Non-Judgmental, Open Questions In Memory-Based Work

Yet, these parents have to accept that they will never be able to live their lives with or share their love openly with the child. So they must find ways to hold on to the memories. Many bereaved parents come to learn that "memories are the precious gifts of the heart...[that they need] these memories and whispers, to help create a sense of inner peace, a closeness" (Wisconsin Perspectives Newsletter, Spring 1989, 1).

In the article, “I Know You Love Me - Now Let Me Die,” the author, Louis M. Profeta, argues that the American society today treats the dying as if their life is meaningless. He furthers his argument by using reminiscence to remind everyone how the elderly used to be treated. There was a woman who only had a few more days until her time was up, “[s]pent with familiar sounds, in a familiar room, with familiar smells that gave her a final chance to summon memories that will help carry her away… that’s how she used to die. We saw our elderly different then” (Profeta). When the elderly are dying, most of them want to be in a place where they are comfortable, so that they can die in peace. They want to remember all the times that made them happy

An image of a young woman lying prone and sobbing inconsolably before the grave marker of her beloved at a veteran’s cemetery set me off big time. And, we’d better understand that this is only the tip of an emotional iceberg of deeply rooted grief that loved ones of fallen troops must somehow get through. It doesn’t go away. I still feel it after several decades. As I finish typing this, my eyes are trying to see through a wall of flowing water, a stark reminder that learning to live without our loved ones is not the same as forgetting them. As long as we live, we don’t forget… EVER!

Losing loved ones as an adolescent must be tough. Memories being the only shed of hope in a young boy’s life can

Varley book targets young ages from 4 to 10-year old’s as the topic of death is discussed as moving through a tunnel and gradually gaining back the abilities that were lost with aging and coming to rest as a complete being. The lesson within this story is how cope with the loss of a grandparent or an elderly relative as they age and come to die, and to relive the memories they have left behind to pass on to another. Susan Varley approach to death is very childlike, it allows anyone who reads her book to ask questions about the passing of an individual, such as, i.e., why did they die? Is it okay to feel sad? Is it okay to talk about the person? Is it okay to share memories?

I enjoyed reading your post, you brought forth a great idea that your hospital uses. The “getting to know you board” that is in each patient’s room is a wonderful tool to use to open up the doors of communication with patients. This will assist them to share their memories with us, their nurse. The older adult feels it is helpful to involve reminiscence of the present, past, and the future (Tabloski, 2010). I too, believe that reminiscing takes the patient back to happier times and can be a useful therapy tool. Life review therapy is beneficial in reducing anxiety symptoms, as well as improving mental health (Korte, Bohlmeijer, Cappeliez, Smit, & Westerhof, 2012).

On January 5, 2009 my father pasted away. He and I did not have the typical father-son relationship; we did not have a relationship at all. I presumed that it would have a little if any affect on me. However, as the semester continued, it seemed to get worse. Besides my father’s passing, several weeks later my grandmother was diagnosed with dementia. It was difficult for me to deal with, but it was more difficult for my mother to handle.

In contrast with repression theory, which asserts a special nature to traumatic memories, false-memory theory argues that trauma encoding and recall is no different from other emotional memories. Given that traumatic events such as CSA are highly memorable, people who claim to be unaware of it for so long must be mistaken. In particular, false-memory theorists are skeptical of memories that emerged through hypnosis, guided imagery, or suggestive interview questioning – all of which are methods used by repression theorists in order to recover the “repressed memories.” Instead of attributing the lack of recall to repression due to trauma, it is possible that these memory problems are due to typical forgetfulness, failure to encode an experience, or deliberate avoidance and reluctance to recall the event, all of which could be easily confused with an inability to remember the trauma. (McNally et al)

Childhood traumas have been associated with many psychological problems later in life. Specifically, sexual abuse during childhood, shows correlations with many different types of anxiety disorder. There is many theories as to why this is, but some of the prominent ones deal with memory repression. Memory repression was first introduced by Freud when he described it as consciously taking an event out of their memory. Since the population of child sexual abuse survivors has been found to be 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 20 men, it is important to undertint the possible implications of their trauma, to prevent the chance of negative consequences as they grow older. Especially

One night, I worked on the Cardiac unit as a sitter. Besides crawling out of bed, the patient pulled monitor leads off. So, I decided to try reminiscence therapy, which allows for the expression of one’s past experiences. Benefits from this therapy encompass

“Honor,” he said firmly. “I have great honor. So will you. But you will find that that is not the same as power.”’ What is obvious in the book is that the community has considerable amounts of respect for the Receiver of Memory but he is not in charge of making any decisions.

As I watched my house crumbled into a million pieces, my legs started to quiver to the point where I could no longer stand on my own two feet. Everything… everything I’d ever loved was inside: my diary, my family photos, my childhood memories. I couldn’t take the pain any more so I began to thrash around the frozen, forlorn floor like a fish on a hook. As my pupils rolled back, flashbacks rolled in. The picture of a child lying in bed while her parents read her a bedtime story replayed in my mind. Images of a primary school girl showing her parents the pictures she drew of them, as a family, wouldn’t fade away. All those memories…now gone. Forever.

Thinking about what someone would say about you on your obituary at the age of 15 was unusual. But after diving off the road and rolling around like a tumbleweed in a metal monster only to defy death, I laid on my hospital bed pondering the “what ifs”. What if I did die? Would they describe me with the typical characteristics of the young and departed: sweet, loving, caring, with a bright future? Of course turning a blind eye to my quick temper and sharp tongue; it’s rude to speak negatively of the dead. I came to the conclusion that I would be publicly mourned for a time period of about two weeks. My funeral would come and then I would be forgotten slowly as my classmates and extended family readjusted to their lives without me. My memory

The article Death of a parent and the children’s experience, is a very interesting and informative piece. The author Rachel Fearnley, gives a powerful presentation on a child’s bereavement process. Many believe that children are unable to comprehend till the later adolescences but that death of a parent causes many developmental issues if gone unresolved. All children handle death or loss in different ways but according her extensive studies, all age groups displayed the same developmental issues. The studies conducted were not only with children but in how caregivers also approached the bereavement children. The evidence from the current research would suggest that there is a stigma attached to talking about death and dying and that practitioners find it difficult and embarrassing to discuss such topics. This sequestration leads to a pattern of communicating that avoids any involvement of such unmentionable vocabulary. Additionally, within social work practice, it has been highlighted that ‘‘practitioners are frequently required to talk with children about complicated and painful issues and during uncertain times in their lives’’ (Lefevre et al., 2008, p. 171). The need for

The car ride up to the local cemetery in a small town in New Jersey was as silent as the ghost of my great-aunt herself- empty and bleak. I only assumed that everyone around me was clinging onto the past memories we shared with her, feeling the shock of what we could no longer turn the pages of time back to. I could not fully imagine how my dad must have felt that somber day. He would often reminisce about the tender moments he shared with her as a spirited youth with the rest of the family, his voice always springing to life when he spoke of the past. Sitting in the back of the car, I glanced at him in the driver’s seat, peering at his eyes to notice how he seemed to be staring into another place of existence that was left untouchable to the rest of my family.