Personal Narrative: How Fear Changed My Life

The obstacle that I had, stopped me from being happy, or living the life that I wanted to live. Being alone, antisocial, and other obstacles that I had, blocked me from being happy and instead lead me into a life where I did not know what to do. Sometimes an obstacle is nothing physical like a barrier or some force, for me it was mental warfare that I had with myself for years that I still deal with to this day. Conflicting with yourself is just as bad as someone else or an object because you have to deal with the fact that you did this all to yourself, you can’t give anyone else the blame. That however, could lead to even more mental warfare in your own head, especially if you are very defiant to take blame like I am.

As I got older, the feelings of anxiety grew more intense until everything seemed to come crashing down all at once. Eventually, I decided that I had had enough of constantly feeling suffocated from my anxiety. I began to do lots of research and would do projects on anything and everything involving mental health. Remembering how awful I felt everyday, I decided that I would do everything I could to help others with their mental health. I would constantly check in with my friends to make sure that they were okay and that they were taking care of themselves. I became a more caring and sympathetic person from something that had total control over my life. I do not think I would be the person I am today if I had not dealt with those feelings of anxiety and

Ever since I was young I’ve had anxiety. Every single interaction I’ve ever had has been carefully calculated and thought out before it has happened. Every situation has been worried, confused, and excessively mulled over ever since I can remember. Every anger-filled conversation has left me crying and shaking, and every sad one left me worried and sick to my stomach. Headaches were common,

Be patient and sympathetic of others, as everyone you see walk past you every day is dealing with something you couldn’t possible imagine. Fear is a powerful, dark thing. It looks to drag on each of our lives constantly. Every one of us has a shadow clinging to our backs, whispering our fear in our ear. We do our best to bury in and silence the voice, but it is always in the back of our minds. All of our demons are strong and they work every day to consume us. It takes courage for all of us to confront the fears and anxiety we face.

This feeling was unusual because as a youngster, I spent most of my childhood going on acting auditions and

When I was 13 years old, my parents started to think about moving to United States because my dad was already working here for a company. We started all the immigration related process which took a while to end. When I was 14, one day I came back from school and my parents told me we were moving to US in 2-3 months. When I heard it first, I was happy, but later I started thinking about how I will be leaving everything behind. My family, friends and neighbors whom I have been with since I was little, I will be leaving all of them in a few months. As the date approached closer, we started to pack more and more things. There was

I had always been known to be an anxious child. My adolescence was filled with therapy visits, new medications, and a constant stomach ache. Throughout the entire fourth grade, I was probably at home more than I was at school. I worried about average kid things; my little sister, elementary school, my parents. I also worried about some not so average little kid things; like if someone poisoned my toothbrush, someone would get sick at school tomorrow, or even my grandma always feeding me so I would get fat and she would eat me. No matter what is was, I constantly would fixate on it and do things to avoid it. It wouldn't be until I was about 14 where I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

As a child, life was hectic from the beginning. Dad was in and out of jail, and when he was out my mom and him and my mother would indulge in hard drugs. Don 't get me wrong, when you 're so twisted on drugs there is only so much your body and mind is capable of doing, right? Since I could remember I’ve been the boss, the keeper of the responsibilities, almost like the parent of my parents. Throughout school, i had constant anxiety about school, worrying about my little brother and wondering if my parents were okay. Fast forward to the present time, still on a daily basis I struggle with severe Anxiety. It truly never went away, it only got worse. If I would have had a better mother daughter, or father daughter relationship or didn’t have to watch my parrents struggle with their anxiety and addictions, and i had to worry a lot less I would have never developed this anxiety.

My feet pound the track. I take deep breaths and pump my arms in rhythm with my steps. My muscles ache but my mind is focused, I am in the zone and I feel invincible, moving faster than ever before. Run, rest, repeat. The cycle of intervals in the workout let me just tune out and push myself. The only problem is, as I run each interval I feel a nagging pain in my leg. The pain slowly increases until I realize the worst: I might be injured.

Everyone feels anxiety as some point in their life time. However, I cannot remember a moment that I didn’t have anxiety of some sort. As well as me, my dad and Aunt also both had suffered and continue to this day to have anxiety; however they didn’t let it take control of them. For me, I started to let the anxiety rule my life, it was taking me over. I found myself in the passenger seat of my mom’s car crying, shaking, and pleading my mom to not make me go into a writing camp I was taking. That was the end of the line for me, I had to get help. I needed to control the anxiety, so I started to go to therapy. There I learned a lot about anxiety and what it really is.

I collapsed to the floor as my lungs shrunk two sizes and my tears couldn’t even be released due to my inability to breathe, let alone stand. This was my first real panic attack, and my body had succumbed to my mind. Backstage, just minutes before my first play, I began to think about all of the improvisation necessary for my role, and how I had to be in character continually (so as not to ruin the play for everyone else), and I couldn’t handle it. My lines had been erased from my mind, and my vision went blurry from tears and fear. Just then, two people had surrounded me, squatting to get on my level. Dizzy and ready to faint, my two best friends had helped me get a grip of reality again. They reminded

It has come to affect my everyday life. Everyone’s anxiety is diverse, mine arrays from accelerated heart rate where I can’t breathe, uncontrollable shaking and scratching myself, or blankly glaring into space thinking about unquestionably nothing. Anxiety is that little voice in the back of my head always recapping me there is no point to anything I do because I will never be pleased. It has been the roughest encounter of my life, I am still trying to overcome. As it continues to worsen, I continue to push, hoping there’s a brighter light at the end of the end of this dark tunnel. I refuse to get help because anxiety is such so common now a days it has become no big deal, and I’ve heard the pills prescribed make you numb to all other feelings, and I don’t want to get through my day as a zombie. Besides the reader of this narrative, only two other people know of my anxiety, and it isn’t my parents. No one else is aware because I have become an expert at hiding it. I will continue to keep pushing, over powering the voice that tells me there is no point and maybe one day, happiness will come and I can take my mask

“Michigan Adventure is the best.” I claimed “Well” Mom chimed in “Do you want to go on the Funnel of Fear” Mom asked. I beamed “Sure.”

People have fears: spiders, snakes, tight spaces and more. My fear is public speaking. It is so hard for me to go up on stage and talk to all those people out on the audience. I feel like I have butterflies in my stomach, and I can't think straight.