I remember staring up at the vastness of the sky, trying for a moment to comprehend infinite space. Space that reached out above and below, to the sun, and past it. Trying to imagine for a moment the all consuming vastness of the universe we inhabit. Sometimes it feels like the sheer size of the existence is throbbing down on me. This whole phenomenon of existential dread in the moment feels ground-shaking, life-altering, then after time passes I forget and it, it no longer bothers me. There are so many aspects of life I take for granted, even life itself I can often take for granted. This sort of thinking was not familiar to me until last winter. After being snowed in for such a long time I was happy to be out of the house and was looking
Walking away from everything you once knew and starting over is never a picnic. Leaving Iraq, and moving to America has impacted my life more than anything. I was only 4 years old at that time, and the only English I spoke was “excuse me, water please.” My family and I did not know it then, but our lives were going to change; we would become “Americanized”. Learning English was one of the massive changes that occurred, the way I dressed (culture), and even the way I had power to go to school and educate myself.
In 2025, I will be twenty-nine years old and hopefully married. I will be married to my significant other of ten years Earnest Palmer III, who is a dentist. I would have been recently graduating with a bachelor’s in Culinary Arts and trying to plan to open my own restaurant, BubbaD’s Eateries. Knowing my big headed husband of mine, I probably had a baby then and trying to have another baby. Hopefully, by then Earnest will get rid of the idea naming our son, King. We will be living in the suburbs near New York City but working in the city. Being a woman with great memory, I probably wrote a memoir about my crazy life and trying to sell it to a publisher. If none of the publishers wants to publish my memoir, I will probably sell it the Lifetime
I chose to break the norm of either smiling at strangers or giving them a neutral look when you make eye contact. I decided to give every stranger I passed a confused look like they had just spoken to me in another language. I must admit, this made me feel a bit goofy. I was on the fence as to whether or not to do this in the first place but I decided I just had to. The responses I received were quite comical. A few people asked if I was alright, and one person even asked if I had a problem with them.
When my mother asked me to read a book a few months ago, I was hesitant to agree. A stressful school year was approaching, and seeing my friends on a Saturday night seemed much more appealing. When I was younger, curling up with a good book was a typical pastime. Then came high school, and reading was replaced with countless hours of studying, cheer practice, and trying to figure out when I could catch up on some much needed rest.
There are a lot of things that shape a person, A loss, A gain, or maybe a quest they undertook. Now I’m not talking about a quest to save the world like you might read in books, or watch in a movie. I’m talking about a goal you might strive to achieve or something you want to accomplish to learn more about not only yourself, but the people who surround you or the community you might live in. This is my quest, a quest that took me years to understand, but one that defines me as a person. A quest that showed me how to express my opinions, and to let others do the same.
I believe I was not created equally. When I open my eyes to this strange world I feel an urge to run and hide. I am not safe there is no escape.
Summer 2014 was one to remember. I spent three weeks in Illinois with my cousin, Anna, who was two years younger than I at the time. Meaning I was 17 and she was just a mere 15 years old. Most people would think that since I’m older I would be the one to corrupt her and insist that we do wild and crazy things. However, it was quite the opposite.
Oh, to see what I wish I didn’t. To see an image staring back at me that I don’t identify with. To long to be accepted, and wonder if ever such a thing could happen. For now, all I can do is move on and pursue something to challenge the “norm”. I suppose it’s time to go forth and spread ideas that no longer require there to be a fear of ourselves. I guess it’s about time for me to do this on my own, even though I am at the ripe age of 62.
The way I am today directly reflects the way in which I was raised. The teachings of being smart with money, always using your manners, and always doing the right thing have helped to build my character as I have grown up. The community I lived in was very enjoyable where everyone was respected and friendly toward each other. The implemented rules and things we did as a family have stuck with me and helped shape the way I am today.
There is an unseen balance in the universe, one not measurable with charts and graphs or even with the highest tech machines man has to offer. This unseen balance guides my life like a tiny white flame, showing the way through the infinite maze that is life.
So it all started when I was a little girl. You see, I was so well behaved back then that it makes me cringe at the thought of all those people who thought I was cute. Like what the hell! I'm ugly not cute! Yeah….no self esteem left. That's what happens when you go seriously crazy like me. I mean who else decides to test dramatic endings by fainting off stage in a school show?
When I was younger, I was very confident. (I still am to this day.) I used to speak my mind and tell people what I thought, (It often drove people away.) I used to talk to people about what I saw, What I knew, And teach them too.
Here comes high school’s senior year. All the stress accompanying deadlines, standardized tests, and deciding my future, has arrived. After being able to maintain efficient grades throughout my high school career, I am faced with my greatest obstacle yet. I must choose my next destination from thousands of colleges. First, I ought to narrow my options. Knowing, although not completely confident, that I will major in computer engineering, I start to search deeper for colleges that offer this program. Wanting to stay close to home, I cross out colleges based on distance. Believing that my biggest motivation is getting the best education, I delve deeper into my research and start to find top rated colleges. I finally
People take many things for granted that they will never even realize. Like kids take for granted how their life is while they are young and assume it will always be that way, or how people thing they will always live in the same house and then are not prepared to move. Never take what you have for granted is something you always tell yourself, but most of the time other things are on your mind over thinking about what you have while you have it. I was one of those people that didn’t realize what they had till it was gone.
High school is a place where you let go of the past and shape your future. Everything was so foreign to me during the first couple years of high school. Coming from middle school where everything was so easy and all my classes were chosen for me, it was really hard stepping up to the plate and set goals for my life. When I started high school, I was like the “new” boy on the block. It is like Drake’s new album, “More Life,” coming out to the world. However, unlike Drake, I was not popular at all. I wanted to set my priorities straight as soon as possible because I knew it was important in order to have the best education possible before college.