Personal Narrative: Fatigue

I don't remember passing out. All I remember is waking up here - a place that I call the hospital.

I fight for my health every day in ways most people do not understand I lay in bed struggling just to get up in the morning only to get faced with a new day of troubles. All I think about is the day that being a normal eighteen year old ended for me. I was responsible went to work every day, and was trying to figure out my first year of college until everything was flipped upside down.

I guess, by the time I realized that I had physically pushed myself too far it was too late. I spent 12 days hunched over with what my doctor thought was 'Sciatica' but found out today that it's actually a herniated disc. Which during seven of those days, I still worked. Now? I need to pray that PT will fix this problem I made worse.

As I looked out the diner window I noticed a robust man with a tattered brown homburg hat on. He was crossing the street, his buttons on his suit jacket undone like he had a hard day in the office. As a gust of unwanted wind blew his hair across his face I noticed how tired he looked. What does he do? What causes his fatigue? I watch him walk to the door, his shoes dragging behind him.

I’ve been trudging along for what seems like hours. I lost count of my steps sometime after my car broke down. When I look around all I see is an almost tangible grey curtain hiding everything except for a small segment of the highway. As I look forward the dark grey of the asphalt blends into the fog. I have no Idea what time it is when the fog rolled in my phone died. Without a clock, any length of time seems to go on forever, especially when the sun is hiding behind the fog. I just something I don’t understand about my situation, there has been no change in light since the fog rolled in. Same brightness the whole time. It’s almost like it’s not that I can’t tell time is passing. It’s that time isn’t passing, but that’s impossible.

I was chilling in my bed room playing video games when I got a unexpected text message from my best friend Jarrod saying it’s going to be a night you won’t forget my brother. Although I was king of skeptical on why he texted me this early with a jigsaw riddle message; therefore, I was uncommonly curious moreover so that I ask him what you do mean and what is going down tonight? Nevertheless he respond with rich home girl is throwing a big mansion party; infact, everybody is invited it is going to be wild like that party movie project x my brother you coming yeah without a doubt I’m coming, good I’ll pick you up at nine thirty sharp tonight because Port Neches Grove is a drive. However time went by extremely fast that heard him pull up I wasn’t even ready so I just grab my red polo shirt and hat with my new tan brown timberland boots then finally headed out, so when we arrived cars was

I've posted about this (a lot), but I've been keeping myself pretty busy, lately. Most Sunday evenings, I look at my calendar and see that my week is fully scheduled - from when I wake up until dinner time. Between preparing for and teaching several yoga classes each week, actively drumming up business to grow my company, and spending time with my toddler (not to mention, staying married), I'm booked. When I have "free time," it's because I scheduled it in.

It was a beautiful summer evening at my uncle’s firework stand in Stillwater on July 7, 2012. We were sitting on the cement next to the giant metal building containing thousands of dollars worth of fireworks. I looked up at the sky and noticed it was getting dark. Together we were thinking of what we could do to pass the time before we had to close the stand. So we took a small 200 gram cake cleverly labeled,’’Stressed Out”. in the parking lot..

From the first thought of my older brother starting to drive I was very doubtful of his abilities. He started a driving class to get his learner's permit in May, just after school ended. Though my doubt was great, he seemed to grasp all the concepts of driving, and when I ride with him, pretty well. And over the months I started to trust in him more, and trusted the education given to him by Greg, his driving instructor.

There was no coffee, soda, or any amount of sugar that made you this way, you simply guessed that it was a good night's rest. Though you wouldn't know much about that, due to your restless sleeping that made you feel exhausted after waking up. You were enjoying the boost of energy, feeling as if she could do anything in the world! You felt like moving, jumping, maybe even productive. On the contrary, Mathieu was hoping you would just shut up now and sit down. He had no desire to move today and wanted today to just be a lazy day filled with pancakes, maple syrup, and cuddles while watching the hockey game that he was currently trying to enjoy. The only thing disrupting him was the jumpy woman blocking the TV, “(Y/N), I swear if you don't move,

Insanity. It seems like everyone in the world that we live on is in some way going insane. People say that global warming, politics, terrorist attacks, money the list goes on and on, they say that those are real problems. But they aren’t actually problems the real world problem is the world itself. I never really noticed the issue until Rosalie was sent to be surrounded by the particularly picked insane people. It isn’t fair. It isn’t her fault. If only I knew what the “plan” was I could’ve saved her from making a mistake. It’s too late for that now. Now she spends her days in a padded cell with her arms crossed and safely secured. It should’ve been me in there, not her. It’s my fault. I have to save her.

“Ugh I'm so board!” I thought one day. I got bored of playing with legos and I decided to get a snack. While I was walking upstairs I saw something I've never seen before. A smooth black container, that read in bold letters PS3 gaming console and several other small boxes that said things I've never heard before like Call of Duty, Uncharted 3,and Sonic Dimensions.

Life is a beautiful thing. However, it is a widely accepted fact that sometimes in life dreadful circumstances arise. No matter how hard you try, you are unable to handle all of the disappointment. This was the position I found myself in a few years ago. Through many personal family issues and having to frequently move to new states, I struggled to be happy. I decided that in order to avoid the life’s letdowns, I had to make myself not care. When a person stops caring about what happens in their life they will avoid disappointment, and that's why I began crafting my armor of apathy.

Sometimes the fatigue from a long day’s work makes you want to relax like a potato, thus “couch potato”. Especially now that we live in a society where it requires a certain amount of effort and requires people to push themselves to the limit to live on a daily routine. I don’t really do much but I’m very lazy though.

Stress has always been an extremely interesting and complicated part of my life. I suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, which also results in anxiety and depression at times. During my teenage years, I self medicated frequently. I didn't want to put in the work and the time to figure out what was wrong with me and how to make it better. Drinking and experimenting with drugs was my way of processing any conflict that arose in my life. Over the past five years, I've been attending therapy, I've started hiking and camping and the birth of my child had since changed my enthusiasm for getting better. I've been baby carrying him since he was born. We've summited mountains, visited hidden, cascading waterfalls and hiked for miles into old growth forests to visit hot springs and lakes. My OCD will never be cured, but I truly work as hard as I possibly can now for myself and for my family to be strong and present and level-headed. I have a bag of emotional tools that I've become accustomed to using now and I am able to process and deal with stress in healthy and productive ways.