Personal Narrative: Coming Out

Social aspects of my life would teach me that being homosexual or bisexual was wrong, but others (while living in Palm Springs, Ca.) taught me that it was completely normal to have such sexual orientations. I have lived in California my whole life which has always had heavy, heated debates about allowing same sex marriages, allowing homosexuals in the military, and fighting for homosexual equality, so the history behind my state has made me grow up to be comfortable around gays even with the disturbing things I had been subjected to while I was growing up in Palm Springs. This class has now taught me many things I did not know about when it comes to the psychological aspects of being homosexual or bisexual, but I am still a heterosexual, and comfortable with it.

I was crippled and trapped between choosing what my society had taught me, what was considered to be right, and what I thought was better for me. Prior to summer academy and my immigration to the United States, I had a problem finding my true self in matters like accepting homosexuality. My thoughts and my judgments were corrupt in a sense that my reaction towards such people was solemnly based on what I had been taught. I was born and raised in an environment where homosexuality was considered to be an abomination and unlawful. After immigrating to the United States, I had little to no encounters with people who considered themselves as gay or lesbian etc. Unfortunately for me, upon attending the summer program, I was paired with a person who considered himself to be gay. Initially, every thought I had was filled with ignorance and closed mindedness. But then as time progressed and my grade depended on his effort, I decided to put all the negativity and what I knew aside and tried to learn something from this friend. By the end of the program, I found out that this person was just like me: funny, amiable, sociable and essentially the difference that existed between him and me, was our sexual

In my college years, I started to realize that my perception of normality was not the same as everyone else. I’ve learn that people have their own way of lifestyle. Also, that the word “normal” is defined in several ways and not everyone has the same definition for it. Normative is a wide factor that includes many different variables to different people. What made me become more aware of homosexuality was the time I began to expand my social surroundings. In the environment I grew up in, there was a strict stigma towards homosexuals. I felt the pressure to believe in what everyone else around me believed in because I did not want to be considered as an outsider. Inclusion was important to me because feeling a part of a social group was crucial. It wasn’t until I began to stop caring about what my friends and family’s ideology about heterosexual marriage was when I broke free from my chain. The time I started my higher education career was time I met new people that changed my perception on diversity. I had the pleasure to met many people from different culture, religion, color, and sexual orientation. Acceptance for myself to be who I want to be became clear. My view of the world was changing. I was bided to the chain of ignorance because I lacked motivation to seek for the truth in the world around me. Through my college education, I met many homosexual individuals that influence my life. Majority of the time I discovered many commonalties I had with these individuals regardless of our sexual orientation. Although, the stereotype of homosexual does persist, it did not stop me from being open minded. I was ignorant before because I lack perception of homosexuals as normal individuals. I judge them as a whole because of what I have learned through my family’s cultural values, beliefs and

Growing up in a heterosexual world as a Lesbian who remained in many closets, has shape my identity and the way I will transact with people for the rest of my life. Upon coming out of closet, or being pushed out (by suspension from parents and friends) at the age of eighteen or nineteen I quickly assumed the bi-sexual title because it meant at least there was hope for me in the future. This proved to be worse for my self-esteem, and may have caused the most damage because even though I was free to come out, I was still afraid (somewhat) of taking the big leap and being totally ostracized by my friends and people I know. So I felt one million times worst trying to be bi-sexual than I ever did

For the first time in my life, I was afraid of being gay. In the LGBT community, it kind of comes with the territory. I mean not everyone is going to be on your side and fully accept you. And that is okay! When it comes to bigotry you just need to be able to kind of roll with it. It creates a hard exterior for you to have. But never have I ever felt a genuine sense of fear for being gay.

I knew from the time I was 12 that I was attracted to females and not males. I grew up with 4 older brothers and just wanted to be one of the guys. I played sports and got dirty, unlike my sisters who danced and talked about boys. I remember over hearing my mom one day while watching a movie with a homosexual scene, how “gross and unnatural” that was. That pushed me even further into my closet. My parents were born and raised Catholics. My mom believed in a marriage between a man and a woman, and anything else was unnatural. She used to say that those were the poor choices people made. I focused my attention on school and sports and even got a job during high school just to keep me distracted and away from home. I figured the less I was around my family the less likely they would be to figure out my secret

Dad suggested that I write you instead of talking to you over the phone, so I’m somewhat begrudgingly listening to him. As I’ve learned, there really isn’t a good place to start, so here it goes. I’m gay. There it is, I said it. I am romantically and sexually attracted to men instead of women. Around 13, I thought it was just a phase that I would grow out of, and I didn’t really process it much, but as time went on it just became more and more apparent that I was NOT going to “just grow out of it”. I started hating myself more and more, thinking that if I had more willpower, more faith, if I prayed harder that I could change. I thought I was broken, and my health reflected this. I started throwing up regularly, especially when I was stressed.

Discovering my sexual orientation was not really a surprise. I always knew, however, the idea that I was considered abnormal was what pushed me back the most. My faith and my parents always taught me it was wrong to like the same sex, and that made me afraid to come out. It made me frightened and anxious to think I wasn’t the child people thought I would be, and how it would affect me in the future. I thought I was a disappointment and I, myself, was a human sin.

Once I began high school, I began noticing little things that didn’t seem quite right. Most of them centered on the fact that I seemed to find guys more attractive than girls. Ashamed of myself, I pushed these feelings to the furthest reaches of my mind. Boys had girlfriends; girls had boyfriends. It was the way things were meant to be; anything else was wrong and perverse. Despite constant self-reassurance that I was straight, I never really convinced myself.

Coming out was one of the scariest and bravest things I have ever done. It’s so hard to describe, but coming out felt like I had suddenly lost 90% of my body weight. It was the nicest thing I have ever done for myself.

I'm a lesbian. That is not a simple thing to say; I've struggled saying the words without feeling sick for so long. The fact has been gnawing at me for quite a long time. I deal with a lot of internalized homophobia; I recall all the awful words people spoke about lesbians and it makes me feel so guilty. It's not something I like to think about regularly, or at all. I've liked girls for as long as I can remember, and when I understood that made me a lesbian, I was hoping that I was young and confused, and that maybe it was only a phase. Not that I believed being gay was an awful thing; I simply wouldn’t like to dread coming out to others. I had an inclination that I didn't need to tell anybody, that it was my decision who knew I was gay (I'm savvy, and I was and am thoroughly right). Yet, the main reason I didn't tell

In 8th grade I was finally able to accept myself for I am and to tell my parents and some other family members that I am bisexual. People say that there’s no such thing as being attracted to both genders and that was the thing that ultimately scared me because I thought something was seriously wrong with me. I never could accept the fact that I like the same gender and it made me hate myself. I tried to go to church and force myself to change but nothing seemed to work, nothing ever changed.

bisexual and so was I. She feared to tell her parents because where she came

It’s rather difficult to explain who or what explained my own views. I raised myself with a religious background with Christian views. My affiliation towards Christianity shaped the largest majority of my views with homosexuality where the religion basically rejects the participation of same-sex individuals engaging in sexual activities. As I matured as a young man, I believe my first exposure to gay and lesbians was when I participated in my high school’s mixed choirs over 20 years ago. Honestly, looking back, I think the discrimination of homosexuals affected me as well even though I’m heterosexual because of the preconceived notion how guys who sing higher (tenors) in vocal choirs are gay. I remember people asking me at one time or

Growing up gay during adolescence, a time when a sense of self is being developed, realization of who you really are, is often not possible for young gay men. Being different, not seeing yourself in characters on television or in books, or knowing a gay couple living in a long term relationship deepens your doubts of being accepted by your family or friends for who you are on the inside. Hiding feelings of attraction toward other males while trying to cope with male hormones is a challenge. This means trying to fit in, run with the guys, pretend you are interested in the opposite sex, basically measure up to society’s hyper-masculine ideal. Feeling awkward in a life that feels foreign to you, but gives you praise and acceptance doesn’t increase your self- esteem, it cultivates confusion, shame and fear that you