Personal Narrative: A History With Existential Depression

This year was my last year at The Little Middle School. Even though I’ve had a lot of speed bumps, I’ve accomplished a lot of stuff. From learning new instruments to working on my ability to focus, I’ve grown a lot.

A saying i've kept to myself is to get back up when knocked down. This saying doesn’t just stand for getting up when literally knocked down but can keep a deeper meaning than what it says as for example being knocked down by a difficult obstacle to overcome and getting up to find a way to get past it and achieving it. Some people may not see this as something important but they don’t think about how getting up after knocked down can be something that can or would have been like a positive outcome into their life and how they are given two choices when knocked down which is to stay down or get back up and continue going forward.

I rush into my home and run up the stairs to my room. I jump on my bed and roll over to my laptop and open it quickly. I log onto the One Direction site and see that I made it in time to see the bid. I scroll and try and find my name and I see I'm in third place for the tickets and the time is running out. I've already bid $7000 for three tickets and backstage passes. The reason it's so expensive is because these passes are the last set of passes for their concert. 5sos is also playing so we would be meeting two bands and hearing both of them play.

In 2025, I will be twenty-nine years old and hopefully married. I will be married to my significant other of ten years Earnest Palmer III, who is a dentist. I would have been recently graduating with a bachelor’s in Culinary Arts and trying to plan to open my own restaurant, BubbaD’s Eateries. Knowing my big headed husband of mine, I probably had a baby then and trying to have another baby. Hopefully, by then Earnest will get rid of the idea naming our son, King. We will be living in the suburbs near New York City but working in the city. Being a woman with great memory, I probably wrote a memoir about my crazy life and trying to sell it to a publisher. If none of the publishers wants to publish my memoir, I will probably sell it the Lifetime

An accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that played a key role in shaping who I am today was we when I no longer treatment for my mental illness – Major Depressive Disorder.

Well this year was a hell of a year. I mean, i didn't pass any of the semesters but i did observe a ton of stuff that went on in the class. The class in general was pretty lit. Every day went by and i honestly did some work. The class was ready to learn as mrs g was ready to teach. I mean yea we had some days were we didn't want to learn anything and there were also days when mrs g didn't want to teach. But ima be honest, doing the work we did wasn't in my best interest. Most of the projects we did in class i worked on, but at the end i didn't end up liking how i did it so i wouldn't even bother turning anything in. like the obituary we had to write about ourselves. I liked the meaning behind this but honestly i didn't want to work on that because it just brought back memories of my friends that were killed.

When I heard that these disorders could also affected me resulting from major depressive disorder, I was still in denial mode. Then I came to realize that having MDD was only affecting me, but also affecting my family and my friends. I became a bother to them and also came to realization that I needed help. So I asked my parents to help me seek treatments to where I can get back to my normal self. My normal self was a person that was cheerful, always making jokes, happy, and just lived life to the fullest. I miss my normal self. The treatments that I had were very affective. The disorder that I was treated for is psychotherapy, where I talked about what is making me think negative thoughts and it allow discussing how I can improve on thinking

Throughout the conversation, Susan did not inform me that the home was still in First Look and not open to investors at this time. Susan did not highlight any features of the home, nor did she talk about the neighborhood or the surrounding area. When asked, Susan paused to reference the property file and stated, "In looking at the pictures it appears that it needs interior paint, carpet, appliances, and a few windows, which the previous seller must have taken." She stated, "I don't know why they have to remove things from the homes." I asked, "Do you have offers?" She paused to check the property file and answered, "No offers." I asked, "Is the property behind the home farmland?" She paused to reference the property file and replied, "It appears

When I walked into the store, I was greeted by the sales associate, Cathy. She came over and asked me how she can help me today. I replied that I was looking for a new mattress and was told by a co-worker that they had a new Sleep Number bed and I was interested in finding out about them. The associate asked me about my current mattress and what I was looking for in a new mattress. After I answered her questions, she led me over to the demonstration mattress and asked me to lie down. She gave me the demonstration and then asked me to come over to the m7 mattress and lie down on that mattress. The associate then demonstrated the adjustable frame of the m7. She then gave me the laminated pricing sheet and explained that there was a current

I sat there with my legs crossed for hours. The tingly numbness rose up from my toes to the top of my spine. Hours of nothingness. Hours of staring at a blank sheet of paper. Hours of complete and utter silence. Then, it began. My pencil, which was previously silent, began to speak. The shapes flowed out no real meaning. No sense just movement. I began to move my pencil with brisk movements. Soft and then brisk once more. Switching the colors once, twice, and then again. Shading, blending, redrawing, and repeat. Over and over again as the colors flowed out and told me something that I wasn't expecting, completion.

There are only two options in the ocean: sink or swim. America operates the same way - either you make it or you don’t. 6 years ago my family was introduced to the foster care system and I met my sisters. We were warned how “troublesome” girls could be and their behaviors, medication why they were being placed into our home. It seems as if all their lives they received the short even of the stick but not when it came to living with us. We didn’t want them to drown in the system.

I collapsed to the floor as my lungs shrunk two sizes and my tears couldn’t even be released due to my inability to breathe, let alone stand. This was my first real panic attack, and my body had succumbed to my mind. Backstage, just minutes before my first play, I began to think about all of the improvisation necessary for my role, and how I had to be in character continually (so as not to ruin the play for everyone else), and I couldn’t handle it. My lines had been erased from my mind, and my vision went blurry from tears and fear. Just then, two people had surrounded me, squatting to get on my level. Dizzy and ready to faint, my two best friends had helped me get a grip of reality again. They reminded

There are times in everybody’s life when they feel down, worthless, or question themselves to a point of insecurity. With clinical depression, these feelings of insignificance are perpetual rather than circumstantial.

Trapped inside an existential crisis, I had no idea why I bothered going to school or what purpose my life would even serve after that. I hadn't inherited my mother’s bountiful optimism and would instead get trapped in an invincible bubble of uncertainty. I was a lifeless soul who slaved day after day to get good grades without any long term goal to work after. After this I sunk into depression and began having unhealthy thoughts. My mother, having noticed my boredom with life, got worried that I might do something foolish and signed me up to volunteer at the local hospital down the street. I didn’t object nor was I particularly ecstatic about filing paperwork all day as most new hospital volunteers were made to do. However, because the hospital

Based on several studies, children and adolescents were acutely aware of the annihilation threat (reviewed by Wagner, 1985). As these children matured into adults, this 'nuclear anxiety' became hidden behind psychological defenses that diffused or distorted the threat. For example, demonizing the Soviet Union and its citizens as irrational and anti-American helped justify the nuclear Arms Race. Eventually, the nuclear threat was diffused or further distorted through a process called 'psychic-numbing'.