My Thoughts On My Life

In today’s society we live in a constant thought of the future. Every day we are bombarded with many old and new ideas of how to have live a fulfilled life. As a young teenager myself, I tend to not worry about my purpose or meaning in this world. But, as I’m getting older there are constant thoughts that go to my head about my purpose in life. Living without a purpose or meaning creates a sense of incompleteness with the quality of life we live with. Concepts that we are taught while we are young produces a plan to be guide to live life a certain way. These ideas motivate people to live life a certain way to achieve a final goal at the end. Concepts like religion, passions, the environment we live in and the way we are parented helps us to understand our purpose in life.

What do you think about in your daily life? Do you think about how lucky you are to have a family who loves and cares for you? Maybe you think about how you are well off and have everything under control with no uncertainty. Or you could be blind sided form those thoughts and could have other reflections like how nothing is ever working out for you or how you always have bad fortune. And you never really think about how life could be worse because you are so focused on wanting just one positive thing to happen to you. People who think like this will soon hopefully realize what they actually have that makes them happy.

I'm sitting on my couch trying to keep my head up as I stare at the string notebook on my lap that I call a "journal". I have been writing my never ending thoughts for four months now. Thoughts that I cannot discuss with anyone else, ever. Thoughts that I fear if it escaped my lips would change my life forever. Yet, I'm unsure if it hasn't already. In this journal, I intended to write about the events that have occurred in my daily life. At least, that's what I twelve to do. however, that isn't the case at all. This journal became the outlet for my overflowing thoughts and emotions about a boy I met this summer who has changed my life into a complete three hundred sixty.

This class has affected me, and changed the way I think, in a very positive way. Many things that we have discussed in class I thought I was aware of, but now I know better. I was very open to anything that I would learn, and this class was the perfect one to come to with that mindset. Questioning my intentions and the effect they would have on someone as thoughts pop into my head is a wonderful new habit I have adapted. These questions that pop up ask if what I am thinking is oppressing anyone. I think that the awareness of my faults, I now have, is wonderful.

I am a female, I am upper middle class, these two aspects have shaped my experiences in school and the way I view my life. These two aspects come with enormous expectations that contributed to the way I view and act upon daily situations. My economic social class I have have grown up in has opened many doors, some that are positive and some that are negative. Next, being a female in today’s society is like being on a roller-coaster, some situations are fantastic, other situations I wish that I was a male. My identity in society and my gender have had a great affect on my viewpoint of the world and how I chose to live my life.

Everyone has their own unique beliefs and motives that push them through their lives. I have many different beliefs instilled in me that mold my day to day life. These beliefs have been formed either by learning from my parents, or by personal experiences. One major conviction of mine is the pursuit of happiness. There are many ways to strive for happiness, and all people are unique in the fact that no one shares the same goals. My happiness comes from a core of beliefs. Religion is an extremely important part of my life, and I can thank my mother and father for that. Another belief of mine is that hard work pays off; in many situations I have been shown that a good work ethic goes a long way in being successful. I also believe in being an optimist throughout life’s trials and tribulations. Many things can upset me in day to day experiences; however, I believe it to be crucial to obtain a joyous attitude. These beliefs have become priorities to me and carry me through my life, and help me to succeed.

September 14th, 2011, the last day I have in Manado, Indonesia. My family and friends were in the airport, waiting for me, while I was checking in my luggage. When I went back, all of my friends were standing and smiling at me. I know they were sad, but they tried to cover it with their smile.

Complete anguish filled my husband 's face as he stuck his shovel into the orange brown clay scooping the freshly dug dirt and flinging it over the plain wooden box that held his brother 's ashes. I wiped my eyes, my heart breaking for not only my husband, but his dad and older brother

Ok so I needed a little help to focus my thoughts so I used google and found a blog that was very helpful. The writer Kat Lee said, "one of my greatest fears in life is that I will be the same person at 76 that I am at 36; that I will have the same hangups as an older woman that I had as a younger woman." I think that is my same fear. When I moved to Oklahoma I wanted to reinvent myself, I didn 't want to be the same girl with the same hangups both in life and spiritually. I thought new place fresh start.

When I was five years old, I remember that my grandmother would always tell me to pick up after myself. I was not heavily involved in any chores at this age, but I was required to clean up the play area when I was done playing with my toys. My room had three clear plastic containers, where I would store all of my toys. Since, the storage containers were big, cleaning up and putting all my toys away was a breeze. At the age of nine, I remember that my responsibilities were much greater. At this age, I was responsible for having all my homework done before my father came home from work. I was also responsible for cleaning my entire room. This meant that I would have to fix my bed, sweep the floors, take my dirty clothes back to the laundry room, and keep my dresser looking clean. At the age of thirteen, my responsibilities only grew greater. At this age, I was responsible for mowing the lawn and keeping my front year looking clean. I also remember that my father would give me six to seven dollars for washing and vacuuming his car. Although my responsibilities grew greater, I enjoyed it.

I have not only learned things throughout the course of, “Christ, Culture, and the University,” but I have truly soaked up the lectures so that I can apply everything to my daily life. This course has been such an eye opener in my life, I remember coming into this course not knowing exactly what it was and being confused as to why I was even put into it. Over the weeks spent coming to class, I finally figured out what the course meant to me. This was a course that was devoted to me, to figure out who I am and what my beliefs are. I believe that this course was set in place to not only figure out what I truly believe, but it was to help me grow and learn more about my religion and others. Throughout this course, I was able to figure out my

I came back to find that my whole city was destroyed in a blink of an eye, after running for days to keep this from happening.

My Mom-Mom used to tell us that if you want to make God laugh, you should tell Him your plans. I did not fully understand that when she said it but I absolutely do now.

When I first start to think about my life, who I am, and who I will be, I begin to reflect on everything that has ever happened to me in the seventeen years I have spent on this Earth. I think about the things that make me who I am today; the cracks and openings of my heart which have shaped my soul to be the way it is. Growing up is never easy; however it is something we all have to go through. I once believed I was being raised by two loving parents, in a comfortable home, filled with laughter, tears, and stability. All seemed right growing up, but for reasons I’m not quite sure of, I always felt alone. My perception of this seemingly normal household with my two loving parents was in fact a façade. The reality of my upbringing was so vastly different in ways I truly cannot comprehend. My parents divorced when I was eight years old, however they continued to reside together. My life as I perceived it became clear to me only after my mother and I left our “Home” though it was never truly a home, but a house filled with secrets, pain, and shame. I began to understand my loneliness was fact and not just a feeling. My life was clearly defined by my perception of my family’s dysfunctionality. This experience has enabled me to take a path in my life different from my upbringing. I will turn this nightmarish life into a new passion for helping others.

I would like to think that through all trails and heartache I will always point my focus toward God, but I do not know what my future holds. No matter what is happening I want to understand that I have a friend, someone on my side, who wishes that I succeed and already has planned my life. Still, I always worry that when my life is no longer in a state of ease and only academic stress plagues my mind, I won’t find the same sunlit joy and steadfast love in God that I do when my life has minimal disturbance. While I have toyed with both physical and mental struggle in my past, and brushed the clutches of this world’s grasp, I look back at those days and think of them as blessings, as they brought me to a better understanding of, and more