Personal Narrative: Life After Loss

I have lost my grandpa and have not gotten over the idea of it. When I was in the sixth grade, my grandfather was very sick; he could barely walk. While my grandmother and some other family members went uptown for some household things, food, and medication, I was told to take care of him. Yet, I wanted to play with my friends outside. He told me to go ahead and play, but for some reason I just got mad and slammed the door and left. Around nighttime, I seen an ambulance pull up to my grandparents’ house.

The loss of my younger brother changed my life in ways that I couldn't have imagined at the time of his death, but I was bombarded with so many emotions and undertakings that deeply impaired my thought process.

Cozy coffee shops, warm summers, friendly hugs…1.2.3. Disastrous events occur all the time. We are always aware that someone, somewhere in the world, is hurtling forwards into tragedy. Tragic endings leave behind unanswered questions, unfulfilled dreams, unspoken thoughts. Those who love you are left behind, in the dust of your presence, spent to forever remember only your memory, not your existence. Crisp slices of toast, piping hot cups of tea, fresh strawberries…1.2.3. We all tend to forget an end exists. We spend our lives compiling as many happy memories as we can, fully enjoying the good days, deeply mourning the sad ones. When tragedy strikes, only then are we reminded that the end is there, and we scurry and try once again to make the most out of

Dealing with grief is never easy. One of the hardest time in anyone’s life is when an acquaintance or a loved one passes away. In the second week of the Fall 2016 semester, I received a devastating call. I walked into my chemistry class, and my mom called me from Turkey to tell me that my grandmother had passed away. I sat in silence in the car on the way home and thought about my grandmother. She had taught me innumerable important lessons throughout my life. Losing her changed everything, and I knew I had to return to my home country to say goodbye to my grandmother.

Please, oh please let the words come. I sit, and stare, and type, and I backspace. No one will like it. My work is crap. Crap, crap, crap. I crumple my paper watch it fall. The clock taunts with its ticking reminding me of all I want to forget. It creates a beat; a song. Poetic chords and dismal notes ring in my ears. But no, this is thought I should avoid. I am great- better than great. People will love this. Oh please, please, please let them love this. Will my legacy amount to nothing more than abysmal hope? This is the last time I think of it. Oh please don’t let me think of it. The blank page stares at me and I begin to write. One word, then another, then another, and another. You will never know what comes out onto the page until it is

Well this year was a hell of a year. I mean, i didn't pass any of the semesters but i did observe a ton of stuff that went on in the class. The class in general was pretty lit. Every day went by and i honestly did some work. The class was ready to learn as mrs g was ready to teach. I mean yea we had some days were we didn't want to learn anything and there were also days when mrs g didn't want to teach. But ima be honest, doing the work we did wasn't in my best interest. Most of the projects we did in class i worked on, but at the end i didn't end up liking how i did it so i wouldn't even bother turning anything in. like the obituary we had to write about ourselves. I liked the meaning behind this but honestly i didn't want to work on that because it just brought back memories of my friends that were killed.

After much consideration my husband and I have decided that Michael will not longer be attending The Reason For Hope effective immediately. I welcome the chance to sit down and talk with you should you choose to discuss the situation. It was not easy to arrive at this decision but it has been a long time coming. We have been increasingly more uncomfortable with your program in recent months for the reasons below.

I’d had many mini-lifelines thrown my way, none turned out to be the life-altering, ground shaking beneath me, and gates to opening up “heaven”, though. To me, I’d blame it on the different ways I came off to strangers, depends on the day, I could be a multitude of characters, but never latch onto the following of others. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted my lifeline to latch onto, the problem was, I was like a fishing net with a gaping hole--incapable of doing such things. Then, the last person I expected to, stepped up and accepted the challenge.

am beset {long pause} How long will I let the pain and loss define my life? An enduring struggle of loss and gain A monumental achievement through the tangles of deeds But is left alone with silent words

I've been fairly busy as of late. Notably, yesterday was a pretty interesting day. I'm not exactly feeling well, think I'm coming down with something. How often is it that a Jedi contracts a cold? Just not feeling as spry, I think. My stomach is churning as I type, something is missing, think I might have to take a reprieve sooner rather than later. Maybe I'll be gone for a cycle, maybe I'll be gone for a year. I don't know. I just know that I need to focus on other things. That's not the point of this entry, however.

The situation of loss was my own family. A little background about my extended there were all heavy smokers and non-diagnosed alcoholics. My grandparents died within 6 months of each other. My grandmother died unexpectedly, leaving my grandfather alone to drink himself to death. They left behind five daughters and three sons. The loss of my grandparents impacted their children in different ways. Most of which, four daughters and a son, did not change their way of life and have died from cancer, strokes, or liver disease within 15 years of my grandparents’ death. My father along with a brother and sister took it upon themselves to quit smoking and drinking. My father started running and working out the local gym his was in good health. Even with the lifestyle changes my father had he still battled colon cancer, however he has been in remission for the 10 years. My father’s brother and sister do not to have any major health issues they are in their late 60’s. I have twenty cousins that are alive. The cousins do not seem not be excessive drinkers although a few do smoke.

My father passed away in 1991, two weeks before Christmas. I was 25 at the time but until then I had not grown up. I was still an ignorant youth that only cared about finding the next party. My role model was now gone, forcing me to reevaluate the direction my life was heading. I needed to reexamine some of the lessons he taught me through the years.

As we mature, we learn to appreciate certain people in our lives, for instance: our grandparents. We live with the fear that we can lose them in the blink of an eye, as every passing day brings them closer to their death beds (hyperbole), but we're too busy living our lives, making time for work, school, and friends (Euphemism). We assure ourselves that we have forever to spend with them, but that is where we are mistaken. Unfortunately, this year in January, I experienced the cruel reality of death, myself. I have realized, truly how much death can change your perspective on many aspects of life. When I faced with this death, I began to appreciate family more, began to express my love for them more out of the fear that any goodbye could be the last.

The death of a loved one is one of the most challenging events I have had to overcome. The summer of 2014, I was just going into my junior year, was one for the books. It was an absolutely amazing summer. My sister had her first baby in May and we were getting to make his first summer his best, but little did we know it would also be his last. We lost him at the end of July. It was one of the hardest things to cope with. So many unanswered questions still to this day stand.

After my mom died from a car accident our family decided to just put everyone's name on one headstone after they died. First it was my moms, then my grandmas, then my aunt and uncle and we decided to put my dads on their as well cause after mom died he left. It seemed like there wasn’t going to be any room left by the time me and my brother died. Hopefully it isn't soon.