work) and more opportunities such as clubs, more sports, and different classes.

I watch from the beige colored sidewalk as my Ma pulls away in the Nissan Pathfinder that we dubbed as the ‘Blue Shoe.’ I turn and look up at the newly built building. There it stands in its newly built glory, the sun is rising behind the building and it seems to cast a halo effect on it. Little did I know it would be like Hell more than Heaven. It was my first year of going to a public school, I was a 6th grader this year, as I had been doing my schooling at home. With this came the ability to be a grade ahead because Ma said that I was to busy when I was younger.

Maybe it was the thought of what people felt about me, or the way I felt their glare on my back as I walked past a group of people. It could also have been the way that people stopped talking as I got closer to them and all that gave them away was the accusatory look in their eyes. The tables had turned suddenly letting me with no choice but to experience the way that other half lived. Living as a socially awkward student was difficult, but living amidst all the flying rumors was close to impossible. That fall was a life lesson that made me appreciate the friends I had and humbling me to see past the materialism that existed in the school to the vanity of it all.

When I was fourteen years old, I realized that I was very different from my twin sister Annsley. When Annsley and I were in the eighth grade there was a form that we received to encourage students to join the band. I had no desire to join the band, I wanted to play soccer while Annsley on the contrary, could not wait to sign up. She even had a countdown for the first football game because she could not wait to march with her now, new band friends.

If I think about who I was at the beginning of junior year, I can’t count the number of times that I spaced out when answering questions about myself. I had never really thought about what really motivated me, and I wasn’t interested in pursuing anything in my life. The “getting to know you” questionnaires that teachers make their students fill out were my nightmare. The people I had ended up surrounding myself with were not the kind of teenagers that I could relate to, and I was wearing, saying, and doing all the wrong things all the time. I came to school wearing uncomfortable clothes because I didn’t feel like I fit in my own skin. Sweatshirts and large t-shirts were a norm for me, because I was worried about my body image. I let my friends take advantage of me. I allowed myself to get hurt, but I ended up forgiving them anyways. It wasn’t just my friends though, as I blamed everyone else for my own problems. I never owned up to my mistakes. I turned on good friends, and created even worse relationships with others around me. Don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t a bad kid. I rarely got into trouble with my parents, and my grades were pretty good. I thought I was doing everything right, even though I found myself upset at the end of the day. Outside influencers were making me passive and afraid to stand up for myself. I couldn’t speak or act for myself. To be quite frank, I didn’t know who I was or that I needed to change in order to be happy. My routine of going to school and