Personal Narrative: Coping With Depression And Anxiety

Living with anxiety is a battle everyday. I wake up and I’m not sure if today will be good or bad. It can start out good, but the next thing I know, I’m having a panic attack. The world around me starts to cave in, and the noise I hear becomes static; it’s as if I’m being swallowed whole. Suffering from a panic attack is incredibly embarrassing. Nobody understands what I’m going through, they all think it’s in my head or that I’m being dramatic. What they don’t understand is that, it’s a real problem. Just like any other illness, anxiety is paralyzing; so are panic attacks. There are days I don’t want to get out of bed because I’m afraid that today is the day everything will end, so it’s just safer to stay in bed. My anxiety is unpredictable,

It’s a struggle to get out of bed sometimes, I often just sit there struggling to comprehend the sequence of events which have taken place over the past year. I mean, I’m used to this now, its normal to me, but the fact that this has happened and that I am now ‘disabled’ as people would put it is hard to get my head around. And every time I look down I’m reminded of the pain and the struggle I faced, it’s a physical scar which links me to my grueling past, a physical and emotional journey.

That was the phrase that had been assaulting my ears for the last half an hour. Although it wasn’t odd that someone was telling me that specific phrase, this time it was different. My grandmother, whom I thought had understood my problems, had just proven to me that she actually didn’t. At the age of 12, I was heartbroken.

I experienced childhood in a three-room duplex with six other individuals, my mother, father, older sister Claire(17), and three younger brothers Colin(13), Cody(10), and Cason(8). Life was entirely typical for me when I was younger, aside from me breaking a bone on a play area zip line, however next to that, I would state I was normal. My dad was and is still an extremely giving individual, I mean we could be penniless, and he would in any case attempt to help everybody out. I figure that rubbed off on me in light of the fact that as I got older I began volunteering at places like Ivey Ranch since I loved horses and the nearby schools. I started to understand that I cherished the sentiment helping individuals and it soon turned into an energy of mine. I think it is the sort of person I am, a person who loves to help when there is nothing to be given in return. Alongside this, I'm a person that is continually changing and learning things, what I mean by this is I am continually attempting to better myself, and the community that I live in by utilizing my background and advice from others.

I've struggled with Generalized Anxiety Disorder for years. It started when I was 11 years old...I bean over thinking things and became increasingly scared of social situations. In high school, it escalated quickly. I knew all too well the horror of anxiety attacks and many times I was too afraid to even get out of bed.

On our way up the stairs to our unit, a girl named Jada came up behind me. “So why are you here?” I was thrown off by the personal question she asked so casually. Only an hour prior I had arrived at the facility and was introduced to the other eleven teenagers.

As I faced the world of adulthood, I felt lost and unsettled. I was then diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and living with this disorder is my biggest weakness in life. Some days I am fine, others I am constantly worrying about the tiniest of things. I am overcoming this disorder, everyday might be a battle, but I will not let it define me.

“Oh I got my heart right here. Oh I got my scars right here…” With the slow beat of The Weeknd, I took a right onto the highway. Where was I going? I didn’t know. I was just going to drive my thoughts away. Peering down into my windows, the moon shone on my interior, lighting up everything. It was just me, the moon, and my freedom. I turned the radio louder to blast out my thoughts and just think about the song. I do this therapeutically. Driving makes me feel better, especially when I have no certain destination or deadline. My only goal is to chase the moon in an eternal game of tag, but for some reason I’m always “it”.

An accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that played a key role in shaping who I am today was we when I no longer treatment for my mental illness – Major Depressive Disorder.

In my freshmen year, I got my first stage management job, as a production assistant on one of my school’s mainstage productions. The majority of those I was working with were graduate students and/or faculty. I was extremely intimidated and I struggled to do any task without apprehension, due to my generalized anxiety disorder. After noting this behavior, I began working on my confidence, in order to mitigate my trepidation, by way of reflection and therapy. When asked to tape out the prop table, rather than asking dozens of questions about which color of tape to use and the ideal position for the breakable wine glass, I just began the task, trusting my judgement. Sometimes I was corrected and had to redo my work, but most of the time, my work

Working with substance abuse clients fits with my career goal as I am pursuing the degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. The reason for entering the counseling field was/is a genuine desire to help people who are going through difficult time in their lives and to show them there is a way out and there is a life that is worth of living. Personally, I have not experienced or have had people who abused substances, (overly) however, from the grief experience to a caregiver role intrigued me to pursue mental health as a whole. It is clear that mental health and substance abuse can have a powerful effect on one health, his/her family, and community. Having this in my mind, is nothing could be more rewarding than knowing that I could save

what to say though. Just say what you feel just as we are doing right now we both can see the therapist. Now I think I can sleep mom goodnight. Goodnight son.

1. No matter how hard we try to prepare ourselves for challenging experiences and try to stay positive, it becomes harder to do than planned when the time comes. It was the end of the last semester and I was on the verge of emotional depression that totally overwhelmed me. During the exam period, I wasted my weekends on the Internet, chatting and Facebook-ing. I needed to submit an important paper on Tuesday morning. On Sunday night, after wasting so much time of mine and having a little red eyes because of so much exposure to electronic screens, I sat down to write my paper. Only then did I realize that the paper was due the next morning, not on Tuesday. I was extremely nervous because it was too little a time to finish it. Moreover, I was so angry with myself that I wanted to cry. It was a realization that I was off course in my study habits and that I had not overcome my habit of willingly putting myself in difficult positions. The more I thought about being in that mess, the angrier I got with myself. I got even angrier thinking about how it was not the first time in my life that I put myself in such a situation. I could not concentrate on my paper because of that emotional response. Then suddenly I thought that I just needed to talk to someone and calm down. I called my classmate and just told her about everything. She said that the instructor had actually extended the deadline until Thursday. It was such a relief. I thanked her profusely and decided

I was recently diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. It is one of my traits that is influenced by nature and nurture. Initially, I had a difficult time accepting this trait. My doctor explained to me that anxiety is hereditary, and not a character flaw. He explained that personality type and traumatic life events also play a role when it comes to anxiety sufferers.

Surprise -- if you don't know my story by now, the big bombshell is that the main character is yours truly. And as always, I want to stress that I am not searching for sympathy when I share my story -- I am simply hoping to comfort someone by letting them know they're not alone. I am always open to any questions from anyone, and I always answer honestly. Without further ado, I present to you my mental health journey.