Personal Narrative: Death At The Funeral Home

I wait at the door. I put on my solemn, grim face, I cannot let these children see me as a soft women. I am anything but that, well I guess I am, but we all need to hide our inner emotions some how. My useless husband, Hans, mumbles, “I see the car”. We step outside, most people think Hans and I are crazy for opening our home to these two children, but every little bit of money that we can earn helps. Plus, they can help with the laundry, I think and smile.

Walking into the funeral home, I felt the air engulf me in a warm blanket, slowly unfreezing my body from the cold I had just been in. The entrance was packed with a sea of people wearing black, most of which I did had no idea who they were. There, I stood on my tiptoes, trying to pick out a familiar face in the crowd. Finally, I saw the father of the girl we came to the funeral home to see walk over to my parents. His face was pale and blank, and I saw his face contort from a grimace to a forced smile before approaching them. Words were exchanged, and suddenly we were being led into the crowd.

Where you’re supposed to be is some big West Hills wedding reception in a big manor house with flower arrangements and stuffed mushrooms all over the house. This is called scene setting: where everybody is, who’s alive, who’s dead. This is Evie Cottrell’s big wedding reception moment. Evie is standing halfway down the big staircase in the manor house foyer, naked inside what’s left of her wedding dress, still holding her rifle.

Today was funeral day. My mom’s funeral. It was a dark October thursday, the clouds were brewing a storm. A slight breeze disturbed my neck. My uncomfortable suit sleeves bellowed in the cold breeze.. I hadn’t felt any emotions since the day of her death, which was weeks ago, almost as if my emotion is grey. It was warm then, as my mind was too. Nowadays, up until today, my mind has been a dark fog, as if my mind was released into the sky, darkening everyone’s day, arriving at my mom’s funeral or just to cuddle up with their friends and family in front of a warm crackling fire, telling the stories of their childhood and how times were better. Not me, my dad usually ignored me and he only worked on managing my mom’s fortune. Yeah. My mom’s

That morning, (midday really, but shush) Dan Howell woke up in the arms of Phil Lester, who was none other than the love of his life.The other man had his arms wrapped tightly around him, and was breathing softly into the nape of his neck. Smiling, sleepily content, Dan snuggled down, falling back to sleep in their little bubble where everything is soft and warm and good.

From the sound of his voice, I can tell he is hoping for some kind of insight into the human condition or something. I stifle a snort. Not something he’s likely to get from me, that’s for sure.

“Present your family and friends with their eulogies now - they won't be able to hear how much you love them and appreciate them from the grave.” is a quote, by an anonymous author, that I wish I knew in the past. Today’s era is based around people taking everything for granted. Unfortunately, I was one of those people that did not believe in cherishing things. One person that I did not cherish was my Aunt. People should not wait until someone they love is gone to apologize or wish things had been different between them which gave a much more powerful meaning to Carpe Diem or in English terms, seize the day. Living for today because tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone has become one of my guidelines to living this life I was given.

It didn’t hurt the day they died. Not the way that people thought it did. There wasn’t the feeling of utter dispair, or the raw grief that generally came with the death of loved ones. No, that came later. It was just numbness. Numbness and the slight feeling of longing – longing to be taken with them. Longing to have them back. Longing to not have to suddenly face life alone.

I’ve always wanted to know what a funeral home looks like on the inside, did television really have it right? Or was it even worse than what I expected? Disturbing, gory, terrifying. All words that popped into my mind when I thought about it.

It’s really depressing to go forty-two funerals in a young age. Junior was very strong boy to go through all that and still moved forward. I couldn’t imagine his emotion that period. He must desired to have different than attending fourth-two funerals. I lost my grandmother 3 years ago, and I know how it feels for losing someone.

Even when I was a young child, I’ve always wanted to know what the inside of a funeral home looks like. Call it a sick fascination, but having the power to see inside of an environment, where death seems to be looming, has always been near and dear to my heart. Disturbing, exciting, repugnant. Those were all words that popped into my mind when I thought about it, and now I finally had the chance to fulfill my wish of seeing what one looks like. I thought it would be bone chilling at the very least, but I never would have anticipated it to be boring.

A funeral is one of the worst experiences a person can go through. My best friend died and I had no other terrible experiences with death. My uncle had walked out to a dock at the edge of his lake house and just cried. My grandma followed shortly to try and comfort him. I had just sat in the house. I couldn’t believe that one of the most important people in my life had died. My cousins and everyone who I became so close to over the years, began to change into new people. Evil in the world shapes how people are on a day to day basis. I had never seen evil in my life until this. This death was evil because it took one of my closest family friends. I had now seen the world filled with evil. My family has shaped me throughout this event.

now. The only thing I can do now is pray and hope. To pray that I will

I do not mean to diminish the impact the other losses had, certainly seeing the affect my grandfathers death had on my grandmother shaped some of my ideas not only of grief, she was never the same, she did not laugh as much and the light in her eyes was not as bright, but it also shaped some of my ideals about romantic love. To the day she died - 28 years after my grandfather - my grandmother kept all of her checks and official documents titled “Mrs. Willis Goodrich”, and she never removed her wedding ring. The death of my Uncle Forest was the first time I associated anger with death, my Aunt seemed so numb at first and then for months she was so angry at him for not taking better care of himself, for continuing to smoke when she asked him repeatedly to try to stop and for not asking for help moving the ice house he was pushing when he had a massive heart attack and died. She told me later that it was not until she not only recognized but believed that he had not been trying to die, that he had not wanted to leave her any more than she wanted him to leave, that she was finally able to forgive him for dying and move on with her life. My grandmothers death was different from my grandfathers not only because it was not entirely unexpected, she was almost 90 and had advanced Parkinson’s disease, but more in how I reacted to it.

The fear I held as a child that my body would become a vessel for other souls to enter was intensified. This was my first impression of my first time in a cemetery and I was not off to a good start. As I grabbed a map to find my way around, I began to dread the walk through the cemetery and having to see all the lives lost, especially those who lost their lives before they even really began. However, to my surprise, as I made my way through the graveyard this feeling of sadness slipped away. The sun began to shine through the clouds of gray and illuminated both the cemetery and my mood. I was delighted to notice that many of the tombstones I encountered read that these lives that were lost were not taken too soon. Most of the people had lived over eighty years and were buried next to fellow family members who also lived just as long. It was nice to see that many people were laid to rest next to family so they wouldn’t have to enter the next life