Essay on Parental Detachment in I Stand Here Ironing

The day after her father's death, the women of the town went to give their condolences to Miss. Emily. To their surprise, Miss. Emily was "dressed as usual" and had "no trace of grief on her face (Perrine's 285)." Emily told the women that her father was not dead. Finally after three days of trying to hold on to her father, "she broke down, and they buried her father quickly (Perrine's 285)." The town's people tired to justify Miss. Emily's actions, by saying that she had nothing left, and was clinging to the one thing that had robbed her for so long they convinced themselves that she was not crazy.

Suffering from tuberculosis, Emily was sent away from her mother again to a convalescent home, where she could be better cared for. While Emily is at the recovery center, she is cut off from almost all communication especially relationship with her own mother. Even the letters the narrator writes to her are read to her once and then thrown away. Parents are allowed to visit only every other Sunday, when the children line up on the balconies of their cottages and conduct shouted conversations with the parents who stand below. Emily’s balcony in particular represents the emotional distance between the narrator and her daughter.

Miss Emily's relationship with her father is a key factor in the development of her isolation. As she is growing up, he will not let anybody around his daughter,

Emily was kept confined from all that surrounded her. Her father had given the town folks a large amount of money which caused Emily and her father to feel superior to others. “Grierson’s held themselves a little too high for what they really were” (Faulkner). Emily’s attitude had developed as a stuck-up and stubborn girl and her father was to blame for this attitude. Emily was a normal

Emily’s upbringing is plagued with difficulties. She is the first-born of a young mother and the eldest of five brothers and sisters. As a baby, she is

When Emily was ill, her mother believed that the best place to get care for her child was in a special home. This contradicted the real needs Emily had. Soon after the last child was born, Emily became very ill with red measles, and once again the mother had to send her away to a convalescent home in the country where she could be cared for until she was well enough to return home. The mother thought to herself, "She can have the kind of food and care you can't manage for her, and you'll be free to concentrate on the new baby" (602). For the first six weeks, Emily was not allowed any visitors. The child sat in this strange home for six weeks not knowing anyone at all until her mother could visit her every other Sunday. When her mother did visit, there was an invisible wall "not To Be Contaminated by Parental Germs or Physical Affection" (602). The wall represents the distance between Emily and her mother, which has always been and continues. Emily had told her mother one day "They don't like you to love anybody here" (602). She wanted to love and to be loved so badly. It didn't seem that there was anywhere she could go to

Miss Emily is also decaying, but it is subtle and internal--the awful smell that begins to permeate from her dwelling is a reflection of the withering woman within rotting. Perhaps most tragically, Miss Emily’s isolation is far from self-inflicted. Her blind devotion to the ones she loves; her father, her husband, her home; only serves to further condemn her actions. Her neighbors disregard toward her inabilty to let go of her father after his death, despite the delicacy of her being, caused for her madness to fester. “She told them her father was not dead.

Although the mother may have been trying to help Emily, the mother should have tried to take care of Emily better instead of sending her off as the only solution. One of the other effects of her mother’s unavoidable neglect is Emily’s failure to be on the same pace as her peers in class. She is at a state of illiteracy that is uncommon for her age at the time which may be a result from staying at home instead of going to class to take care of the household. In addition to the mother’s neglect, having a sister who was the ideal poster child may have caused self confidence problems as she grew older being the odd one out in the family. Emily’s mother should have made sure she was able to take care of Emily first before deciding to give birth to another child. What the mother thought would be the best option for Emily had a more clear negative effect on Emily after she grew older still not having any clear direction in her life.

This reality sends panic and fear through her because now she has nowhere to turn and no one to tell her what to do, no one to command her life. Not only is she stricken with the loss of her father but now she is cut off to the outside world, because her only link has passed on. Emily immediately goes into a state of denial; to her, her father could not be dead, he was all that she had and she would not let him go.

"You think because I am her mother I have a key, or that in some way you could use me as a key? She has lived for nineteen years. Over and over, we are told of the limitations on choice--"it was the only way"; "They persuaded me" and verbs of necessity recur for descriptions of both the mother's and Emily's behavior. " In such statements as "my wisdom ! came too late," the story verges on becoming an analysis of parental guilt. With the narrator, we construct an image of the mother's own development: her difficulties as a young mother alone with her daughter and barely surviving during the early years of the depression; her painful months of enforced separation from her daughter; her gradual and partial relaxation in response to a new husband and a new family as more children follow; her increasingly complex anxieties about her first child; and finally her sense of family balance which surrounds but does not quite include the early memories of herself and Emily in the grips of survival needs. In doing so she has neither trivialized nor romanticized the experience of motherhood; she has indicated the wealth of experience yet to be explored in the story’s possibilities of experiences, like motherhood, which have rarely been granted serious literary consideration. Rather she is searching for

In “A Rose for Emily”, Miss Emily Grierson lives a life of quiet turmoil. Her

     Emotional support also plays an important role of Emily’s well being. The idea mother suppose to care, support, and value their children needs. Emily needed this nourishment. She needed her mother to smile at her in order for her to feel a connection with the person that she supposed to be able to depend on. Emily’s mother did not know how to communicate with Emily. The mother-daughter relationship has an element of coldness, it lacks warmth. “There were years she did not want me to touch her” (Olsen 262). Emily’s mother inability to interact with her, leaves Emily unloved and in return, she shall not express any love toward her mother. Emily’s mother feels her “wisdom came too late” (Olsen 262). With this thought in mind, Emily’s mother shall never show communication or love to Emily, therefore the relationship shall continue to be doomed.

Her father’s wisdom makes her react in a way she would if her father was still with her. One’s absence can leave a mark on an individual's soul in choosing the right direction to follow with one's emotions and feeling. Earlier in Emily’s life she was able to obtain knowledge on parenting from her father, so after his death emily was able to take care of her mother while she is ill. In doing so emily knew how to care for herself and others during the absence if her father. While emily learned how to care for her mother on her own at an early time in her life she stands up for herself as she’s belittled to her capabilities by saying, “I can’t have you ordering me around like I’m a child.

The plot revolves around the constant and consistent conflict she experienced while Emily was a baby, and in fact, even is clear about the fact that the first six years of Emily’s life was a struggle. The action of this young, single mother that is portrayed, further engages a reader even though the action is merely imagery. Hence, the readers can picture this young girl, putting one foot in front of the other, doing whatever was necessary to survive, but doing so without joy. This point hits home as the old man neighbor tenderly tells her “You should smile at Emily more when you look at her” ( Kirszner & Mandell, 2012). It makes one wonder if she is actually comparing the responsibility of raising her child with the tedious and routine task of ironing.

Emily is angry and resentful. She is angry at her mother and blames her for her life and the way she has turned out. Her mother has always put her down and constantly tell her that she was