My Hostile and Aggessive Relationship

He was concerned that I was going to be unfaithful to him and ruin everything that we had. It was a slow and gradual with the subtle comments, but he was starting to separate me from all of my friends. I had plans with one of my friends he would always be communicating with me during the time that we weren’t together. My ex-boyfriend would always be asking me who I am with, where we are, and just being very anxious about who I was with without him. I agree with Dr. Joseph Carver because I think this is one of the first steps that “the loser” may use to get his victim alone and try and receive full control over the victim.

Early on in a relationship, when the controlling behaviors are typically less intense. less severe, and are imposed under the disguise of good intentions, it may be very difficult to clearly identify them as part of a pattern. Often the victim views the first violent incident as an isolated incident. This coupled with the batterer’s likely remorse and promises to never repeat the behavior can cause a victim to be easily persuaded to stay and “work it out”.

Relationships are about respect and love towards one another but when the disrespect falls into the picture everything falls apart. Disrespect can be either verbally or physically and many of those who have fallen into this type of abusive relationship tend to have barriers on leaving that significant other. In most cases, fear has been the main key factor on why these victims tend to stay within the abusive relationship. Even though fear has been the main factor but there are other factors that run through a victims mind constantly. Victims are afraid they, themselves or their loved ones will get extremely hurt or be killed by these batters. Besides getting hurt, the victim fears that the batter will take away his or her child leaving them

These flashbacks remind him he is still a child, just caught in an impossible situation. Beah described “Things changed rapidly in a matter of seconds and no one had any control over anything. We had yet to learn these things and implement survival tactics, which was what it came down to” (35). He was eventually taken away from the war environment and escorted out of the village he was stationed at to the Benin home. This home was meant to brain washed child soldiers get the education nack that they missed out on and give them the right nourishment needed. For English they read passages from books, learned to spell words, and sometimes wrote stories in their notebooks. The teachers said it was just a way of refreshing their memories. Upon arrival, he and his friends are already craving the drugs their lieutenant had constantly filled them up with. It had been more than a month and most of the children had completely gotten past the withdrawal stage. Although some kids still had instances of vomiting and randomly collapsing, they were finally able to feel better. This is when their memories of war begins to soak in. From the withdrawal of these drugs, he begins to have reoccurring phantasmic nightmares and stressful visuals being followed by serious migraines. He would busy himself with work all day going back and forth to the nearby river and continuously washing dishes. It was the only way he could distract himself from the thoughts that would give him severe headaches. He tells a example of a visual dream as “In my mind’s eye I would see sparks of flame, flashes of scenes I had witnessed, and the agonizing voices of children and woman would come alive in my head”(103). Often times his nightmares would act as a barrier to remembrances of his family. It took him several months before he began to relearn how to sleep without the aid of medication. Sometimes

In Eric Bartels “My Problem with Her Anger” (57-63), the author describes the problem he has with how his wife treats him and how woman are different than men. In his memoir type of article, Bartels talks about his personal experiences with his wife’s anger driven outrages that he had to deal with. He explains that even when he was helping out, he always wasn’t doing something right. Also, Bartels talks about how his wife needs to change how she reacts to not only him but to the children. However, the author does not always connect to the reader effectively. Through his use of emotionally driven language, Bartels hurts his argument with some readers, especially female, through the disconnect he creates.

In 1979, psychologist Lenore Walker discovered that the majority of abusive relationships follow a similar pattern that cycles itself. This cycle could happen over any period of time but will almost always repeat itself a multitude of times. Lenore Walker’s cycle is not the exact same for all abusive relationships, some are much worse, but many share the same three stages which are tension building, incident, and honeymoon/calm. All three stages are fueled by constant denial from the victim. The cycle of domestic violence is a traumatic psychological sequence that millions of people of many different cultures and nationalities are tragically stuck in.

Intimate partner violence or intimate violence aggression refers to any type of physical, sexual or psychological harm that is committed by a current of former spouse. Research has shown that many of the symptoms of PTSD have the possibility to have a negative impact on the relationships an individuals has with others. Compared to male Vietnam veterans without PTSD, veterans with PTSD reported less emotions, less disclosure, and higher measures of aggression and physical aggression

Aggressing: Aggressive forms of abuse include name-calling, belittling, accusing, blaming, threatening, ordering, and stalking. These behaviors are usually direct and very obvious. Through this behavior, the abuser undermines the equality and autonomy needed to have a healthy relationship. The relationship takes on a more parent-to-child pattern of communication. A more indirect form of emotional abuse can be disguised as “helping.” Abusers may use criticism, advice, probing, and questioning as a sincere attempt to offer their partner help. In some instances, however, these behaviors can be used by an abuser as an attempt to belittle, control, or demean their partner or spouse rather than to help them.

This is difficult to identify abusers at the beginning of a relationship. The abusive nature of the

Question 2: Jessica, a 24 year old, who grew up experiencing child sexual abuse now finds herself involved in an abusive relationship with her live-in boyfriend. She has been living with her current abusive situation for four years. She has tried to leave the situation before, but has returned to her boyfriend each time. She demonstrates a wide range of symptomology from hyper-vigilance to dissociation. She is at times tearful and agitated and at other times she is distant as if “in a dream.”

Some signs of an abusive relationship are being physically hurt or restrained by a partner, a partner

Lavinia et. al. (2010) describes a study that calculated physiology factors on a person’s predisposition to aggression in intimate relationships. The study looked at physiological reactivity, which is defined as changes to a person’s body brought about by a stimulus. The study found that individuals that are antisocial and violent are

Welcome to my blog, Perfect Love. Throughout my blog posts, I will discuss my personal experience with an abusive relationship, how to realize that you are in an abusive relationship, and how to leave. Aside from using my own personal experiences, I will also add credible sources to my posts.

For months everything was perfect just like most relationships, we weren’t fully comfortable, we didn’t argue, we didn’t have a lack of trust. It was absolutely perfect. Once we came to about 6 months he left for the first time, and it broke my heart. We had our space, worked things out and eventually got back together. After a couple more months of being okay, he left again. Once again we gave each other space, worked through it and got back together. After finally working everything out i had a concern of a girl he was around and had been talking to. He had promised that it was nothing and that they were just childhood friends, i believed him at first until it started to become more frequent. After fighting about that many times, he ended up leaving, and that third time had me absolutely shattered from the inside, out. I had a very low self esteem, and couldn’t find it in myself to stay healthy and happy. I let myself fall through very deep cracks, and wasn’t sure how I would back out.

Relational aggression (RA) is defined as nonphysical behaviors that aim to deliberately cause harm to another individual by destroying relationships, harming social status or self-esteem, or public embarrassment (Crick, Werner, Casas, O’Brien, Nelson, Grotpeter, & Markon, 1999). Examples include behaviors such as purposely ignoring a peer, spreading rumors, creating undesirable gossip, and excluding a peer from group activities, (Crick, 1996; Crick & Grotpeter, 1995; Crick, Ostrov, & Werner, 2006). RA can occur as early as preschool years, and plays a huge role in the interactions among this population with behaviors such as covering one’s ears as a sign of ignoring another peer (Bonica, Arnold, Fisher, Zeljo, & Yershova, 2003; Crick et al.,