Personal Narrative: Longing

“Ok, well you know how the dance is coming up? I was…...ummm wondering if you would like to go with me?”

“Great, I’ve just got some Chinese food from the place down the street if you’re interested.”

Confidence isn’t everything, right? Wrong. Okay maybe it’s not EVERYTHING, but I believe that confidence is something everyone needs. Being able to appear strong and content with yourself to just about anyone and everything out there is key to even the slightest bit of success.

"Yeah, that's fine." I played it off cool even though i was literely freaking out in my mind that we're going to hang out.

During the third season of When Calls the Heart, I became the unofficial interviewer of the Hope Valley Kids, probably because I interviewed so many of them. And Jaiven Natt was definitely in that group. With his return to the series this year, we have continued to see his skill and character expand and deepen, so I recently had the supreme opportunity of chatting with him yet again, and this time, we had a decidedly different, but engaging interview covering a wide variety of topics.

This season on “When Calls the Heart” has been a fantastic time of growth in the community, and many of the featured new faces have been the children of Hope Valley. Yet again, Hearties were introduced to a character named Robert who didn’t get along with Cody in the beginning, but Miss Thatcher never gave up on him. With his signature curly hair and spot on facial expressions, we have not been able to overlook this character nor the boy who has infused him with life, Jaiven Natt. Recently, I had the opportunity to chat with this 11-year-old who has become a delightful part of this weekly Hallmark escape.

I was a dresser for the PDG fall concert, 1968: The Cusp of Hope and Rage. I was backstage doing quick changes, helping with props, and communicating with tech on a headset with any unforeseen issues (which did occur multiple times). I worked with PDG for all of tech week and the six shows that they performed.

She sent me a deathly glare. “Who cares? There's a load of gross guys staring at us right now.”

After much consideration my husband and I have decided that Michael will not longer be attending The Reason For Hope effective immediately. I welcome the chance to sit down and talk with you should you choose to discuss the situation. It was not easy to arrive at this decision but it has been a long time coming. We have been increasingly more uncomfortable with your program in recent months for the reasons below.

The clouds were black, immeasurable, and grotesque. I still believe it was because my best friend was leaving for war. My friend Nicholas was the only person that I could have reliance and certainty with. He was the person that when the stresses of the world got to heavy on my shoulders he would pick the world up of my shoulders and carry the burden of the stresses of reality for me. In the end there are no words to describe the signification he has in my life and there is no comfort that can fix the loss that I feel in my heart because of his absence. So for the time being my heart will be in two places, half with me here in Denver, Colorado and the other half in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

“I have to go pick up the girls from school. Would you like to go with me?”

“I know” I swallowed a bite of food. “I can go with you if you want.”

am beset {long pause} How long will I let the pain and loss define my life? An enduring struggle of loss and gain A monumental achievement through the tangles of deeds But is left alone with silent words

“We need to home.” I said with a sad face and kissed Alec on the cheek as a goodbye.

I've been fairly busy as of late. Notably, yesterday was a pretty interesting day. I'm not exactly feeling well, think I'm coming down with something. How often is it that a Jedi contracts a cold? Just not feeling as spry, I think. My stomach is churning as I type, something is missing, think I might have to take a reprieve sooner rather than later. Maybe I'll be gone for a cycle, maybe I'll be gone for a year. I don't know. I just know that I need to focus on other things. That's not the point of this entry, however.