My Mind Controlled Me : The Pondering Stress At Home

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My mind controlled me. The pondering stress at home plus the stuck up bullies at school twisted my mind. Before I was thirteen, I had never thought of myself as not good enough, or not worthy of something. These external forces turned all of that around. Following the Catholic faith, there is no such thing as external forces. The only force that has influence upon us is God. God ultimately controls everything, our lives are predetermined the day we are conceived. My mind began playing tricks on me. Before breakfast, I would look in the mirror and see a slim, healthy body. Afterwards, as I put my leotard and tights on for ballet class and walked into the studio, the mirrors reflected an overweight, ugly body. My physical appearance had altered completely from this morning. Ultimately, I am to believe God brought upon these mind games. I could not understand why God would plan for me to endure such pain. I did not question Him for long. My faith taught we must trust in God’s plans for us in order to remain sane, as we are said to have no control on our situations. I soon began to realize that this was only one of many mind tricks. As the weeks passed on, they seemed to grow longer and longer. My mind began developing personalities, voices of its own. No task or activity I did was ever good enough for my mind. Whether it was only an A- on my test, or only a double pirouette in ballet, my mind always said “You are not good enough, and never will be”. Without doubt, I believed

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