Personal Narrative: Back To Illness

Sometimes I ask myself how I overcame my disease. Many people with lupus experience fatigue, memory loss, loss of appetite. Usually younger African, white, and Asian men and woman develop that disease in their teens. It all started that night when I was laying in my mom bed. At that time I felt like it was my time to leave this earth. When I turn 15 years old I saw so many changes. . I experience so many symptoms while I was in my second semester. All the symptoms that I experience were hallucinations, fever, nausea, and nose bleeds. At that time I seen myself getting really sick. I caught strep throat and it was hard to focus in school because I missed so many days.

My personal goals are centered on healing. In this world of decreasing resources and increasing and ever diverse populations, there are unmet needs, confusions, and misunderstandings—the very stuff of conflicts and wars. It has been my experience and observation that what the world (and especially me) needs most is a transformation that involves healing, which I believe can lead to a greater measure of peace. That is to say, I have come from a heritage that is troubled with addictions and the abuse and generational cycles of violence that so often accompany addictions. However, I am a survivor, and I continually strive to go forward healing from this past. In time, I came to acknowledge my need for skills in conflict transformation and peace

Day four of clinicals was really long. The first patient was scheduled from 8 until 1, he was getting fitted for 4 crowns and an implant crown. When the patient came in he had a horrible odor and looked like he hasn’t taken care of himself in months. I seated him down and the dental assistant just glanced at his teeth and looked at me strangely and whispered come here and look. I look in this old man’s mouth and saw nothing but a brown layer of plaque and calculus build up and it disgusted me. How could someone not take care of their selves? Anyways, we ended up sending him to the hygienist's room next to us and they cleaned his teeth extra good. He came back into the room and Dr. Williams came in and quickly did a check up on his teeth and

I fight for my health every day in ways most people do not understand I lay in bed struggling just to get up in the morning only to get faced with a new day of troubles. All I think about is the day that being a normal eighteen year old ended for me. I was responsible went to work every day, and was trying to figure out my first year of college until everything was flipped upside down.

I feel a sense of calmness wash over me. My thoughts are peaceful and positive. I am confident and capable. I sleep a deep, healing sleep. I wake in the morning refreshed and renewed.

It’s a struggle to get out of bed sometimes, I often just sit there struggling to comprehend the sequence of events which have taken place over the past year. I mean, I’m used to this now, its normal to me, but the fact that this has happened and that I am now ‘disabled’ as people would put it is hard to get my head around. And every time I look down I’m reminded of the pain and the struggle I faced, it’s a physical scar which links me to my grueling past, a physical and emotional journey.

A couple years back when my mother had back surgery, I would always help her up, which I seemed pretty good at, because she would always say, “Whenever you help me I can never feel it. You are really good at this.” At that time it had gone in one ear and out the other. That’s not until two years ago when my grandmother was really sick, so we had to stay days with her because she couldn’t be by herself. She was sleeping the whole day, so something just told me to wake her up. After I woke her up, she sat up for a few minutes. My family gave her some medicine and then her eyes started rolling behind her head, and she was unresponsive. At that time I rushed and called 911. The whole time I felt as if I was in a daze. At that

I believe in healing. I had always seen my pastor and my mom pray for people at church and talk about healing all the time. At church I always hear “prayer changes things” or “If you want to be healed you need you need to have faith” but I didn’t really listen because bad things happen all the time whether you have faith or not. I never really thought about people being healed it until a few weeks ago.

After suffering the past four years from multiple concussions with limited help, you begin to feel that recovering is just about impossible. I have essentially been at the same recovery level the past four years with only small improvements in my well-being. The Doctors I had gone to in the past were very limited in what they could do for me. Until rcently if you asked me if I ever felt I would be able to fully recovery from my concussions the answer would be, no. This answer completely changed after returning from Cerebrum Health Centers in Dallas, Texas. I was very fortunate to have come across Cerebrum when I was looking for information for my website. Shortly after I had found out about the Brain Center I was on a plane to Dallas to go

I sat at the kitchen counter, staring at the green cabinets and bowls of fruit. I wanted to play in tonight’s soccer game, but my mind was still foggy from the drugs I received in the hospital the day before. I didn’t want my teammates to see me like this. My hair was matted from where my head rubbed against the blue hospital pillow, and a wrinkled piece of clear tape secured a nasal feeding tube onto my cheek. I hated what the tube meant: that I was inadequate and that I couldn’t drink by myself. I was someone who insisted on doing everything on my own, and the thin, flexible tube was a physical reminder that I could not. My mom and dad lauded my bravery, but I dismissed them. I didn’t believe bravery was dictated by necessity.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

"There is one consolation in being sick; that is the possibility that you may return to a better state then you were ever in before." Henry David Thoreau

A very close family member was diagnosed with an incurable illness and was detected late. She came and talked to me after a doctor’s appointment, and shared with me that the doctor informed her that the treatment she is on, is not working and there are only four treatments available to control it only. She had tried three of the four treatments without success. And if the last treatment does not work either, the doctor does not know what approach they would take. Her tears started rolling down her face, and for the first time, I did not have any jokes or words. I was able to see and felt her pain and sorrow; she stopped talking and burst to cry. I hugged her and truly told her that I am so sorry and I will be here to support her. I also said

If I, Yesung Shin, am to be terminally ill the following circumstances are what I wish to happen to my body. I choose my parents to be the ultimate voice in selecting what to do in terms of my health, because I know they have my best intentions at hand and I have also spoken briefly with them regarding my wishes. First off I want to be placed at home, opposed to a medical setting, and with my family, because to me home is more personal than any healthcare type setting. When I was younger I witnessed my mom, a Lymphoma Cancer survivor, staying in the hospital for extended amounts of time and felt how suffocating the environment was, even though I was just visiting.

“I soon realized that no journey carries one far unless, it goes an equal distance into the world within.” was said by Lillian Smith. In my life this translates to my journey with illness. When the journey began, I was 12 and diagnosed with uveitis, which is inflammation in the eye. The journey from then until now is comparable to wandering in a forest. The forest starts off dark with little-disjointed spots of light. I did not know I was going into the forest then, I only knew something was happening and it was supposed to stop if I did all the eye drops. It did not happen that way, instead, I walked into the forest that would change me and help me discover myself. The time it started was similar to being pushed into the forest with another diagnosis of glaucoma and the beginning of juvenile idiopathic arthritis. I was pushed into the forest and looked for all of the speckles of light. It was like grasping at something that I could not quite understand. I just knew they would take me somewhere. They were appealing with shifts in the light as breezes came through, and I followed them and their magnetism. I now know the specks of light were the pieces of who I am with the illnesses, as well as beyond them.