Personal Narrative: Being A Dependent Has Taught Me Independence

Long absences can very often lead to complications in marriages and in relationships with children. Soldiers can miss very important moments because of a war, such as holidays and birthdays. The parent who is not at war also has to take on all of the responsibilities for home, children, and finance while their significant other is deployed. In addition to this, the parent who is left behind often finds themselves dealing with a change in behavior from their children, which is very likely a result from their other parent’s long absence. Many returning veterans blame the complications in their lives after their life in the military on their time deployed. It may seem insignificant, but this is a big reason why military force has an impact on the everyday lives of Americans who do not even serve for a military branch.

Joining the military was astonishing in very many aspects in my life and it truly molded me into who I am today. I will genuinely say that the most important people in my life are my mother and father. I am not a parent myself but I have had years to only imagine how tough parenting can be; especially when raising three stubborn boys. My mother and father are very open minded and kind hearted to everyone regardless of who they are. I will be honest here and say that I may not have been as grateful as I should have been when I was a younger kid, but that’s just life. When you are younger, everything is very simple and do not realize the little things in life. I had no other worries except for, “What’s for dinner?”. The military made me realize how much I appreciated and very much needed my loved ones. Travelling far away to Marine Corps Recruiting Depot, San Diego California and starting my very own journey was one of the toughest decisions at that time to make for myself.

My father has been in the military for the past 30 years, this means that my family and I are used to moving. Usually the moving process goes very fast: my dad will receive a posting message and within the next four months we’ll be in a new home. It can be intense, as my house would be up for sale, my parents would leave to go buy a new house, and I’d have to break the news to my friends that I’d be gone within a few months, but I’ve always enjoyed moving despite the intensity and the stress it might bring. Due to the fact that the longest I’ve lived in one place was for four years, I began to expect a new posting after just a few years in a new place. While it goes fast and can be stressful, I appreciate the moving process because it’s interesting to see my life packed up and moved somewhere, whether it’s across the ocean or across Canada.

Most military families face the possibility of a loved one returning to service which can also cause a great deal of fear and unpredictability within the family. Studies also prove that family members struggle with emotional distress and children often have behavioral issues as a result of parents deployed to serve in the military. “The strain of war deployment with associated risk that the service member may be harmed or killed, adds to the stressors inherent in military family life, even in times of peace” (Link, P. E., & Palinkas, L. A. (2013). This also suggest that family separations due to irregular tours and training deployments. Often impact the relationships in the family and can change the family dynamics often leaving one caregiver with a majority of the responsibility of raising a family. The military culture can adversely affect family functioning with inflexible hierarchical relationships, expectations and of obeying rules and

As we look at the over, arching aspect of family implications, the most common aspect associated to this is the number of service member deaths. By the numbers alone, those killed in conjunction to the operations of the past 14 years do not hold a candle to the sheer numbers of World Wars I and II, Korea, or Vietnam. We must look past these numbers and look at all injuries, which will then significantly increase the casualty numbers. Many of the millions of wounded warriors resulting of their service, both the physical and emotional trauma, will affect them for the rest of their lives. (Morin, 2011) With casualty rates today we can no longer only look at the service members themselves, the burdens and joys of life continue even in their absence. Now, in today’s families, the decision to serve, or the continuation of service affect everyone within the household.

For example, almost every kid whose parent or parents are in the military have been deployed before. Meaning that their parent is going away for duty to another country like Iraq or Afghanistan for 6-18 months. This puts stress on the family because they do not have both parents for support. Not only does having a parent deployed for a long time makes things stressful, but also moving to different cities because of one's parent received orders somewhere else to work. This part is also stressful due to the entire moving process. Parents have to get paper work processed and kids have to complete paper work for school, so they can stay on track from their old school to their new school. But besides the school and paper work, this is tough on the kids because they have to keep making new friends everywhere they move to. However, with moving comes new experiences. Such as, if one family gets stationed in Germany they can travel to different countries and experience other cultures. Or one can learn the country's language and communicate with others outside the military to adapt to their

Military children and families face multiple challenges just for being part of this culture, these challenges are not limited to disruption in family routines, extended separations, mental health problems and parenting difficulties that be related to exposure to traumatic events (Paley, Lester, & Mogil, 2013). One such challenge is deployment. What is deployment, it is the sending of military personnel and materials to a specific destination from their home installation (Military, 2015). Deployment encompasses the preparation and personal needs that are needed before, during and after deployment. All families preparing for a deployment separation go through a process defined by the stages of preparation, survival, and reunion and with each stage comes with different stressors and adjustments for the military member and family members left behind. The stages are predeployment, deployment, sustainment, redeployment and post deployment ((Devoe, & Ross, 2012), within these stages are the seven emotional stages of deployment anticipation of departure, detachment and withdrawal, emotional disorganization, recovery and stabilization, anticipation of return, return adjustment and renegotiation and reintegration and stabilization (Morse, 2006).

When it comes to what separates me from other teenagers, there would be quite a bit to tell. I would say a major difference which separates me from my peers is my love for barbershop harmony music. I do not have a quartet of my own; however, I love to sing barbershop tags with other friends at church. I set myself apart from the world because of my beliefs: as a New Testament christian, I believe the bible gives us all instruction concerning spiritual matters.

Military children, the most affected by the deployment, get fearful about their military father’s deployment, and will eventually rebel in his absence, thus adding more stress to the non-deployed mother. However, the experience will help them forge stronger bond with their mother and gain maturity and flexibility in their daily lives.

I was eighteen when I joined the National Guard Army and here began a new chapter in my life. My military occupational specialty (job) I chose was to be a combat engineer. From here they assign you to where you will be transferred with those of the same job. One of my first assignments was basic training which took about three months and another assignment a year later at advanced individual training (AIT). I felt depressed and nervous leaving my family and girlfriend behind twice, but the time went by smoothly with letters and phone calls it kept me going. Unfortunately, things turned around so quickly after my arrival from AIT I was told I was being deployed months after. The longest and toughest nine months I had to live with when leaving

In my life, I have had to say goodbye to my father, and have him absent from my life for over three years. Three whole years in which communication was limited and assurance of safety was not a thing. During these times I was faced with all the negatives of the military life, and personally felt that the military was taking my father away from me. However, as I repeatedly saw my father grin coming home from deployment, I could tell that he was not being used or just a pawn in the game. My father loved what he did and when he is home, my family has always lived life to the fullest. My father always recollects his grand memories of the military and cannot thank the military enough for all the benefits and opportunities he has been given. I personally

I slowly get off the plane, wishing I could go back to Bangladesh. I am going to miss the fourteen years I have spent there. Surprisingly, I’ll even miss the unclear foggy sky and the dreadfully slow traffic. My family wanted to get out of this corruption and move to a better place. They decided to go to a large country in North America called Canada.

I was in a sea of people, all jumping to the beat of the music. Sure, some of the people had never heard the songs and were just present, but most people, including myself, were having the time of their lives. From one song to the next, people were crowd surfing and dancing as if they would never run out of energy. My older sister, Janelle, was by my side, traveling across the vast lawn from one stage from another. Live music was practically booming all around me from all kinds of artists, with the sun beating down mercilessly.

Under the amalgam of leaked gasoline, rain puddles, and tobacco smoke is the smell of which is irresistible for an only child - the smell of independence. The place where this smell reeks most strongly is the place where independence was born, in the great city of Philadelphia..

Along with many other Zers, independence is my “thing”. Since I was a little kid, I’ve had to pave my own way through life. My older brother and sister were always competitive with each other, but I couldn’t do everything they were doing because I was younger; I stuck to playing dolls by myself instead of playing sports with my siblings. I don’t really play with dolls anymore; however, I do not want to go to Marquette University and major in business like my older siblings. To my parents dismay, I also dread having to do things other people want me to do. I am always being told to clean my room or to do the dishes, and the very fact that I’m being told what to do makes me not want to do it. This is also seen when I’m told I can’t do something,