Personal Narrative: I Want To Go To College

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Sorry if this is a rant honestly you don't even need to read it, just want someone to listen.

In high school I had tons of friends and felt good about myself. My parents were proud of me, got good grades, got into a good university, and was social. I was excited to go to college because I thought it would be the same thing. For the first month I was right.

I was doing well in all my classes and going out and meeting a ton of people. Until one night I got arrested for having a fake ID and my entire life has fallen apart. Seeing the look of disappointment in my parents face made want to kill myself right then. I spent the night and jail and have to attend AA meetings. Everyone I met in college kind of moved on with their lives, wen through fraternity rush and so on. Now I am just stuck not able to drink or go out, I have no confidence anymore I'm just angry all the time and I lack motivation everywhere outside of the gym. I have no friends to lean on, all I do is go to the gym and sit in my room.

I have been going to the gym almost everyday, just to be made fun of my big nipples and gyno which totally masks any muscle I have actually gained.

I told my high school friends about my arrest in hope it can maybe help them, because I know they also have fake IDs. However, who I used to
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This made me so angry I punched a hole in my wall. I was filled with immediate regret. Great another burden I have put on my parents now they need to fix a wall. I am such a disappointment to them now I wish I would wake up dead. The only thing I bring to my family now is shame, its not even worth me living anymore. As a male I feel like its hard to reach out to people about your feelings, as we are expected to be able to deal with it, but I can't anymore. I don't know what to do with my life as my first semester of being alone and an adult has been absolute hell.
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