[PUTIN, LIBERAL, AND PLURALIST HAVE RETURNED TO THE FRONT PORCH SWINGS AFTER A BRISK MORNING SWIM ON THEIR ANNUAL BIRD-WATCHING TREK TO ROSTOV-ON-DON. ONLY PUTIN REMAINS SHIRTLESS]
Liberal [GIVING PUTIN A NOOGIE]: Putin, you warmonger, you! Stop violating the post-1945 norm against territorial conquest. There are peaceful means to assure your state’s security. Your country can guarantee power through participation in international cooperation and collective security (Russett, 2010).
Putin [DEMONSTRATING HIS RAGING MASCULINITY BY DROPPING THE LIBERAL TO THE GROUND WITH ONE SWIFT JUDO MOVE]: Trust me, you would know if Russia waged war on Ukraine. To the contrary, Russia, like any capable state, is a power-monger. Influence is power. NATO…show more content… ES/Pluralist: …both animals bareback, I presume.
Putin: Oh! Western leaders are full of hypocrisy. Do you not stand for self-determination? The poll numbers do not lie.
Liberal: Well the legitimacy of the referendum is certainly debatable. Besides, “when Austria was annexed by [Hitler’s] Germany, [too] held a referendum”
Putin: I have taken down tigers, my friend, but because you are such an easy target, I will abstain from fighting you for alluding to fascism in that way.
The ethnic Russians in Ukraine live in fear due to extremists and fascists. Even you know this is true. I am listening to my people’s desire for a return of the Russian empire—a mark of a successful and legitimate leader (Lebow, 2010). My popularity has spiked domestically in recent months. These move are natural because they are in the interest of my empire—ahem—great nation.
ES/Pluralist: His annexation is certainly not in accordance with the social conventions of the international community.
Putin: You mean it is not in accordance with the social conventions of the US and its allies. The international community can fecklessly bleat about Russia’s actions being outside of international norms and agreements as much as they want—but the reality is that I perceived access to its Crimean naval bases as a genuine interest of our national security. It is foolish to expect a powerful country to