Personal Narrative: Bipolar Disorder

The depression is overwhelming. I cry uncontrollably. At its worst, I cannot move. Gravity seems to have added weight tenfold. I wake up in my bed, struggling to get out. I am unable to. Breathing hurts. I try to cry out for help, but I cannot move my mouth to form the words in my disgusted mind. I am trapped in my own head. I am trapped in my own body, a body that is entirely numb.

It’s a struggle to get out of bed sometimes, I often just sit there struggling to comprehend the sequence of events which have taken place over the past year. I mean, I’m used to this now, its normal to me, but the fact that this has happened and that I am now ‘disabled’ as people would put it is hard to get my head around. And every time I look down I’m reminded of the pain and the struggle I faced, it’s a physical scar which links me to my grueling past, a physical and emotional journey.

“I...I don’t know. Sometimes I wish dad would just come back. And other times I wish he was never alive. He left us, to suffer with an alcoholic mother, while he’s probably living a good life with another wife who’s 20 years younger than him.” I rolled up my sleeve, tracing the scars on my wrist. We stared at the passing cars, hoping one of those was mom’s.

The severe mood fluctuations of bipolar or manic-depressive disorders have been around since the 16-century and affect little more than 2% of the population in both sexes, all races, and all parts of the world (Harmon 3). Researchers think that the cause is genetic, but it is still unknown. The one fact of which we are painfully aware of is that bipolar disorder severely undermines its victims ability to obtain and maintain social and occupational success. Because the symptoms of bipolar disorder are so debilitation, it is crucial that we search for possible treatments and cures.

There are many factors that influence the treatment outcomes of individuals experiencing bipolar disorder. Demographic variables such as gender, socioeconomic status, and ex-offender status may have an impact on an individual’s overall perspective towards mental health, thus affecting the willingness to seek treatment and overall outcomes. Recent research examined the relationship between gender differences and counseling outcomes and found both genders responded positively to psychotherapy (Watson & Nathan, 2008). Specifically, Watson & Nathan (2008) found no differences in gender on treatment outcomes between individual and group cognitive behavioral therapy amongst depressed clients. Men and women presented with symptoms of depression

Throughout my childhood my mother had severe bipolar disorder and took her daily rage out on my three siblings, my father and myself. My oldest brother, Nick, was impacted by her behavior and grew into a violent child. When my parents were gone Nick was the babysitter. I was weak and defenseless—an easy target for the outlet of his anger. He formed an alliance with our siblings and tormented me with every opportunity. Eventually, I developed a fear of my siblings in addition to my established fear of my mom. This fear turned into depression and self-doubt. For years I dreaded being at home where I was blanketed by harassment and blame, so I actively sought out opportunities to escape.

Bipolar disorder, or manic-depressive disorder, is a disorder characterized by extreme mood changes. A person suffering from this disorder can go from being energetic and outgoing to feeling worthless and irritated anywhere between a few days to a couple of months, or even years. Diagnosis, treatment, and the dramatic changes cause a threat to the victim. People with bipolar disorder may try to kill themselves or engage in reckless behaviors depending on which stage they are in (Hassel et al 2009.). The stages a person with bipolar disorder goes through are called episodes.

Bipolar Disorder is a serious and complicated mood disorder characterized by abnormal fluctuations between an individual’s high and low moods. Mania, Depression, Hypomania and Mixed Episodes are the predominant moods that can be identified in the different forms of Bipolar Disorder (GlaxoSmithKlein, 2007). The etiology, symptomology, and treatment for each mood and form of Bipolar Disorder vary as well. Moods can be identified by a person’s level of happiness, sadness, outlook on life and how he may physically feel (Mondimore, 2006). Patients struggling with Bipolar Disorder have difficulty regulating the euphoric highs of mania, the “black hole” feelings of depression, the “softer side” of hypomania and the incessant cycling of Mixed

with a certain bipolar disorder, an individual would have to have signs and symptoms that are

Throughout the ages the view upon mental health has changed along with how we deal with those who possess mental illness. Many different names and labels have been placed on the mentally ill. Whether the label is simply ‘crazy’ or a fancy name for a specific type of disorder, they are looked upon with the same attitude: they are different.

Living with Bipolar disorder and depression is like a bad Katy Perry song, "Hot N' Cold". I have had this internal conflict as long as i can remember, it slowly made its way to external. I have learned a lot over the years from it. One is you can not fix everything with a little pill. People are who they are not what you want to be.

I unbuckled my car seat and leaned forward to see my mother’s tear stricken face. I had never seen my mother cry with such sincerity. Her mascara streaking down her cheeks, creating canals of charcoal grime that tarnished her otherwise flawless face. Her breath seemed to catch in her throat as she attempted to talk through another sob. The sight of her pulled me back to only minutes earlier when

The shadow world for some people is fictitious and for others it is just a video game; however, for me it is the life I live every day. I am not alone inside this shadow world as my mom and dad both live here with me. The Demon, my older brother John, who was diagnosed at a young age with Type II Bipolar Disorder with Schizophrenia tries to control our universe and prevent anyone from escaping. To outsiders this world seems ominous but once you learn the proper navigation skills it becomes a whole new world.

Diagnosis. For a full year before her diagnosis, we could not be in the same room without an argument ensuing. Now, I know how to better handle my frizzy-haired older sister’s bipolar episodes. She comes to us for assistance when things get too challenging for her. But a few years ago everything was pitch black. My sister is manic bipolar. Bipolar disorder deals with intense highs and lows. Before her diagnosis, my siblings and I would joke that she was bipolar because of her capricious mood swings. Coincidence or not? Suffice to say, life has been a learning experience.

The greatest challenge I’ve had to overcome is brain chemistry. I was surprised to be diagnosed Bipolar 1 my freshman year of college. I learned that Bipolar runs on my mom’s side of my family, and that it surfaces around 17 to 19 years old. I was an early bloomer.