New York City Monologue

I fought for you even when shit was so hard bc I wanted to prove my love and loyalty to you . And nothing was enough for you but yet you still stayed and let me believe that it was enough .

I’d be eating dinner or watching TV or reading her a book and all I wanted was for you to walk in the door. But you never did and I lived the life of a single dad for two years. It wasn’t a life I had hoped for, but it was the life I had. It’s a life that I could continue living, but I don’t want to do that anymore. So, when I saw the papers, I knew it was time to come find you.”

I stumbled through the door and immediately fell to my knees crying. I curled up on the floor begging someone to take away my pain. I screamed, literally and metaphorically, for help. I needed someone to understand the feeling of doom and drowning and emptiness and lifelessness that tormented me.

I can’t do it. She’s gone, and I need to accept it. She’s gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. She was pieces of sand that I held on to too tightly. Her little particles longed to get out of my firm grasp. And now she’s gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone, and never coming back to me, to hold my hand or kiss my lips.

Nothing stared back but rain. I guess I'm just completely stupid to believe in second chances, or that they could ever work out for me and you. Then came the biting finale because I know that there is no going back; even if I want to, I just can't, and you know the reasons. What I have known is no more and quite possibly never even was, and there is no sense denying it further. It's been almost four years, and it hurts more than you could ever

Everything I saw, everything I heard, everything I felt... She cracked open my wall which all the scenery around me started to take on colour. The emptiness became full, nothing became something and the roots inside my heart started to blossom. I thought I was satisfied because my dream had come true and I’d told myself it was enough. Yet here you are, watering this withered heart again. That cloud of darkness inside me that you once saw... you saw it as the night sky. The darkest places of all. It’s something so dark that I nearly forgot that the stars also shines too. You made me understand my pain and I’ve translated this pain into something beautiful. Because that darkness, turned out to be so bright just like the starry

“She’s fallin’ but she doesn’t think you’ll catch her, cause her last relationship was a disaster.” She’s had her heart broken more than once, and she knows that if she falls again she just might get hurt. But she can’t help it, she can’t help that “ He redefines in every way what love is”. He tells me that he’s nothing like the last one”. I looked at him in the eyes on last time, I know he saw the tears in my eye, but he just stared into my eyes and I stared into his, at this moment, when the world seem to stop moving, everything seemed perfect it didn’t matter what happened in the past, only this moment, this moment was perfect, anything you could possibly think of. I tried to crack a smile, but the thought of losing someone like him was

I couldn't see to get back to the bed and I was still burning up, so I undid the chain lock, careful and quiet despite knowing it wouldn't be loud enough to wake you. I opened the door and was bombarded with the cool air of a Vermont night. I could feel the red of my face subsiding to it's natural pink and my jaw dropped. The sky was normally beautiful on it's own, but tonight, there were no stars. There were a million cresent moons surrounding one full moon in the center of the picturesque sky, the reds merging with yellow and making pink and orange and the very top of the dome of vision the most rich, dark, blue night sky. My skin prickled and I felt my heart beat a little faster as a smile came over my

I walked through the door with you, the air felt cold but something about it felt like home. Surrounded by warm smiles and friendly greetings, I let the magical laughter twirl around me, so caught up in it that I managed to leave my scarf there, at your sister's house. Even now, you still have it in your drawer. 'Sweet Disposition' was blasting from the radio; your favourite song. You looked right at me and smiled, my wide-eyed gaze taking in each freckle on your face and each curve of your lips. Revving up the engine, we started to drive along the old country roads, singing loudly as we got lost on the steep mountains of Dublin. The autumn leaves were falling from the trees like pieces into place, alive with screaming colours of red, gold, orange as they crunched beneath the wheel of the car. I still thought you were the most vibrant one there. Now, I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here anymore, and I might be okay but I'm not fine at all. After all these days, I can still picture us there, on that quaint, little town's street. Your eyes were so fixated on me that you nearly

When i first met you you screamed and looked at me and you stopped you knew my voice and smiled at me...as you got older i knew you were different you were always so serious for someone so young you wanted me around asking for no one but me as you got older you started to grow to hate me trying to run me over with various different wheeled objects screaming away why you wanted to run me over i screamed back but i knew i didn’t mean anything by it but you didn’t you’d stop and look hurt and i'd go back to my room and lock the door so i could be left in peace and to let you play alone away from the one you hate at night when you would sleep you would kick your little blankets of in your sleep and whimper in your sleep from the cool night air

We sat in the back of a broken down Lincoln, his friend in the driver 's seat, inhaling cigarettes like oxygen. His newfound friends influenced him, changed him--in the worst way. "You become the company you keep," I always used to tell him. They took all I knew of him away from me, all of what I yearned for, all of what he was. Yeah, he was there physically, but what he was went up with the smoke his friend exhaled. I was still attracted to him. I wanted to feel every inch of his caramel skin, run my fingers through the zig-zag braids1 in his hair, lusting for the touch of him, for the words "I love you" to roll off his tongue, for his lips to softly caress mine . . .

Months upon months have passed since I’ve seen you, but you never really left. Your shadow has stayed with me. Your absence burned a hole in me—one that hasn’t fully closed, even after all this time. I see you sometimes; when my brother Isaiah smiles, I see your dimples. When i cry, I see your

When you kiss me, it takes me when back to when I stared at you from across the lunch yard. I wanted you to look at me. I wanted your attention to fill me up and fizz me over. But your far away gaze hollowed me out and left my lungs tripping over one another. I was afraid. Afraid of you. I wanted you, and I wanted you to want me, but I was afraid of wanting someone. Or not being wanted at all…

Come let’s get back to our hotel as I need you more than anything else. I could see she knew something was not right, but for the moment she saw I needed her. That night I held her so much she was worrying, and I had to force myself to let her go.

I looked up at all of you on the porch, talking and chatting amongst each other. No one looked sad, no one but me—so I smiled once I saw eyes on me. I pretended as if I had never knew we were leaving the place I call my home, and the people I call my blood. I ran up the porch stairs, weaving and dodging everyone in my path, swung the door open and ran as if I were being chased by police. I jumped on my bed and let out a big scream.