Personal Narrative Analysis

It isn’t the overall content of the essay I wish to address; it is one sentence

Paste all of your revised body paragraphs and conclusion in the space below. Bold the

Here comes the fatal point. After paragraph 7, the topic word finally come out from paragraph 8, and after paragraph 8 it feels like author are just randomly talking, providing information.

The last paragraph in the introduction uses the word “many” several times; you may want to use an alternative word.

There are some places where the sentence doesn’t make sense that you could improve. For example, in your fourth paragraph, the following sentence is wrong “The after Rosa Parks arrest it was clear to Jo Ann Robinson now was the time to implement the city wide bus boycott.” I think you meant: Then after Rosa Park’s arrest it was clear to Jo Ann Robinson now was the time to implement the city wide bus boycott.

3. It’s likely that you will need to rewrite the introduction before writing the conclusion because ideas can change. The most important point could become the most minor detail and vice versa.

The topic sentence was much too long and would not grab the attention of the reader--it would not have for me anyways. It was three sentences so I compressed the sentence down. I also made sure to change the wording of the sentence after the attention grabber so that it was into two sentences. That would avoid confusion. The overall original paper was too complicated to read, so I mainly changed a majority of the complicated phrasing to simpler ones while making sure it kept to the purpose of the original paper. I also changed the first topic sentence in the first body paragraph because it had a citation and I made sure to make a clear topic sentence describing about the history of steroids and how it gained its recognition. Overall, this essay is meant to be more concise, compressed, and teach the readers to not have to hunt throughout my

This is more so providing background knowledge rather than analysis. I think you should include this information in your introduction, rather than as a body paragraph

Sexuality is a major ordeal in today's reality. With online networking and the advancement of individuals nearing around and acting naturally. When I say acting naturally I imply that you are alright with individuals tolerating you for whom you are. You're not stressed over the kickback you may get from being distinctive. It is alright to act naturally and not need to stress over what individuals think like numerous years back. The changing of genders of Bruce Jenner has everybody feeling great with whom they are. We are all not the same everybody. Furthermore, individuals are additionally ready to not pass judgment on you. Everybody has somebody in his or her family that is distinctive so individuals are more satisfactory to things in 2015

Punctuate the following passage, inserting capital letters where necessary. Use such paragraphs as you consider will improve understanding and style.

The paragraph that most attracts me is the first one. I’d like to incorporate it in more direct way.

From the moment I was able to tie my shoes and button my jacket, I knew I wanted to be a doctor. While all my classmates at the La Petite Academy made macaroni trees and smiley faces, I drew myself with a stethoscope curing a poor man with the cold. Every year in elementary school, we had career day. Never straying from my love to helping others I wanted to be a surgeon one year, to a dentist the next, and even an obstetrician, I changed my mind quickly once I found out what they did. Looking back on my childhood, I always had a connection with animals and always loved being around them. Early mornings I would open our nearly frozen-shut windows listening to the birds calling. Beside from the squawking of the crows, I heard a soft, pleasant yet curious bird call. It stuck out to me

By the time I reached Kindergarten and started my middle childhood years I already possessed several gross and fine motor skills. A few of these gross motor skills which I possessed were the ability to catch a ball, climb a flight of stairs without help, and the ability to stand on one foot for a given amount of time. A few of my fine motor skills were the ability to draw shapes, cut on a straight line, and to color within the designated lines. Upon entering Kindergarten I had an accident where I cut off the tip of my right index finger. I had to keep my finger bandaged for the first nine weeks of Kindergarten therefore it delayed a few of my fine motor skills. By the end of Kindergarten and the beginning of my 1st grade year I learned fine

Your transitions from paragraph to paragraph do not flow very well. For clarity, your second paragraph could be part of the main body. The sentence that starts with, “to increase the penetration of electric vehicles, I recommend…,” should follow your introductory paragraph. The two subheadings after each paragraph create more confusion than a clarity for the reader. You should replace the subheadings with transitional sentences. For instance, the subheading “Infrastructure” is already stated in the heading “Invest in Infrastructure and Research and Development.” Remove it because it is repetitive.

Paragraphs did not include a transition sentence which made it hard to accurately follow each point being made. There was not a clear path to the paper which can cause the reader to get lost.