Personal Narrative: How Divorce Changed My Life

Amidst the boredom of summer and a lasting drought, my parents came into our family room where my sister and I were trying to drown out the monotony. They sat us down with such a somber tone that it was palpable in the room. My mom cut straight to the chase and announced something that would change my life indefinitely. “Your dad and I are getting a divorce.”

I was on my way to tutoring about to get into the car. When my parents get into an argument. It was a normal occurrence that happened every time. I already knew that my parents were getting a divorce. But I didn’t expect anything bad from the argument but it began to get physical.

It was a warm December day when I found the footprints in the snow by my front door. Even though it was thirty degrees outside, the snow was still a few feet deep from the snowfall last Thursday, when I had looked outside my door, making sure my car was there and not vandalized and instead saw the footprints strewn across my front yard. My home, a meager yard with the majority of it comprised of a concrete driveway; but the prints were visible, about the size of large dogs, but the details about the tracks caught my eyes as I bent over and to obtain a closer view of their bizarre shape.

When I made the decision to divorce my husband 10 years ago, I thought I had pretty much figured out what my life would be like. Single parent with a great support system. Working full-time as a software sales professional, and faith that moved mountains. I GOT THIS!

My sister screams at men on buses. She hasn’t always been like this; it started around the time of her divorce. She was married at the end of her nineteenth year; so, married prematurely, she ended up divorced prematurely also. This is the part of the story that people get sad-eyed at, they frown, and they ask if she had any kids. No, she didn’t. Children were spared.

To say that I have lived a mild and boring life is an understatement. There have not been many, what I would call, substantial, life-changing moments that I have gone through in my 44 years that I am sure several others have not experienced as well. From meeting my wife to the birth of my son, everyone can connect to a lot of the same experiences in life. When I reflect on my life thus far, the one that truly stands out is one that I am sure many others in this class have unfortunately had to experience as well. However, the divorce of my parents when I was young not only changed my life as far as where I am today, it also did so by bringing me even closer to the two people that made me who I am.

I primarily attended North View Junior High in Booklyn Park, MN. I would describe my pre-teen and teen years as fun, exciting and painful. My parents divorced during my time in middle school. As a result of the divorce, my dad was distant and emotionally unavailable. Throughout my years as an adolescent, I felt I needed my dad in my life. I remember seeing mothers and fathers together at baseball games but not my dad. Although the divorce had a negative impact in my personal life, I enjoyed my school work and classmates. Around the age of 14, my mother accepted a job in Iowa. My mother, sister and I moved to Iowa and lived there for one year. We moved back to Brooklyn Park before I started eighth grade. On weekends, I spent time with my friends.

As I think back to the day of the divorce, I realize how many questions ran through my head the very instant I awoke. My decision had been final for months, but my emotions let doubt creep in. After all, I had made a promise in front of God, family, and friends. How would God ever forgive me for breaking my promise? After careful consideration, reality confirmed, finalizing this divorce was the best for my mental health and physical safety. I would have to work through forgiveness later.

I found myself single again after 2 decades and realized I had a long list of things that needed to get accomplished. So I decided to prioritize the list because it can be overwhelming. The first thing on my agenda was taking care of myself as well as my 2 small children and considering I haven't had to do this alone before it took some soul searching.

The most significant challenge I have faced was when my parents got a divorce. It was a devastating moment for me because I was very close to both of my parents and I knew that I would have to choose to live with only one. I chose my mother because she there the most for me in my life. When my father left I was devastated, but not so much because he insured me that I would still see him. For the first month he would see me everyday, but after a while, those everyday visits became into every week visits and I was okay with that. After three months I only saw him once a month for a year ,but I was thrilled to be seeing him at all. After the year my father remarried and gave me the news that he was moving to Arizona to live with his new wife and stepchildren and that he wasn’t going to see me anymore. That’s when my depression started and kept escalating from that point

The feeling of anger was creeping up my throat, threatening the cruel words to come out, but I stopped because my feelings weren't the only feelings that mattered.

As I was sitting down under the shelter that I discovered, I thought of those words again divorce,fight,split and secrets then my eyes started burning and tears started rolling down my face. I got my hatchet out that my mother gave me when we were driving out of the city to the airport,then I remember what mum said to me when she gave it to me,“ the man who sold it to me said you can use it in the woods with your father” then I thought to myself “dad not father”.

One thing that has changed me as a person was my parents divorce. My parents got divorced when I was in 6th grade. At first, I was very unsure how to feel about everything that was going on around me. I was used to a happy environment, but it soon changed. I remember that I would make up scenarios in my head as of what I thought went wrong or what i could have done so that it wouldn't have ended the way that it did. I had a very negative attitude for years, and i would sometimes blame myself even if i didn't have any reasoning behind it. Time went by, and during my first year of highschool, I started to think positive. I started to discover how this situation affected and changed me as a person. It taught me many life lessons and actually changed my life. In every bad situation, there is something good that will come out of it.

Divorce. I had heard the word before, but never really put a meaning to it till it became a reality in my life.

I was nine when my parents disclosed their plan to file for divorce. After gathering my younger siblings and I for a family meeting, my parents sit together on the black leather couch that now sits prominently in my step-mom’s house, waiting to be thrown out. My brother and sister sprawl out on the beige carpet living room floor. Little, four year old Ella stares at the words coming out of our loving parents’ mouths, clueless as to the life changing event unfolding. I stand near the fuzzy, brown armchair that my dad still lounges on every evening to watch TV. I feel my petite hands curl into fists and my eyes blur with tears. I had never even considered this eventuality.