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My Life-Suffering Thoughts In My Daily Life

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I'm sitting on my couch trying to keep my head up as I stare at the string notebook on my lap that I call a "journal". I have been writing my never ending thoughts for four months now. Thoughts that I cannot discuss with anyone else, ever. Thoughts that I fear if it escaped my lips would change my life forever. Yet, I'm unsure if it hasn't already. In this journal, I intended to write about the events that have occurred in my daily life. At least, that's what I twelve to do. however, that isn't the case at all. This journal became the outlet for my overflowing thoughts and emotions about a boy I met this summer who has changed my life into a complete three hundred sixty. Honestly, what was I thinking- writing about a boy I barely knew- writing about a boy who's a hundred miles away from me. I don't think any sane person would write pages and pages of their thoughts about a boy. At least, I didn't think that person would be me. Definitely not at twelve in the morning when I would usually spend this time binge-watching Blacklist on Netflix. Sometimes, I think I'm a fool for investing so much time, effort and emotion on someone who probably doesn't even care about me. But poor me, I don't even have the guts to send a text message. Why do things have to be this complicated? I'm currently listening to Symphony by the clean bandit at 12 am, thinking over and over about what I should write in my personal essay. Honestly, there are so many things that I could write about, but

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